Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Audience of One

Thankful for this book.  
For Today.
To write for just ME,
Vulnerable and Intimate.
A letter to just myself,
goals for only my eyes,
stories of my children,
tracings of their hands.
Feelings that are not meant to share.
Prayers of gratitude,
for things deep within myself and meant just for me.
To Grow. To Reflect. To Reread.  To Enjoy.
Writing just for Me, audience of one.

As I approach the one-year mark for Runninghood, it is pretty neat to look back over my journal entries, blog posts and pictures to see all that has happened in a year.  I've grown and learned a runner, mother, wife, friend, name it!  I've improved. Challenged myself.  Shared my spirit.  Been inspired. Set a million-and-one goals and held myself accountable, with you.  Blogging has been so rewarding and enriching....and Validating!  Sharing my journals, reflections, goals, motherhood moments, fears, and random ramblings has been like talking to good friends.  At times it has been scary to put my heart out there so write about things that are so personal...a vulnerable feeling.  But again and again, I am overwhelmed by the amazing responses that make me feel heard, understood, and appreciated.  Many many good things have come from blogging.  So many more good and beautiful benefits and opportunities than not.  In reflecting this morning, I realize that the only thing I do miss about pre-blogging days was the time I spent with just myself...writing for just me...the deep kind...the kind of writing that knows that there will be nobody reading except for me.  My quality writing time for, and with just ME has faded drastically and with this, I've lost touch with a parts of myself.  The deepest parts.  Writing in my personal journal this morning after a couple of months felt kind of like chatting with a friend rather than being on the deepest level with MYSELF.  I felt a little distant, awkward even.  Reminds me of how easy it is to get wrapped up in writing for an audience...even writing about writing in a journal...but then forgetting to really enjoy the process of "journaling to journal" and be with myself and God and not just journal with "sharing" in mind.  Anyway, it was nice to come to this realization today.  Nice to be back "Home" with my writing.  Nice to have it just for me.  

Happy Wednesday!  


  1. Hi there!
    been wanting to pop over and say hi. and how cool on all you've done with your blog in one year. that's remarkable.

    and I love how well you describe journaling/writing in this post. I sorta started on the opposite side: I began writing thru my blog and over the past ~six months I've channeled my writing into a more personal space of my own morning pages and writing.

    and how great they both are when in balance.

  2. I'm so glad you are doing this...after last night it sounded like you really needed to have some alone personal journal time. I admit, I sit here wondering "what could she possibly write that she hasn't shared?" you are so open with all of us, which is why we LOVE YOU. I admire your ability, as I said last night, to just be OPEN and honest. So humble that you can share what you feel are your weaknesses. I want to get there. I want to be confident enough in myself that I can share those parts of myself with the world. but not yet. I am learning. I hope you enjoy your audience of one this morning. You inspire me to try to get to know myself better.

  3. You are so good at constantly challenging yourself in all aspects of life. It's great to get back in touch with yourself through your journal. And happy blogiversary!

  4. I've got to get back into journaling. I miss writing privately about my dreams and my goals. I think I'll go get myself a beautiful, leather-bound journal this weekend.

    Thanks for the reminder.

  5. I seriously admire the way you are able to share your feelings/thoughts on your blog. Many people (myself included) have trouble even understanding and identifying their emotions. Writing about it takes an even deeper self-awareness.

  6. Beautifully written Amanada. Please keep writing for you but don't stop writing for me okay? Your words inspire all of us and you have a true talent for writing.

  7. I can always relate to your posts... always! I am not even a mother but somehow always find a connection.

    Reading this just made me crave some coffee time with just a pen and a journal. I need some of that in my life right about now.

    I have come to the conclusion (for the second time) that I most definitely can NOT run this race. I was feeling so high on positive energy that I thought a miracle might happen. But then I tried to run last night and was limping within a quarter mile and in tears. It's just not going to happen for me and I HAVE to move on. It's just so hard! In a way, I can't wait for Sunday to come and go because I want this race behind me.

    Sorry for the personal vent right there. Clearly I need some time with my journal.

    Have a fabulous rest of the week and weekend!

  8. I am happy you are finding a little time to reconnect with what feeds you most. I can identify with writing to an audience...
    I prefer to talk to myself rather than write, but writing keeps you from looking crazy! :)

  9. I really should start journaling again... It's so easy to just get caught up in all the craziness of life sometimes, that I think we forget to take a moment, reflect, and remember what we're thankful for, why our lives are so wonderful, and how grateful we should be.

  10. Thanks for sharing so much of your life and your thoughts with us the past year...almost.

  11. Really nice post. I don't journal but can see how writing just for yourself would be totally different than blogging. Knowing that present and future employers, my mom, sister, friends and pastor read my blog keeps me away from almost any controversy (which is why I blog about training and not politics, religion, work, or personal relationships). I also relate to one line in your post "Set a million-and-one goals and held myself accountable, with you" which I thought about recently as I stood hunched over next to the trail considering quitting something I blogged about for a few weeks. I kept going. Without my blog, I would have quit for sure.

  12. And happy Wednesday, now Thursday to you:-) And wow, I've known you a year! Your blog has surely been a blessing! Sounds like you had a wonderful morning reconnecting with yourself!!

  13. Beautifully written. It's great to have that personal space to write for yourself, but I for one am glad you're writing to share as well!

  14. congrats on the year, and seriously thinking about Journaling myself!

  15. This is so inspiring and I really appreciate it…having just started a blog less than a month ago! And on your previous post - CONGRATS! Boston is incredible and a goal of both me and my husband and is sitting next to me and first I showed him your pics of the acceptance and then I showed him the paragraph of you and your husband training together…I hope we follow in your footsteps :)

  16. Wow, interesting post and a great perspective. Sounds like you've got it right: share with others and receive inspiration, support, laughs, love of running and family, yet save a little for yourself.

    We must always remember that-especially in this day and age.

    Keep on sharing-either to us or just you!!