Soul Food, Emotions, NEVER take CIPRO, Non-Injuries and Some Goals and Gratitude!

Wildwood Trail in Forest Park.  My favorite place to run.  I think I spent more time snapping pictures than actually running.  Love my iPhone!  

I guess you could say that I have a few small "body annoyances" as of last week.  I won't call them injuries yet. That could be because I'm in major denial and I've been taken over by irrationally stupid avoidance issues.  Ha!  Or it could mean that I'm thinking like an optimist.  Whatever the reason...I refuse to use the "I" (injury) word in any real context right now.  A number of things could be going on:

• Not warming up properly last Tuesday before my 30 min at 7:00 pace on the TM caused me to snag/irritate/pull/tweak/whatever my right hammy.  Didn't feel it too badly until I attempted a track workout on Friday and realized that I couldn't run fast without pain.  After a semi-repressed cry, I went about my day and found myself (hours later and after jumping through many flaming 3-kid hoops) at the pool to do laps/pushups/ab work...you know, anything I could think of to replace some endorphins and stick it to the injury gods.  
• I'm also feeling some irritation in my achilles and the arch of my left foot.  What??  This has never happened to me before.  EVER.  Last night, I got to remembering that stupid nurse that prescribed me CIPRO for my kidney infection a few weeks ago.  There's a back story here that is too long to tell in detail but basically, several weeks ago I was very sick with a kidney infection and I spent hours in the urgent care on a Friday night only to be seen by a nurse practitioner who was crazy busy and spent 2 minutes with me before telling me to go pick up my prescription of CIPRO and go home.  Here's how I know she knew that I was not only an active person but a freaking marathon runner:  1. She commented on the fact that my back could be sore due to my marathon (um, No...it had been over a week or more).  2.  I was wearing my Boston Marathon shirt and explained that I was a marathon runner....it was in my records.  Now, I know that some of you intense athletes might think of marathon running as baby talk.  However, to the average person, I'm pretty sure that marathon running would fit in a category of VERY Active person.  right?   Any doctor/nurse practitioner (IMO) SHOULD know that CIPRO is NOT a drug that you would give a VERY active person.  In fact, I'm not sure why I didn't demand another drug right away when I heard the pharmacist say "Be sure to stop taking the drug immediately if your ACHILLES ruptures.  This is one of the side effects."  WHAT??!  I think I was so exhausted from my Friday night marathon urgent care waiting room expedition and a little foggy from a fever and infection that I didn't register the severity of what he said to me until 2 days later.  2 days of taking this crap! Not only was the medication making me sick and feel AWFUL (awful drug...don't take it unless you have to).  I did some research and found out that it is common knowledge in the medical field that you most likely would NOT give this antibiotic to a very active person...um, a marathon runner??  Runner's World had a couple links regarding this issue.  You can read them Here and Here.   These are only a couple of the many things out there warning runners against this nasty drug.  And even off of a couple days...this drug can cause long term problems with the Achilles tendons.  So, putting all hypochondriac-like behavior aside, I'm not ruling this possibility out considering I have NEVER had aching/bothersome/pain in my achilles before.  Lucky for me, I had a good friend have her doctor husband help me get a new antibiotic ASAP since the nurse with my insurance was no help in telling me that if I wanted a new prescription from them that I would have to come wait in urgent care again...Seriously?!  You already know that I have a kidney infection, 3 kids, and I'm in bed all day and you seriously need me to come in and sit for another 4 hours just so one of your medical staff can see my blue eyes and tell me that I should switch to ___________(name a good antibiotic for a VERY Active person with a kidney infection).  Come to find out from my regular doctor, who called me on Monday morning, I should have been able to have a doctor call me in a different drug.  I'm just a little angry.  Glad you all can see that I have an angry side and I'm not all about pooping rainbows and journaling butterflies all the time.  

This Girl NEEDED a Good Run!
Yesterday, I had rolled out of bed before my kids woke up and I found myself pulled towards my journal...you know, the journal that I used to write in daily but that now had a thin layer of dust settling on it.  As I flipped through the pages, it was somewhat like reading someone else's words...the lists of goals, gratitude, and memories...things I had almost forgotten about.  When I went to write for just me (not on a blog or e-mail), I felt so out of touch.  My head seemed foggy when it came to listing some clear goals I have for my life right now.  Usually, I am so in-tune with myself...my feelings come easily and I almost always have clear goals that drive my life. Goal Driven. Focused.  Intentional. These are words that I'd usually use to describe me.  (Yes, emotional and irrational at times too.)  However, when I went looking for those goals and clear guidelines for my life,  my feelings were mixed and my goals were all glopped together with nothing standing out.  I very much needed to clear my heart, be alone, and open myself up to truly LISTENING.

