Thursday, July 17, 2014

Stillness in Motion; Motion in Stillness

Trail Running has a way of slowing us down.  Truly slowing us: in thought, pace, spirit, time.  The trail pulls us in, welcoming us with solace, eager to hear our stories and help hold our heavy thoughts.  Slowly, as our bodies wind around the bends, up and over the hills, we come back to ourselves. Our feet step lightly across the rocks in the streams, brush passed the green carpets and soft dirt, and it starts to feel as if we have always been there just like the trees.   We come back to ourselves in a way where the things that were cluttering our mind and hearts somehow clear out and we are left with the things that matter most.  We move, but yet, find stillness.  And with stillness, we find motion in being able to move forward in life.  

Motion in Stillness:  Moving Forward
Last night's trail run at dusk was the best way to get ready to say "goodbye for now" to a place I've come to love so deeply.  Despite the fact that we are neck deep in boxes, packaging tape and a house in disarray as we get ready to drive our family of five to Bend, Oregon, I knew I needed to get to the trails here in Asheville for one last run.  Just Me.  And I knew I needed to drive my little blue Corolla one last time. We just sold this special car and there's a BIG story here that is part of a my greatest love story. The following is just a small snippet of that story:

"So that summer I packed up my Corolla, borrowed a map and drove west without even a look back!  I can't quite explain the feeling that filled me so completely as I was driving through the mountains and plains of Colorado, Wyoming, Utah and finally Oregon!  I had never felt what I was feeling during that drive.  I felt as if I was living my life, really living it fully ALIVE for the first time ever!  I had no fear, no worry, no confusion or stress.  I was flying free!  I had never felt such a powerful presence of the "this is meant to be" feeling and I knew something big was just on the horizon. "

There was something beautiful and strange all at once about driving this car one last time right before  such a huge transition in our life.  I remember clearly how much my life was changed back in that car changed everything. Or rather it was my determination to change my life that changed everything.  And the unexpected and seemingly divine gift of a check that came in the mail at a time where everything in life felt hard (full story:  The Minute I Heard My First Love Story, I Started Looking for You...)  Driving this Corolla across the country when I was 21 with a heart full of hope and possibility was perhaps one of my most exhilarating experiences of all. I was moving forward, driving towards my destiny, about to meet the love of my life and start an entirely new chapter like never before, but yet my spirit was the most still and calm it had ever been.  Stillness in Motion.  I feel as if, in a sense, I am coming full circle back to the love story from 2000. As we get ready to drive from Asheville to Oregon to start a fresh and exciting chapter (this time married with three kids), I feel something wonderful stirring in this heart of mine.  Something big is again "just on the horizon".

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad about leaving Asheville.  A piece of Asheville will always be in this heart of mine and a piece of my heart will always be here.  Home to each other.  I truly do feel home here.  But for the first time since this process of coming here, working through some pretty big things, preparing for new starts in Bend, Oregon (instead of going back to Portland), finding a new house to call our home, I'm READY.  I'm ready to MOVE FORWARD and my heart and spirit feel the beautiful gift of stillness.  I know some of the reasons we moved here and I can see part of the extraordinary road that stretches out before me.  It's exciting.  I'm not that same twenty one year old that I was when I first packed up my blue Corolla to drive from Colorado to Oregon by myself, but I do have the same heart.  My spirit is still the dreamer and  still passionately alive and full of hope and possibility.  And I have a feeling deep inside that is so so similar to that feeling I had during what was one of the most meaningful and important moments of my life.

It's amazing to me to be able to see the connections and the reasons behind the past many years of my life.  Comforting and exciting to see just why I needed to experience all I have in the last few years and to see such clear significance that this year and a half in Asheville has been:  Another GIFT!

Yes, I'm ready.  I can see clearly today.  So many opportunities waiting for me...things I am in awe of, but yet, not surprised by, for they have been my dreams all along.  I just didn't know what exact forms my dreams would take. I needed time to stand still, even wander a little.  But now, everything that is on the horizon is what I know is right for me, for us, right now.  I'm standing on the edge of something big, ready to leap.  I'm trusting and taking comfort in stillness as we move forward.

Here's to Moving Forward and Finding Stillness in Motion,


  1. Oh Amanda! Love this! My current journal begins with a picture of my college car that we sold recently... and here is a piece of the first writing:

    The old Accord. Just a car, right? NO! It is a symbol of more than a decade of my life. Call it an early college graduation gift from my parents. I remember going to look at it with my dad. "Solid" he said, as he opened and closed the doors. "A safe car to take her out west." For that is where I intended on going. While it wasn't west that I went first, it ultimately accompanied me on not 1 but 2 nationwide journeys. And for a short time in 2005, the car, along with a storage shed in Pocatello, Id, served as a home to me and John. It is not just the car. It's the memories, the times gone by. A symbol for a chapter in our lives coming to a close. Of course -- a new one beginning.

  2. You can't see opportunities unless your eyes AND heart are open....which yours clearly are. Wishing you well.

  3. How wonderful to be able to trust and know that what you're doing will be right. Having faith in yourself and your decisions is truly a gift.