Tonight is one of those nights when I catch and gently redirect myself back to where I want to be. It is so easy for me to get obsessive and one tracked with my thinking and doing and before I know it, I'm losing control on so many of the other things that are important to me. I'm not sure what has been up with me the past couple of weeks but I've just been in a Funky Cloud. I have not felt on my GAME as a mother, wife, friend...you know, that feeling like things just are not lining up! I've kind of felt indifferent about things that I'm generally pretty passionate about. Perhaps I can merely chalk it up to "that time of the month" or being tired but whatever it is, I'm ready to lift the cloud, take a long close looks at my life, and get back in the zone of Awesomeness! That zone where everything seems balanced and in check and the energy I'm sending out is as as wonderful as the energy I'm getting more of!
Running
My training is one of the things I've been more obsessive about than usual. I've been thinking a lot more about what it will take to reach some big goals. I find myself thinking about racing and running all the time. When I should be thinking about other things and being fully present with those that I love. God. My kids. My husband. Don't get me wrong, I think it is perfectly legit to be thinking through training plans, race strategy, goals, etc. during the day and while I'm doing things but I can't allow my training to take over my every thought. I have to stay BALANCED or my running will OWN me instead of me being in control of it. And this will lead me down an all too familiar path where, instead of improving as a runner, I will become way too mental about it all. This limits me. Instead of just running and doing what I know I can do, I OVER THINK and end up making it all way harder than it is.
Motherhood
Being a mother is hard. Enough said. Being good at the art of parenting and raising children is so much more work than anyone ever tells you. I find myself really slipping lately. Getting lazy with my parenting and not putting forth the effort that I should. Instead of using stressful situations with my kids as teachable moments and redirecting their squabbles with love and gentleness, I find myself yelling way more than I ever thought I would. Barking really. Growling even. Today maybe even a snarl or two. I know the tricks. I know how to get them back on track so that a small fight and mischievous ploy doesn't turn into a horrific day where everyone ends up with consequences and feeling lousy about themselves. I know the difference between strong parenting and poor parenting skills. So, why do I find myself being so lazy as a mother lately? I've turned into a threatening, reacting, fired up fool that wants my kids to do as I say and not as I do! Okay, I'm probably being my own worst critic but really, I'm ready to start being a little more ACTIVE and ON with my motherhood game. These days are short. My job as a mother is my most important job I will ever have.
A Few Goals To Get Myself Redirected
- Connect with each of my children fully and thoughtfully every day! This will always be an ongoing goal. Even if it is only 10-15 minutes with each kid where for those 10-15 minutes they feel like they are the center of my world. Maybe this will be a story together, a conversation, a cuddle...something where my mind is focused fully in the present moment with them!
- Pray and connect with God! This part of my life is failing. I need to recharge myself on a spiritual level and take time for quiet meditation (without letting running come into my thinking)
- Keep running FUN! This is important to me. This is key for me. I run my best when the pressure is off. My Goal is to surprise myself. For me this means not overanalyzing things but allowing myself to enjoy the surprise and the learning. Planning a little is essential but planning too much for a race is destructive for me.
- Ask my husband about his job and goals more. It shouldn't be all about Me and lately I feel as if it is. I also want to really think of small things to do for him that mean a lot...making coffee for the next day, helping him make his lunches, eye contact and being fully present and attentive when he is talking to me and telling me about his day.
- Dream Big and be creative with my thinking. It is important for me to remind myself not to put limits on myself...limits caused by fear and insecurity. This goes with my dreams of writing, goals with running, and where I choose to take my career.
What about you? Do you have any "reset goals" that you come back to again and again?
Amanda
Good goals! Very important to each person.
ReplyDeleteI am currently standing on my reset button. Actually, I am stomping on it.
I really like the pic - wish this plain land I live in had views like that one.
Hi there!
ReplyDeleteokay, are you still in SF? how long? wanna come up to 'Slow-noma?";-)
and for goals...springtime is a definite time for goal resetting. Clearing the cobwebs, giving way for the newness of Spring!!
Oh! And also, I just want to say it is amazing how much your blog has grown and you've only been blogging for ~6 months. wow. very inspiring...;-)
I had ONE day like that last week when I noticed how quickly I was snapping rather than getting to eye level and actually parenting. Ryan asked if I wanted a backrub and a nap. I said yes to both and have felt re-charged ever since. :)
ReplyDeleteI am having this time in my life right now too.
ReplyDelete*Thanks for that reminder about the husband. I should go see what mine is up to these days. IF I can find him.
