So many thoughts I'm processing. Thoughts about the people hurt and killed, where I was when this awful tragedy occurred, the "what-ifs", my loved ones, my race, and what I've taken away from all of this. I think it is important for me to process my feelings through writing and telling my story and so I will...soon...maybe tonight. I also think that sharing our stories with each other is one way to to bring peace, healing and strength to our community. For now, here are some thoughts I posted earlier on Facebook in thinking about those runners that didn't get to finish before the explosions. They have a story of their own to tell as they experience the grief over this senseless violence in addition to not being able to finish their 26.2 mile journey from Hopkinton to the finish line in Boston. One they worked so hard for.
"So much goes into training for a marathon. So much. Time, heart, goals, dreams, personal battles, emotional struggles...training for and finishing our marathons brings personal growth, therapy, joy, and so so much. We often experience pain and struggle in addition to the feelings of accomplishment but all of these things go into teaching us something about life and ourselves. We always walk away from the marathon with a new sense of life, self, hope, and about what is most important to us. Our marathons carry over to our every day, and make us stronger. Whether we have a good race or a crummy one...a PR or a personal worst...running with injury or running whole...we ALWAYS have something to process. Our experience often sits with us for many days as we process our race residue. But finishing our marathons brings with it a closure of sorts. Getting our medals and crossing that finish line is something that only those that have done it can understand completely. It is part of why we do it again and again and again...that feeling that comes from training for and completing our race. In light of the Boston tragedy, this marathon is especially hard to process for all of us. In addition to feeling such compassion and pain for those who lost their life, were injured, or had loved ones affected, my heart goes out to those of you that didn't get to finish your Boston Marathon (for many of you, it was your first). Such a loss in itself...I hope you allow yourself to feel that grief and acknowledge the lack of closure you have in addition to the terrible tragedy you are processing along with all of us. The spirit of the running community is incredible. We will all persevere just as we have learned to do through the sport we love the most. It is a spirit that doesn't die but only gets stronger. Love to all of you."
Amanda
Amanda, I've recently checked in after really not blog reading in the last year as I knew you were moving and wanted to see how you were doing...I thought of you yesterday as I knew you were there. So glad you, your friends, and family are all well. Thank you for this post. I keep thinking about all the runners who didn't get to finish and grieving for them. I felt guilty about that, knowing the bigger tragedy was obviously the loss of life and physical harm that occurred on those streets. However, I really hope the people who all trained so hard, dreamed, and planned their Boston Marathon for years and didn't get to finish yesterday are able to grieve that loss as well and not feel guilty for doing so. As most runners are, I know they will come back strong, resilient, and will conquer those streets again. We will not let a coward take the joy of the marathon for the years ahead. Congrats on your race, Amanda!! God bless you and all the new life adventures you have ahead. Appreciate your authenticity as always!! Much love, Julie D. :) (the Vancouver crew!) ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for acknowledging those who didn't finish - I feel like this act took something away from them, too.
ReplyDeleteglad you're safe and are able to write about it.....I'm still struggling and will be for some time, but will continue to run....one foot in front of the other solves a lot of problems, doesn't it? :>)
ReplyDeleteGlad you and family are safe. So weird to have such a think mark our big "family" of runners and sport.
ReplyDeleteHope you had a good race ..but even so don't forget to see that Dr!
Thought so much about you yesterday and today. My heart is still broken as I grapple with the fact that my family was RIGHT there last year. And yet my memories will be so different from this years. Sadness. But we are a mighty group and I expect nothing more than resilience from our community of runners.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to hear that you are ok. The day keeps playing over and over for me and I just can't help but be thankful we had made different choices and were not there with our children. My heart goes out to those who did not finish...a hunger unsatisfied. A good friend of mine was turned away at mile 25.5 and while he is grateful of course to be fine as well as his family...he is determined to return next year and finish what he started. That is the spirit of a runner and that can't be taken away!
ReplyDeleteI had those same thoughts during the day of the tragedy, how those who still had yet to cross the finish line must feel. While trying to process the grief, sadness, and anger of what happened and worrying about all those directly affected, the grief in not finishing is also something they must deal with. :( My heart aches for them. I'm sure for many of them, this was their first Boston and we all know how much work is involved in leading up to qualifying for the race. So much was taken away from them as well. I hoping Boston Marathon is able to do something for all of them. Has any word come out on that yet? I'm hoping they get a commemorative medal and another spot in next year's race.
ReplyDeleteLast night at dinner my youngest (he just turned 12) was talking about what happened and his main concern was for all of those who had spent so much time training and didn't get to finish. As a mom and runner my heart overflowed at that moment - the fact that this 12 year old (not a runner) recognized how hard the act of not getting to finish is.
ReplyDeleteThank you for continuing to share your story of Boston!
I am so glad you and your family are ok. I think about running races and how much crossing that line means to a runner and I am so sad for those who didn't finish, and for all those who are hurt and recovering. I hope the people who operate the marathon give medals to everyone who started that race, and that next year they return to complete what they started. Take care Amanda!
ReplyDeleteah, so many feelings. thinking of you, and everyone else that's been effected by this event. praying for you all that you may find some peace with it all.
ReplyDeleteOh Amanda.... SO much to think about hear and I am still at a loss for words. I cannot imagine what those running on Boyleston when this happened are feeling, as well as the thousands that did not get to finish what they started. I feel INCREDIBLY blessed to have finished safely. When I look at my medal I am reminded of the many that were not so fortunate and I know it could have just as easily have been me. I still have many thoughts on all of this but my mind is still trying to process everything. I guess I'm really struggling with feeling guilty that I walked away from this unharmed but many did not.
ReplyDeleteOn a totally different and happy note- I am SO glad I was able to finally meet you!! : )
So glad you and your family are okay Amanda! Hang in there and take all you need to process what happened. I am incredibly proud of you and just astonished yet again by how incredible the running community is.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you guys are ok! I still just cannot process this. Those who did or did not finish are certainly a part of this too, though I'm sure everyone who was forced off the course early is not upset about it. I mean, perspective! I can't believe this happened. I want to get up and run a marathon now!
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