So, even though I knew I couldn't get in a decently paced run yesterday, I did KNOW that if I could, I NEEDED a run close to the double digits if my body would allow.  No matter how slow it was.  I needed it for many reasons.  I sent my husband and kids off to a more "traditional" church and I escaped to the forest to be alone with myself, God, my thoughts, and some amazing LIFE energy.

With my left foot all taped up and my right hamstring wrapped, I only felt a little like I was being held together by a glue stick.  But I knew that if I took it easy, I'd be okay. This run would be an opportunity to be still with my thoughts, meditate on the life surrounding me, pray,  and clear my head.  It can be really  hard for me to shut my racing thoughts off sometimes but being in the forest almost always helps with this. Yesterday was no exception.  It didn't take long to feel wrapped up in the most incredible living energy...a peace washing over me.  My body relaxed, my mind cleared, and I settled into my almost 10 mile run.

I'm not saying that I came back with an entirely clear picture of what my goals are.  But I do have a clearer head about everything.  And I do feel at peace with the possibility that I might need to step back from intense running for awhile if my body continues to struggle.  I'm going to take life as it comes.  Things happen. And we almost always benefit from these things in the long run in life.  I'm not going to lie, feeling my body struggle and not feel strong right now definitely makes me sad. Feeling my achilles ache makes me ANGRY and want answers from that nurse practitioner that so obviously acknowledged that I was a marathon runner and still prescribed such a non-appropriate drug with some awful side effects that can cause life-long problems for people.

Crying is sure to be a part of my day at least once lately when just four weeks ago, I can remember telling my husband that I don't even remember the last time I cried.

The best thing I can think of in moving on here with a positive outlook and a happy spirit is to focus on goals and gratitude.  This always helps give me some focus.  Long term goals are WAY FOGGY still but I can keep it small and start with goals for the right now.

Gratitude List:

• Hood to Coast this weekend!  
• I get to be on the Nuun Morning Team.  I've never been on a sponsored team before.  Hope I can perform physically.  If not, I promise to bring my Amanda spirit with a smile on my face.  
• I have the next two days with my kids before I leave for the Nuun headquarters in Seattle and am gone until Sunday after the relay.  
• An opportunity to make the most out of these next two days of summer...prime time to create some really magical memories for my kids.
• Good friends.  Always thankful for this.  
• A patient, wise, loving coach that has become a very dear person to me.  I've learned a lot about patience, listening, and trusting.  Even if I stop training seriously for anything, I hope he's part of my life for the long stretch.  
• Coffee
• Crying
• The ability to express myself in words (even if I feel really bad at this right now...I know it is there somewhere)
• My Achilles isn't ruptured
• Hope
• The forest
• Trail runs
• Hearing a very clear message on my run yesterday when I prayed and asked for something.  It was a pretty powerful experience.  Might write about it someday for others in detail (or not).  It involved my kids, loving them, and realizing that I've been dwelling too much on all the ways that I wished I would have been loved and forgetting to realize just what a gift I have in being able to LOVE my kids in that way that I always craved.  My dream of being a MOM is right in front of my freaking face and somehow, lately, I've been looking past it.  Everything I need regarding love is right here!  Three bright, beautiful, children that are mine to LOVE the heck out of.  I get to love them, believe in them, guide them, help them figure this crazy wonderful world out and discover/nurture their gifts.  Wow, do things get much better than this as far as gifts go?!  I can't believe I can get so caught up in my own head/life and moving through the motions so that I don't see this motherhood thing as I should.  I mean, Holy Moly...all my dreams have come true regarding this part of my life....glad I snapped out of THAT fog.  

Some Short-Term Goals:

• Make the most out of the last few days of summer before school starts.  I have 2 days this week and 4 next week.  So many memories to be made.
• Practice patience and presence with my kids.  This can be hard when they fight and whine so much.  
• Run the best I can for Hood to Coast while still caring for my body.  If that means some slower running then that's what it will be.  I only have one body here.  
• Enjoy meeting new people and building new friendships this week. What a great experience...certain that my extrovert side will make its way out by then. 
• Allowing myself to cry and live with feelings as they come without burying things because they seem silly and small.  Validation.  
• Anger.  I haven't felt anger in a long time and really, I'm not a big fan of the emotion.  It can, however, be beneficial sometimes. So if I'm going to have a bit of this thing called anger then I'm hoping I can use it for something good and then get rid of the nasty emotion.  It really is toxic.  My theory:  1.  acknowledge it.  2.  Work through it/Use it 3.  Get rid of it and move on

Amanda 
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