Facebook VENT, and Reflections on Running, Motherhood, and MOVING

Not sure where I'm heading with this post but I do feel the need to write some thoughts down.  It feels almost essential for me to be still with myself and my thoughts as we are scurrying around on our last day in this house before the next chapter in our lives.  There are clothes all over the floors, suitcases in mid-pack, boxes stacked up along the perimeters of our bedrooms, piles sorted into "giveaways", "throw-outs", "pack away for keeps", etc.  This is it!  We are actually moving.  This is our first house. Our home for nine years.  It is the house that we brought all three of our babies home to.  It is the place we've come back to after travels.  The place that we've built so many memories in.  It is a place I thought that perhaps I would never leave.  My husband has tried for years to convince me that we should move to someplace new.  He talked of going on an adventure and seeing another part of the world while our kids were young and while we still had a considerable amount of freedom to just get up and go.  But I just was never ready.  I liked my comforts.  I liked knowing that my kids were right by their elementary school.  I loved that we had neighbors for our kids to play with.  Our busy culdesac full of bikes and strollers
laughing kids
sidewalk chalk scribbles
bubbles
cardboard houses being painted
"children at play" signs
endless summer days of imagination
trees to climb
a community of people we love

I was never ready.
Until now.
It is hard to think of moving and leaving all that we've had here in this small and loved house.  But it is time.  I think life, the universe, God, makes it pretty clear to us when something is meant to be.  And this move just kind of happened.  It came quickly.  It started with a friend traveling to Asheville, North Carolina and saying how much it reminded him of me and how he thought we'd thrive there.  Where is this place in North Carolina?  My first instincts were to just assume that it was a place that surely someone from Portland, Oregon wouldn't like so much.  But then the seed grew.  Next thing I knew, I was falling in love with the idea of this small city on the other side of the country.  A place much like Portland actually.  But also so different and new.  And a place that would give us an opportunity to see much of the east coast.  I liked the idea.  It was energizing to think of just picking up and heading out on an adventure.  And for the first time since moving here, I was READY.  Then the seed grew and grew.  Things were easy.  They just unfolded so perfectly.  My husband's work allowed for him to put in for a temporary transfer, they agreed he could live in Asheville, and one door after another continued to open until we are now a week away from flying to our new city that we will call home.

There is still so much to do but for the first time in weeks or maybe months...

I am so excited!  

Things just seem right now.  My daughter's 6th birthday party was yesterday and my husband's 34th birthday was Friday.  These were big things on my list that I needed to do "right" (for me and them) before I could focus on getting all packed up and ready to move.  I also needed the process of saying farewell to neighbors and friends.  Having parties and special times with special people has not only been a way for me to transition smoothly but it has been so important for my children.  Making sure that they are feeling closure, understanding, and peace regarding this huge move has been at the TOP of my AGENDA!  And with TREMENDOUS love and support from our neighbors, friends and family, we have some very special memories (new and old) to take with us.  My head and heart feel so ready for this next chapter!

Just a few thoughts:

Running
I'm at full peace with where my running is at right now.  It took a day or two after Napa to snap out of any sulky or disappointed feelings.  Really, I am thankful for the process I had in training for that marathon.  It helped me stay focused during an otherwise stressful few months of getting ready for this move.  I said from the beginning that it wasn't all about the end result.  It was about the training and ENJOYING training smart and happy.  So, in light of those goals, Napa Training was a SUCCESS.  Yes, bummer about the marathon being rough but OH WELL.  Lots going on in my life.  LOTS.  A full head here.  I'm sure the days of having a clear head and normal routines in life is just around the corner. This will make for a better time to be shooting for bigger goals IF I decide that's what I want.  In the meantime, I'm genuinely enjoying JUST RUNNING.  And after yesterday's run where I felt my legs come back to me FULLY, I'm so excited to run Boston.  I'm excited to continue to stay fit, put the mileage in, stay healthy and then get to Boston ready to enjoy the 26.2 mile run.  I like the idea of having a Boston without a goal other than to enjoy it.  I'm looking forward to seeing some of my best friends and meet some new running friends that I've enjoyed getting to "know" through their running blogs.  And I'm hopeful of some good running weather UNLIKE my first two Boston Marathons (85-87 degrees in 2004 and 90 degrees in 2012).

Motherhood
Motherhood guilt.  My new year's resolution was to start living my life with way less GUILT over the things I'm not doing and focus on more of the things I AM doing.  This has been 80% successful so far.  I still find myself feeling guilty for things I do and say and things I don't do and say but I've really been good at recognizing what I AM as a mother.  We are too hard on ourselves moms!  At least I have been.  I'm still being intention on BEING INTENTIONAL with my kids.  I'm conscious of BEING PRESENT with them, looking them in the eyes, having meaningful conversations, apologizing when I need to, making memories that count, and not being afraid to be REAL in front of them.  Part of being a good parent to me means that I show my kids that life is imperfect and that we always have opportunities to grow and change things if we don't like them.  I am so eager to start exploring a new city and a new side of the country with my family.  I am looking forward to exploring the libraries, ice cream shops, nature hikes, and all that Asheville and the surrounding area have to offer.

