Running in Narnia

• Off on a women's retreat this weekend with my church.  
• Ran both days in a winter wonderland.  Softly falling snow, solitude, rushing rivers, heavy trees.  Felt like Narnia this morning.  Almost expected a wicked queen to come around on her sleigh and offer me some Turkish Delight before turning me into stone.
• I ran VERY slow and easy.  Just gave myself a break.  Didn't run my 17 mile long run today.  Instead I ran 7. I'm okay with this.  
• My head and heart are full.  Heavy might not be the right word but I certainly have much to process.
• It is somewhat easy for me to be open and vulnerable in most areas of my life.  Except when it comes to my relationship with God. This is so very personal.  This weekend stretched me in a lot of ways and I'm emotionally EXHAUSTED.
• My Mom cup was FULL when I got home and it was so nice to be with my kids.  I missed them.  And my husband.  
• So thankful for my family.  
• Glad to have made new friendships and spent time in prayer and worship.  But not so sure I'm comfortable with the walls coming down.  I'm kind of private when it comes to my spiritual beliefs.  This is a HARD thing for me.  I'm feeling just a tad vulnerable and not so sure I like the feeling right now.  
• Thankful for comforts and familiarity.  Good friends, family, routine, my home, TIME alone, My walls/boundaries.  I am beginning to think I have more introvert in me than I ever thought.  I think we all have a little of both but after this weekend, I'm realizing that I like being alone way more than I was aware.  This weekend was fun and relaxing but it was also a lot of work on a mental and emotional level.  
• Running for two days through winding mountain roads was absolutely beautiful.  Boston training was far far away from my mind and my running was just about being in nature and doing something I love.  This was a good break and was perfect timing for a cutback week in my plan.  I cut back a bit more in mileage than my plan called for.  I think this was good for me.  

Afterthoughts from this morning:

• A weekend of retreat food  totally gives me gas. My appetite was HUGE this weekend.  Partly to do with the fact that I'm marathon training and partly to do with the fact that I'm a nervous eater.  Stuffing food in my mouth is surely a habit I have when I'm not totally in my comfort zone.  A church retreat would be one of these places.  

• I really would have enjoyed a glass of wine this weekend.  Or a cold beer.  I was convicted of several things this weekend but one of them was that the occasional glass of wine or beer is really nice.  

• Church retreats and church events can sometimes feel suffocating for me. Only because it seems like too many people have their HOLY masks on and it keeps them from being REAL. I have had some really awful church experiences so it has taken years to let my guard down and be open to new beginnings.  It is easy to fall into a trap of having a church face and a real-life face because we think in order to have faith and have a personal relationship with God where we feel loved, we have to fit a certain mold.  Overall, this retreat wasn't  like that at all (it was refreshing)...people were real and down to earth from what I could tell from not really knowing anyone.  But there were a few times that I just wanted to stand up and say:  "Hi, my name is Amanda.  I believe in God and want to grow in my faith.  I also enjoy saying the F words sometimes, I lose my shit often, I like beer, and I'm really excited to watch The Bachelor tomorrow night."  Actually, maybe I did say this at one point. The big thing for me is that I just crave REAL.  I want to know people...the REAL them...not the "holy mask" them.    

• So nice waking up in my own bed this morning and getting up early to run faster than the slug pace I was going this weekend. 

• Oh, is it really only 7 weeks to Boston?!  

Amanda