|Before my run. The girls were having a little pamper session with their dolls in the sunshine. Everyone in Portland was feeling the sunshine love today!|
I woke up this morning feeling kind of defeated. I was scared to run my 20 plus miles today and thought seriously about taking a third day off and maybe even a week. I was still exhausted and my ankle/heel was feeling just weird enough that I was so scared to do anything that might make it turn into a serious injury. I wrote one of my dear blog friends and told her that I felt like I didn't even want to finish out this training cycle. I seriously felt like quitting. For several reasons:
* Fear of injury that would keep me from enjoying running for the soul food that it is
* The time it would allow me to just be with my family and BREATHE without having to fit in my workouts that are getting increasingly harder
* The pressure I've been putting on myself to meet goals that I've set for myself
* I'm just TIRED!
Of course I would never quit. I wouldn't just throw in the towel. I know this. And I also know that I'm almost there. I only have 4 or 5 more weeks until my marathon and I'm just getting tired. This Matt Fitzgerald Plan is 24 weeks. This includes the base building stages and it gradually works up to serious training. But still, 24 weeks is a long time to have your eye on a goal!
I'm so thankful for my friendship with Jenn. I wake up almost every morning with an e-mail from her that makes me smile, laugh, learn something, be inspired, etc. I'm amazed that I've made such a dear friend through the blog world, e-mails, and text. I've never even talked to her in person but I feel like if I did, it would be as if I'd known her all along. Her e-mail to me this morning was just what I needed to read to get me over this hump and find my mojo again! Thanks Jenn. Here's part of her e-mail in response to my feelings of wanting to be DONE:
And this too shall pass. I promise! You're normal. 24 weeks is a VERY long training cycle-bound to have ups and downs. A lot of emotion this time around for you coming off an injury and racing 3 big races already. I could feel a REAL passion in you after your last race, a GREAT self-confidence!! It's still there FOR SURE-just buried a little this week:) Burnout is sometimes temporary-busy week, so many factors. I'm wondering if this half marathon and kind of thinking about whether you should make an actual race plan has just temporarily put you over the edge.....pressure from a self imposed "bar" that you now somehow need to meet. Maybe I'm WAY off base and I'm stepping out on a limb here...This I know- Pressure can lead to a lack of confidence. A lack of confidence can lead to a lack of desire..... Your Mojo will come back if you LET it, don't force it! You are one talented runner, Amanda. No doubt about that!! Thinking of you!
I think we can all learn or be inspired from Jenn's words because I know that I'm not alone in these struggles. She's right on all levels and she nailed it about my self imposed "bar" that I'm setting for myself. But, after my 20.5 miles for today, I'm feeling my confidence come back! Thanks Jenn!
Taping the Garmin
I ran a total of 20.5 miles today. My first 2.5 was with my daughter on our way home from the park. She rode her bike and I ran along side her. After that short run in the sunshine and 60ish degree weather, I was feeling pretty good and knew that I could do my long run. So, I came home, loaded some music on my ipod (I usually run without music most of the time), battled my urge to want to take a long long nap, filled up my water and I was out the door.
And I ran with Tape over my Garmin.
I ran by heart! This was AMAZING! I just ran my natural pace that felt like base for me and trusted myself to just run without worrying about time or splits or anything. I ran by feel for 18.13 miles and I'm convinced that I will be doing this again and again.
I'm proud of myself for several reasons here:
* My splits were overall very consistent...especially if you take the hills into account.
* The second half of my run was faster than the first. This is huge for me!
* I listened to my body and I stopped at 18 and walked the extra mile home so that I didn't push it too much today.
Here are my splits
Excited to have a week of enjoyable running where I listen to my body and embrace the art of BALANCE. I have a half-marathon on Sunday as a tune-up race and I am going to go into it with a goal to enjoy myself and run hard. No time goal. Just to run strong and have fun! This works for me.