WOW!!! This was perfect for me. I feel like this injury has made me realized how obsessed I was with running and now I am remembering the REALLY important things in life....especially GOD!!! Let's work on this together. I love that you reset with your goals. You are an amazing mother/wife/runner/friend and don't ever forget that gorgeous girl. YAY to keeping running fun!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I like to multitask while running. I will occasionally run without music and spend that time as an open prayer with God. Its really easy to thank God for his creation, your health and abilities while out enjoying a run.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!! I love it! I think it's really easy to get caught up in life and to just go with the flow. I definitely think it's important to remember what the important things TRULY are. Balance is the key to a happy life. I think doing things for your spouse is one of the most rewarding things. It feels good to make the person you chose to spend your life with feel good. Prayer and meditation are also so helpful because it brings you closer to God and yourself. I think everything will fall into place but it's definitely helpful to look at your priorities from time to time.
ReplyDeleteThis almost made me cry. I so needed to read this today. I feel like I could've written this post. Seriously. Yesterday, I was yelling so much. A little alarm was going off, but I just ignored it. Gotta change that.
ReplyDeleteIn this crazy world it is difficult to keep yourself grounded and selfless. Hitting the reset button is necessary for everyone, so don't be so hard on yourself because we are all human and human nature tells us that the things of the world are far more important then spirituality and faith.
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful person and Gods perfect creation.
Kerrie, this makes me so happy to hear! I told my husband that sometimes I don't post the things that turn out to be more of a journal entry but then I told myself that sometimes this is what people like the most because they might be thinking the same things. So glad it was what you needed today...and so glad I'm not alone. :) Thanks for the comment.
ReplyDeleteYou are so amazing at self evaluation and staying centered. I go through phases too and have to constantly bring myself back to what is really important in life. You are such a good example to me!
ReplyDeleteThat picture is awesome!! I can totally relate to the part about parenting. I've been slipping too b/c I'm just so caught up with our house stuff right now that it's all consuming. I really need to take a break, take a breath, and connect with my boys more.
ReplyDeleteI keep trying to reset my exercise button. I lay in bed at night and think of all the things I want to accomplish the next day. The next morning, I wake up and can't pull myself out of bed to get to the gym. I read, watch tv, or get on the computer instead. I am annoyed with myself every time!
ReplyDeletePraise God you wrote this. I can relate to ALL OF IT! gosh...we do have a lot in common. I need to re-read this a few times then go meditate on it myself. Thanks Amanda! always so full of wisdom!!! xoxoxo
ReplyDeletegreat goals!
ReplyDeleteAfter my 3 mile run on Monday turned out crappy, I came home in a bad mood and I let it affect me all night and pretty much all day yesterday. Now all day I am thinking about my 6 mile run this evening and how excited I am for it and how well I hope it goes...
ReplyDelete... that is fine, but I need to make sure it doesn’t overcome my thoughts and mood, you know? There are other things in life too, and I need to remember that and focus on them, wether my run is good or bad or none at all.
Once again... great post Amanda! I have been in this exact place the last few weeks, the difference is you sit down and figure out a way to change how you feel... I lack this skill! Us Moms have a challenging job of balancing, I am thankful for you and your ability to blog, as you are part of my community that helps me to be a better Mom. Have a wonderful day!!!
ReplyDeleteI’m really going to try to keep my comment to 8 paragraphs today! First of all, truly know I thoroughly read all your posts and take so much of what you say to heart! Your feelings under running and motherhood only too familiar. ”My job as a mother is the most important job I will ever have” So so true. Thanks for the reminder. And yes, you are likely your own worst critic. It’s quite obvious that you’re a fantastic mom!
ReplyDeleteYour goals especially #1 and #4.
For the record, you REALLY inspired me way back in one of your first posts to try to be more fully present with my kids. A reality check that in the crazy busy, I often “hear” but don’t “listen” and “participate” but don’t really “get in the game”. I have my struggles with it for sure, but honestly since reading that post, I’ve been putting forth a conscious effort to turn off the “mind chatter” and spend individual FOCUSED time with my kids-even if it’s just a short time. Max and I read in the morning before school. Every morning he grabs his book and we hop in the chair and that’s HIS time. I don’t think about running, I don’t think about the cereal bowls on the counter, I think about what a special little boy I have and how and He NEEDS uninterrupted time with me. I lay in Ryan’s bed with her for 15 minutes or so every night before she goes to bed because she’s comfortable talking to me in the dark….safety in the dark for both of us. My Reesie is the first one up these days and gets breakfast with me by herself almost every morning. Hoping to move my time with her to the running trail soon!!! Anyway, Thank YOU for reminding me to give this focused time to them. You have been quite an influence on so many in this blog world even if you don’t realize it, both as a runner and a mother! Just read your comments and it’s easy to see how many people admire you:)
OK-not 8 paragraphs but two EXTREMELY long ones so I won’t elaborate on #4 or answer the question but you have definitely provoked my thoughts today as usual.
