I've been struck with that glow. That high. You know, the one that you can only get from a run. A longer run for me. Really, the longest I've run in quite some time. Considering that my weekly mileage has probably not been over 20ish miles in awhile, my long run has been a whopping 8 miles, and I skip more days than I run, I'm really really happy that I fit in a 10 mile run today. I needed it. Oh, I NEEDED it. Gosh, I forget how much running serves as therapy for me. It helps me make sense of this life. It gives me a peace like nothing else. When I'm out there running... really running....
sweating
breathing
focusing
dreaming
talking to myself
setting goals
letting my feet lead the way...
I'm finding myself all over again.
When I take time for these kinds of runs...the kind I had today... I'm giving myself such a gift.
 |
| Ended my 10 miles right in front of this. My initials (before marriage). With a beautiful red canoe behind them. I love seeing beauty in things that I've run by many times but never noticed. A sign? Yes, I think so. I think there are signs everywhere. This one reminded me that I find MYSELF when I just let go and RUN. Longer. |
Before my run today, I was just feeling BLAH. I was angry. Hurt. Frustrated. Missing home. Realizing how much of a sacrifice it can be to have your partner in the heart of marathon training...especially when you're a stay at home mom and long runs come on the weekend. And I was SICK to DEATH of the constant and supposedly rare for here RAIN that comes
EVERY.
SINGLE.
DAY.
I mean, I wanted to get away from Portland for lots of reasons but one of the biggest reasons was because of the rain. The rain. The Rain. And more rain. But funny, Portland is getting one of the most amazing summers it has had in quite some time. Sunshine. Blue Skies. Butterflies. And I brought all the rain here to Asheville. It's all downstairs in my flooded basement. Ha! Ah, Life, you've got a sense of humor, haven't you?
I know,
I know,
The Grass isn't always GREENER.
The rain will follow you if you run from it. Think Metaphor.
But really, it isn't just the rain.
It's lots of things.
It's being the end of summer. Those last few weeks where mothers everywhere are throwing their hands up. We forget what time of year it is. We forget that routine and structure are just around the corner and our lives are about to get so much easier. It usually takes me a few days of feeling like I'm going crazy and I need to get my career back before I realize where I'm at in my year. It takes a few days of dusting off my Masters degree and wondering how I got to this point where I'm wearing a robe at 10:30 while cleaning up messes and listening to three different kids ask me a question as the same. exact. time. There has to be a name for this. Moms? Let's think of a name for this end of summer madness. This clustery, non-structured, pulling our hair out string of days where we swear we are alone in our madness. Where we wish we would have signed them up for more summer camps. That time where we would give anything to have a remote control to just shut all three kids off for just 20 stinking minutes. Just 20 minutes of silence. 20 minutes of just listening to nothing. 20 minutes of shutting off the
CONSTANT
MOM
MOM
MOM
MOM?!
MOM?
MOM!
MOM?
Where we don't have to say "WHAT?!" every 3 seconds.
Ah, but yes, yes, we WILL miss this someday so suck it up Moms. Suck it up. Right? This time will go way too fast and then I'll wish I heard the Mom Chorus again. I'm sure of it. But it doesn't change my crazy feelings
right
now.
However, my run sure did change things. It just makes it all seem a little bit more enjoyable. And to think I wasn't even going to run today. So glad I did.
10 miles of just letting it all out. Just enough time for the rain to stop, the sun to come out, and for me to find a semi-flat area to run in Asheville (VERY RARE). First mile a very easy 8:50 and last mile 7:30 with finishing at a 7:04 pace. Nothing spectacular. Nothing fancy or fast. But DARN it felt good to just run with my heart. To just run. Not because it was in a plan or because I felt like I needed to fit in a run. But just to RUN! And believe in myself again.
Thankful.
Amazing how this run has just made everything else so much easier. It's like looking through a completely different set of "life spectacles". And you know, I'm determined to keep this feeling going. I've spent too long without running regularly. At least the longer runs. I need my long runs back. They are the times in my life where I reconnect with myself the most. They make me happy. They are my therapy (and I believe we all benefit from therapy). They make me smile with my whole SELF. My WHOLE SOUL. And when we smile with our soul, we put out a really powerful energy into this crazy wonderful universe that will come back to us in a powerful way.
I want this.
Amanda
Sounds like a beautiful, perfect run. I love the idea of "life spectacles"! Thanks for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteAwe, great post. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you were able to run today and that it was a run just to run!!! Best kind of run ever!!!
ReplyDeleteWhen you talked about dusting off your Master's degree, all I could do was smile. I remember those days of non-stop questions, talking and taking care of kids - there were so many times that I had to remind myself that I had lots of education (a Master's + many hours toward a 2nd Master's) and could surely handle the day-to-day stuff. But, it was hard!!! Now, I'm fixing to send my babies to high school and middle school on Tuesday and dealing with a whole new set of questions in my life!
Why does it seem so hard to take time for ourselves? I'm glad you went for a run. My runs usually involve a jogging stroller--which is awesome in its own way but not the same as a solo run--so last night I went for an impromptu walk (okay, it was after a disagreement with the husband...walking was better than yelling). It was the first thing in a long string of days I had done *just for me.* Not because I had to or thought I should or because it was for someone else, but only for me. And it was perfect. Do these things more often, if possible.
ReplyDeleteCheers to you, mama, as you sail through the last days of summer on sometimes choppy waters! I'm in another, similar boat waving to you.
Yay for a great run and much needed it sounds like! I know what you mean with the constant mom, mom, mom, aack! Funny to think someday we will miss them being so little.
ReplyDeleteYou summed up so well how one run can completely turn your day around. So glad you got out to clear your head and feel better! And I hear you- I need those moments of quiet, too. We also just moved so we're going through a new transition which has meant a few extra meltdowns for my 3yo and requires lots of extra patience that I have to dig down deep to find!
ReplyDeleteGlad you are back to your running self!
ReplyDeleteAnd this is very rare for the South to have this much rain. We are getting hit almost every day with rain here in Texas. This happened three or four years ago.