Period, Prick, Pissing on the Playground and Mommy Meltdowns. Calling all Mommy Mantras.

I would be lying something awful if I said that I was a getting an A+ in Mommyhood this week.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm getting a major FAIL of an F.  I can't tell you how many meltdowns and Mommy Tantrums I've thrown in reaction to my kids and their meltdowns and tantrums.  I may or may not have even thrown a few things across the room in the midst of my "Do as I say, Not as I do" moments. This morning's tantrum-toss happened to be a bottle of kid vitamins that didn't have the lid all the way on.  So then I was a mess of mommy sobs as I crawled across the floor with a runny nose and blurry eyes, picking up colorful gummy bears as my kids watched and learned how to throw a fit like a master.  


Why am I such a mess?  Honestly, it really doesn't have as much to do with the fact that the Boston Marathon is in four days, we leave in the wee hours on Saturday morning/Friday night, I have to pack for myself and three kids (who are going to the Grandparents') and myself, and still get kids to appointments and school activities.  This is nothing.  The thing that really has me in a mess is the fact that my almost three year old son has been nothing but AWFUL this week.  Granted, he has been sick, but OH MY GOODNESS!!!!  Maybe he has something going on that I can't see...like a little bug up his butt that keeps biting him? He is argumentative about 
every
SINGLE 
little 
THING.  


If I give him a bowl, he demands a plate (for soup).
If I give him a small spoon, he wants the biggest dang spoon I own.  
He finds a toy that requires teeny tiny batteries that we don't own and he WILL NOT believe that we DON'T HAVE BATTERIES.  So, he throws his little 2 year old weight around and lets out his 2 year old wail of a yell.  
I sat next to him for dinner last night and told him I loved him.  HOLY CRAP, you would have thought I told him he was getting a shot.  He screamed and screamed and screamed.  Then (yes, I know better people...really, I know the parenting tricks...I just don't always use them) I screamed and screamed and screamed.  We had a scream party.  


Okay, so here's the thing.  I know my child is 2/3.  He is a bit under the weather.  He is probably picking up on my stress or distance that comes from getting ready for a big trip and the race of my life.  Perhaps he even has an ear infection that I don't know of.  Poor little guy.  I love my son.  Dearly.  But it doesn't mean that it is easy to be around him this week.  Or really for the past, um, 6 months.  He's 2.  He's a boy.  He's redefined parenting for me.  


Prick
This week, the best thing that came to my mind when a preschool parent asked me how I was feeling today so close to the marathon was.  "Ah, I'm okay.  My chest is a little tight with stress because my son is being a little PRICK."  


Oh, the look on her face.  Her thoughts (most likely):  "Did this woman just call her son a prick?!!"  What she said with a small forced smile:  "Oh, you mean a little turd?"  
Me:  "Um, no, pretty sure I mean Prick"  


Okay, now where did the word prick come from anyway?  I rarely use it.  However, in looking at the definition of the word itself, I would surely say that my son's behavior has felt like a million little "pricks" with him being one. BIG. PRICK.  Good thing Pricks don't hurt for too long.  

prick/prik/

Verb:	Make a small hole in (something) with a sharp point; pierce slightly.
Noun:	An act of piercing something with a fine, sharp point.

Other Preschool Parenting Moments

That Period of a Storm...makes sense to me. 
Now, I'm pretty sure that most of the preschool parents like me.  However, I'm not quite sure that some of them know how to take my lack of verbal filter or weird thoughts that I find the overwhelming need to share with them.  Like the condom I found in my purse yesterday.  I could have just noticed it, wondered how it got there, laughed to myself and drove off.  But instead, I felt the need to yell across the parking lot at a fellow mom and share with her my funny find: "I always knew my purse was full of random junk.  Look what I found?  I mean maybe my husband put it there since we are taking off to Boston for a weekend away!"  She laughed and seemed to be fine with me.  


The parent from yesterday? Hmm, she surely didn't "get" me.  We had both just arrived late to preschool (typical for me).  I was actually all prepared to arrive ON TIME.  It wasn't raining, I was ahead of the morning routines, and I was so happy to be heading to the car. Just as I was stepping outside....the sky opened up...and it began to POUR like I have never seen.  A gush of water just flying out of the sky.  There was no way I was making my way to the car with two pokey kids in that storm.  I'd wait and be late, thank you.  The first metaphor that came to my mind was to see this rain storm as Portland getting her Period.  And since I'd just got mine (another reason for my meltdowns), it just made sense to think of this nasty downpour in the same way.  When I saw this parent at school, I half joked that I would have been on time if Portland hadn't decided to get her Period all at once.  Okay, yes, this doesn't make much sense and is really random.  Odd even.  However, this parent was NOT enjoying my metaphor AT ALL.  When I explained (which I always feel the need to do), she just smiled politely and told me to have a great day.  Oh, and I think she was one of the parents that heard me call my kid a prick today.  


Playground Pissing
I think I surely needed something at preschool to just top this week off.  And my son was there to represent!  Thanks Son.  We played on the playground for a bit after preschool today. At one point we all moved out of the fence to the grass to pick flowers and run around in the sunshine.  Just as I heard my friend Annie laughing so hard, there he was.  My little guy.  On the playground...just peeing as if it were an every day affair.  Lucky for me, there weren't a lot of people around.  Yep, there's that MOM again.  


Mommy Mantras
We have mantras for running.  You know, a phrase that gets us through the race and keeps us focused.  Well, I need some better mantras for motherhood.  Something to remind me to act like the adult and not the tantrum of a two year old.  So, please share your motherhood mantras.  Make one up.  Let's do this together and I'll post a Motherhood Mantra post. Let's see:

• Breathe Deep.  You're the Mother, not the kid.  
• Model, Model, Model
• What you do, they do. 
• Your tone will come back to you
• Act the way you want to be treated
• Eat some bread, not your kid

Misc.

• Thank you for your comments on my last post about Boston.  I'm super excited and feeling pretty good.  I went to see my chiropractor for some work on my hammy today.  It is really tight but he will work on it again tomorrow and I should be all set! I had a MP run yesterday and felt so strong.  My legs are back after my peak weeks!  Wahoo!  
• My Boston # is 10681 for those that asked.
• Super excited to be written about on the next Follow That Mother post at Another Mother Runner.  My twitter following just skyrocketed so now I need some lessons in twitter so I don't look like a big boob on there.  Really, I just don't get twitter yet..still prefer facebook. I'll get the hang of it.    

1.  Okay, tell me I'm not the only one that screams at my kids and has pathetically irrational tantrums.  Please.  Lie.  
2.  Tell me a Mommy Mantra for me to share on my next Mommy post!  Funny, serious, one that works, or one that will just make me think twice.  Make some up people.  We need some Mommy Mantras to get us through the tough days.  Just like with racing.  
  
Amanda