What?? We're not suppose to growl at our kids? Darnit, I've done it wrong for 20 years now!! :)
ReplyDeleteKidding. Sometimes. :)
I think for me, balance comes when I can sleep more and not so overwhelmed with tiredness. I think clearer, I function fuller, and I don't waste so much time being lethargic. But it's not an easy task as an OLD LADY now!! :) I work on it constantly, for everyone's sanity!!
Hope you're enjoying your awesome trip - and thank you dearly for the great birthday wishes!! Glad you're coming to the big bash next year - it's gonna rock!!
xo
That is such a gorgeous picture!! are you in San Fran for pleasure?! I can relate to so much of this post. runner/mother/wife/friend/child of God. Thank the Lord he pursues us, even when we aren't pursuing him. I was reminded today of this at Costco of all places! He wants me to come to him with all that I feel inadequate with and all my weaknesses...which are too many to count. I so often feel defeated but when I realign myself with how the Lord sees me, I'm in such a better place. Time to RESET!!! Thanks for the post.
ReplyDeleteGreat pic! That looks like it was taken from Crissy Field =) That field is one of my favorite places in SF - you can see everything from there (Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, etc). My friend and I play football there sometimes, I always look forward to going there.
ReplyDelete"I have to stay BALANCED or my running will OWN me instead of me being in control of it."
ReplyDeleteLove this Amanda! You are always so eloquent with your message! Being presen is a constant struggle for me and many I'm guessing. When I start statement with, "I can't wait until...." I know I am missing out on time NOW!
Have a fantastic trip!!!
Awesome post, as usual! You are focusing on the right things. And you gave me a little reminder here that I need to ask the hubs about his stuff more than I do!
ReplyDeleteoh my, Amanda, it's as if you scooped the thoughts right out of my brain and put them into words. i have had the same kind of "cloud" hanging over me for the last few weeks. i thought i'd come out of it, but i can't quite seem to shake it!! i've been feeling so apathetic about the things that usually get me really excited in life. i feel like i'm just going through the motions lately. that same apathy definitely spills over into parenting. i've gotta get my act together before summer vacation when both my kids are home all day, every day for 2 1/2 months!! as far as running goes, i need to get myself some goals. my running has become very stagnant without something to work towards.
ReplyDeletehere's hoping that beautiful balance returns SOON!!
Such a wonderful post. It resonates with me quite deeply.
ReplyDeleteOur bridge! Are you still in CA? I only live 15 minutes from that bridge! Such a shame for you to be so close and to not get to meet you!
Thank you. Just thank you.
ReplyDeleteI need a reset myself and I think I just might make my hubby coffee tomorrow (wink).
Love the photo at the beginning of your post too.
I think this is just the time in the semester when the term is almost over and there's so much work to do that I sort of lose touch with other important aspects of life. I definitely need to reset some of my goal frameworks and my attitude. I'm not a mother, but I do have a spouse whose goals, thoughts, and feelings I haven't considered very much this past week.
ReplyDeleteThese are all really good! I need to find a way to get some more balance in my life, but I'm struggling with realistic goal setting. You are going to be my inspiration to get my stuff together!
ReplyDeleteI love the new picture header!
ReplyDeleteJust this past Sunday, during the opening prayer at church, I found myself completely zoned out, thinking about the half marathon I had run the day before. Right there. In church. DURING PRAYER. I'm thinking about running. Something's wrong with that picture.
Can you be my best friend? I recently found your blog and I LOVE IT! You're such a strong, beautiful person inside and out. This post hit it out of the park. I'll be reading for as long as you are posting!
ReplyDeleteThanks to God for second chances, fresh starts, do-overs, and the grace to catch us when we fall.
I love this, and I love your brave, honest posts. Motherhood is such a selfless life, and we are selfish people, so to constantly be giving of ourselves is draining, if attempted from our own power. At least that's what I believe. Being grounded in God, and having an outlet for our emotions (running!), and being aware of exactly what you've written is so important. Thank you for the reminder! I had a few moments today where I thought "is that really me, saying that and sounding that way?" while getting frustrated with my kids. I needed this reminder!
ReplyDeleteI think you are a super mom. Just remember that you can't be perfect, and actually being perfect would not be good for your kids; they need to see that even parents get mad, have tough days, etc, so that they don't put pressure on themselves to be perfect.
ReplyDeleteI used to struggle with keeping my running in line. At that point, my work was not v stable and it was v stressful, so I was using running to compensate. Now I no longer have that need bc things are stable. I think it is great to have other things aside from family, that are yours, that you can turn to and use for coping. But I do agree that keeping an eye on that is important. And I completely agree, running must be fun. I always say that when it stops being fun, I am out.
Hope you get out of the funk. But, please give yourself permission to not be perfect some of the time. Would it shock you if I said that a little yelling is good for kids?
I approve your plan Amanda. Man, you get the longest comments. Woo wee. I have to write alot, filler, if you will, so my comment won't look so short.
