One Mile at a Time!

Gosh, it has been awhile since I just sat down and wrote a blog just for me.  You know, the kind where I just let my thoughts flow, my words come out in whatever way they land on the screen, and my voice come through as a result.  The kind of blog where I. just. write. For. ME. That's why I started this blog in the first place but somewhere over the last couple of months, the desire to write has decreased greatly.  About as much as my stress level has increased.  Ha!  But here I am.  The sun is shining in Portland for the third day in a row, Christmas music is playing, the tree is up, and dare I even whisper it for fear of it all ending right this second, but my two youngest kids are playing quietly without any fighting or asking for snacks or spilling water or whining because something isn't going their way. My three year old is feeling content and in control of his little world this very second so there are not melt downs or power struggles going on. After his most recent hissy fit over not being able to take a piss on the front lawn and being asked to use the toilet, I'm definitely allowing myself some time to just ZONE OUT.  And breathe.  Waste time.  Look at stupid pictures on facebook that make me laugh and really, just try to put everything in perspective.

Perspective is everything. It's the name of the game for me lately and I'm definitely being conscious of putting some things in my world in a perspective that is healthy and realistic. If you're me, you OVERthink everything and DON'T do well with big changes even if you seek it out and crave it all at the same time.  This year has been a big one for me.  One big year of travel, processing, decision making, marathons, new relationships, big races, facing some pretty big emotional issues within myself, cutting ties with some parts of my life that I just didn't have energy for anymore, injury, etc.  Oh, and one minor thing....we decided to just MOVE ACROSS the country.  Just for fun.  An adventure.  A change just for the sake of doing something different and experiencing another part of our country while our kids are still  young. Really?  Yep.  As of now, this move is still planned for March even though my best friends keep checking in with me to see if I've changed my mind yet.  And the closer to March it gets, the more stressed I feel...just uneasy.  A little fearful.  I mean, wow!  Asheville, North Carolina?  So far away.  Don't know anything about the schools or where we will live or how often my husband will be traveling or how we will rent our house or who will rent our house or if we will even find a renter for our house. I'm finding myself worrying about the stupidest things.  But I'm trusting that this opportunity is here for us to take and that good things will come from it all. Things have unfolded so easily so far and it isn't just every day that we will have this kind of possibility to take advantage of...someone moving us, a job for my husband, a chance to travel to places that we've never been...you know, branching out and seeing what life has to offer. Finding what happens if we just LEAP.  And moving to a very beautiful and coveted place at that!  If anything, we will grow from it.  So, take a deep breath and calm down Amanda!  It will all fall into place.  You asked for it so enjoy embracing it.

I guess you can say that this has been one of the best and weirdest years of my life.  And it has kind of left me with that feeling of always trying to catch my breath.  That feeling of not ever really feeling much like myself and eventually wondering if I even know who that is anymore. Ha! You'd think I was back in college trying to find myself again. Good grief.  But what better to have in your life when you're feeling out of control and a little off your game?

RUNNING!

This pretty much sums up how I felt after my 6 miles in the pouring rain last Saturday.  So much joy and peace that came from just being out there with my thoughts and my friend Running.

So GLAD FOR RUNNING in my life again.  And I'm content with just that.  Running.  At this point, I don't care if I'm fast or slow or running a gazillion miles a week.  I'm just happy to be running.  I'm happy to be outside breathing in the fresh air and feeling the rain on my face.  I'm happy to be moving my legs and letting my mind unwind with every mile.  I'm happy to be injury free and feeling strong.  And I'm just okay being wherever I am.  Right Now.  Running is such a calm for my life.

With every week of marathon training so far, I've felt myself return to me just a little more than the week before.  I'm still in the first phase of the plan where I'm building a base and that means:

• a slow and steady increase in miles
• All EASY running

This week is an easy 50 miles that looks like:  

Mon: Off

Tues:  7 miles easy 6x20 second strides

Wed:  7 miles easy

Thurs: 7 Miles easy 6x20 second strides

Friday: 7 miles easy

Saturday: 7 miles easy 6x20second strides

Sunday: 15 miles

What is easy pace? Trying to keep most of my miles right around 8:15 to 8:30's.  Sometimes they are faster and sometimes they are slower (like today). The big hills in our neighborhood really do a number on the mile splits. And my paces feel slower than last year at this time for sure but I'm not really worried about it right now.  Just focused on keeping my runs, well, EASY.  I need running of any kind much more than I need speed or some lofty goal.  

Just writing this blog has been good for me.  My mind is quieter and clearer.  And, I feel a sense of calm that has come from letting my words flow.  One mile at a time here.  And thankful for every single one of the those miles.  The ones I'm running and the ones I'm living.  Life is beautiful.  

Amanda