Life
Well, Life....See Above.  :)

One of the things that has been on my mind a lot lately (and meant for another post in and of itself) is the topic of FACEBOOK.  I've noticed so much criticism and negative tones in regards to facebook lately.  And I have some pretty strong opinions.  Just some thoughts off the top of my head in Bullet VENT form:

• If you don't like Facebook, don't use it.  Period.  But don't knock on the people that do like it and use it.  As with everything in life, we are all at different places and stages.  Let people be.
• I hear a lot of people make fun of others for their posts or for  how often they post or for what they post, etc. etc.  As if they are better people for not posting. Again, if it isn't your thing, Then DON'T USE IT.  Why even get on it if you think you're better than that?  
• I get that there are people that just like to "lurk" or "look" or "catch up" and  not post.  I understand this.  This is great if that's how you are.  
• I'm also finding it interesting to see how people view the people that do post.  I had a conversation the other day that really made me think.  A person was saying how they didn't feel like they really had much to share that people were interested in.  But I disagreed.  I happened to think that their life was interesting and I think so many people would love to hear what they were doing with their kids and how they were living their life.  But, that's me.  I think we can certainly share too much but I think sharing our LIVES is what makes LIFE SO BEAUTIFUL.  I love seeing things that inspire me to be a better _______, ________, ________.  I love posts that make me think and make me think "Ah, I want to do that too!".  And I love sharing my life too.  I think this is part of giving and receiving in light of HUMANITY.  
• But somehow Facebook has come to mean different things to MANY.  Somehow people have come to see it as others trying to "get attention" or "show off".  My friend mentioned that he thought that there was no reason why someone would post a picture of their child's birthday cake or project except to get recognition from others that they NEED.  I think maybe this is true for some.  But so not for others.  As humans in this big big world with all of our friends and family stretched out all over the place, it is fun to share and celebrate with others.  It is fun to have a community outside of our closer community where we get to have windows into others' lives.  
• And for those that do find the need to use Facebook simply to "show off" or "FAKEBOOK" or say things that are annoying to others....Um, you can "hide" them.  Or for crying out loud, heaven forbid you just see them and love them for where they are at in life without judging them or thinking you are better than them because you are cool enough to NOT SHARE a darn thing about your life because you are somehow "ABOVE THAT".  Twitter is way cooler?  Or Instagram...THAT'S the new thing?  Good grief people (you know who you are), we all are just getting by in this world in the way that makes us happy.
• Not sure why this bugs me so much lately.  Perhaps it is because I do like Facebook.  I think it can be overused for sure and I do plan on trying to reduce my use of it by A LOT.  But I also think it is funny (and a little sad) at how some people are almost scared to share their life ...their thoughts and pictures on Facebook for fear of being judged or seen as "needing recognition" or "showing off" even when they aren't.  So instead of posting, they just look and then get mad when anyone tags them, mentions them or draws attention to the fact that they actually use and enjoy Facebook.  Really?  
• I also respect the fact that there are just people that are NOT into social media and that genuinely have no interest in making their life public.  I respect these friends.  And I have quite a few.  But I'm also thankful that they don't judge and look down their noses at me for ENJOYING social media...Facebook included.  And I do enjoy it.  I like writing my thoughts and sharing moments of my life as they come.  That's part of my personality.  And it isn't because I'm "needy" of recognition or that I'm trying to be "Fake" and make my life look cooler than it really is.  I tell the the shitty stuff too.  I share the ups and downs and highs and lows.  It is about sharing my life.  And those that want to know about it, awesome.  Those that don't, that's awesome too.  .....
• Do I think Facebook and other social media forms are overused and take away from actual living sometimes....HECK YES!  I think I've found myself in this rut at various times over the last 5ish years too and I'm thankful that I've been conscious and reflective over it so that I can put it in its right place.  
• Just Stop Judging.  Stop criticizing others for being different from you.  Stop looking at things that annoy you and judging the people that post things that make you feel "less".  This is something in YOU.  Not in the person posting.  Nobody can MAKE you feel anything...you allow yourself to feel this way.  
• And if you don't want people to see pictures of you on Facebook when you are tagged:  Um, CHANGE YOUR SETTINGS so that people don't see.  Or get off Facebook if you just really have an issue with it.  

Woo Wee, that was quite the vent.  I have so much more to say on the topic too.  It has been one of those things I've observed quietly over the past year and there are several different trends and attitudes in light of social media that have my brain heavy with thoughts and reflections.  But I'll save those for another day.  

In the meantime, a 10 mile run and the task of packing up this house is ahead of me. 

Amanda