ReplyDeleteSo, how's the weather?
Guess what? That new pic in your header is actually my home town where I spent the first 19 years of my life. Marin County.
Okay, I wrote enough. Bye.
I think your approach is perhaps as rounded as I've ever seen. Execution is always the trick, yes? But many struggle with even the plan, but you have more than half the battle sorted.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Chris K on the comment lengths. But perhaps guys can get a pass, we are not quite as good at these things.
I love the new photo!! And... you are not alone on the occasional 'funk.' It is so easy to get caught up in 'something' and then you realize you're not giving 100% to other very important things in your life. I have absolutely been going thru this lately, too.
ReplyDeleteMy 'reset goal' usually happens after a very tough shift in the E.R. or I.C.U when I realize how lucky I am NOT to be laying in that hospital bed and to have my health and all the other great things that have been blessed with. That sets me straight pretty quickly!!
Your first paragraph describes perfectly how I felt this morning. I had one little road bump in an already over-full day and I was ready to throw in the towel. I just felt like I wasn't doing a good job at anything but with the help of a lot of hard work and my Mum who came and cleaned my house I was able to turn it around. And for a change I didn't let the bad start taint the whole day.
ReplyDeleteHey!!! Im back after taking a small break in the bloggy world. LOVING the new blog photo dear. It's perfect!!!!
ReplyDeleteLoving your goals!!! You always inspire me!
I had a chat with myself the other day on my long run about this. I feel like I don't do enough(housework, spending time with our daughter, loving on the hubs, running, lifting...I could go on) I came to the conclusion that I don't have to. Each day is different and I can choose what to make important for me, my husband, and my daughter. Whatever doesn't get done on my check-list can be done tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a great job! We are our own worst critics!
I'm inspired by your goals. I also think it is so important to spend some time really focused on the things and people that you love. I'm trying to do more of that in my life too :)
ReplyDeleteWe can't be spot on all the time. It sounds like you've got a good handle on what direction you're heading, which will help you get there.
ReplyDeleteI had been saving your post to read because I knew it was one I needed to pay attention to. I am not able to be as candid as you are with your posts but I am so greatful for your openness. So many times you say exactly what I need to hear or what I have been feeling.
ReplyDeleteI am really concentrating these days on having balance with everything. I have started by playing with my baby more because I have discovered that the more self sufficient and independent he gets is he really can do so much on his own. He is only 10 months old but not long ago he needed me for everything and while it is great he is crawling/standing and curious. I love his giggles, his baths, his crawling all over me and for us to have our time where we play even if it isn't for more than a few minutes at a time.
I make a point to really listen to my husband about his day and his job it something I have been working consiously, and diligently on. He has an intense job that deals with bad situations that go on in the world but it is so hard to hear about. We have struck a balance on what I do and don't want to hear and I think that has helped us immensely.
That leads to God. My husband has a job where you really have to believe because it is easy to lose faith and say how can God allow this to happen. I pray very much for those children that have made it to the place where he works because of where they came from. God is good and really can help you through all things if you can have some faith. He always helps me with my running and to dig a little deeper and ask for more of myself.
My reset goals are ongoing and change often but you touched on a few of the main ones that I have for myself. I will cheer you on, and you do the same for me
This is such a good post. I love your reset goals. I need to take some time to think of some useful goals for myself. I could use a reset in many areas of my life.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your posts, this one is especially inspiring! I too would like to think more about my goals and what is REALLY important to me. It's great that you are able to have such a balance in you life with being a mom, a wife, and a runner just to mention a few roles :)! Good luck with all your goals! :)
ReplyDeleteCan I be a guy, if it means that I don't have to write such long comments...not because I can't do it, but because someone else always wants me to leave the computer...ya know.?
ReplyDelete#1 You are a GREAT mom, wife, runner.
#2 Re-read #1 until it sticks :)
Hugs to you, Amanda.
I read this when you first posted it and then waited to comment until I was at a keyboard instead of my phone. Darn job and family are making it hard to get to commenting on other peoples' lives.
ReplyDeleteSo what were we talking about? Oh...priorities. I could copy your goal list almost verbatim, except that I don't stop to think like you do--like I should. The only one of those goals that wouldn't apply so much to me is about keeping running fun. Because I started from pretty much nowhere, I don't put the kind of pressure on myself that you tend to do. Everywhere else you mentioned, I'm lacking.
I know how you feel sister. It is hard to do "everything" let alone do it well, eh? I suppose most of the battle is knowing when things are a bit off kilter and reeling it back in. So good for you!!
ReplyDeletePS...Love the new header.
You hit the nail on the head. I feel so lost and cloudy it gives me anxiety at times. your post is what is going to make me hit my restart button...thanks for writing this...very helpful!
ReplyDelete