Monday, August 20, 2012

Soul Food, Emotions, NEVER take CIPRO, Non-Injuries and Some Goals and Gratitude!

Wildwood Trail in Forest Park.  My favorite place to run.  I think I spent more time snapping pictures than actually running.  Love my iPhone!  

I guess you could say that I have a few small "body annoyances" as of last week.  I won't call them injuries yet. That could be because I'm in major denial and I've been taken over by irrationally stupid avoidance issues.  Ha!  Or it could mean that I'm thinking like an optimist.  Whatever the reason...I refuse to use the "I" (injury) word in any real context right now.  A number of things could be going on:

  • Not warming up properly last Tuesday before my 30 min at 7:00 pace on the TM caused me to snag/irritate/pull/tweak/whatever my right hammy.  Didn't feel it too badly until I attempted a track workout on Friday and realized that I couldn't run fast without pain.  After a semi-repressed cry, I went about my day and found myself (hours later and after jumping through many flaming 3-kid hoops) at the pool to do laps/pushups/ab know, anything I could think of to replace some endorphins and stick it to the injury gods.  
  • I'm also feeling some irritation in my achilles and the arch of my left foot.  What??  This has never happened to me before.  EVER.  Last night, I got to remembering that stupid nurse that prescribed me CIPRO for my kidney infection a few weeks ago.  There's a back story here that is too long to tell in detail but basically, several weeks ago I was very sick with a kidney infection and I spent hours in the urgent care on a Friday night only to be seen by a nurse practitioner who was crazy busy and spent 2 minutes with me before telling me to go pick up my prescription of CIPRO and go home.  Here's how I know she knew that I was not only an active person but a freaking marathon runner:  1. She commented on the fact that my back could be sore due to my marathon (um, had been over a week or more).  2.  I was wearing my Boston Marathon shirt and explained that I was a marathon was in my records.  Now, I know that some of you intense athletes might think of marathon running as baby talk.  However, to the average person, I'm pretty sure that marathon running would fit in a category of VERY Active person.  right?   Any doctor/nurse practitioner (IMO) SHOULD know that CIPRO is NOT a drug that you would give a VERY active person.  In fact, I'm not sure why I didn't demand another drug right away when I heard the pharmacist say "Be sure to stop taking the drug immediately if your ACHILLES ruptures.  This is one of the side effects."  WHAT??!  I think I was so exhausted from my Friday night marathon urgent care waiting room expedition and a little foggy from a fever and infection that I didn't register the severity of what he said to me until 2 days later.  2 days of taking this crap! Not only was the medication making me sick and feel AWFUL (awful drug...don't take it unless you have to).  I did some research and found out that it is common knowledge in the medical field that you most likely would NOT give this antibiotic to a very active, a marathon runner??  Runner's World had a couple links regarding this issue.  You can read them Here and Here.   These are only a couple of the many things out there warning runners against this nasty drug.  And even off of a couple days...this drug can cause long term problems with the Achilles tendons.  So, putting all hypochondriac-like behavior aside, I'm not ruling this possibility out considering I have NEVER had aching/bothersome/pain in my achilles before.  Lucky for me, I had a good friend have her doctor husband help me get a new antibiotic ASAP since the nurse with my insurance was no help in telling me that if I wanted a new prescription from them that I would have to come wait in urgent care again...Seriously?!  You already know that I have a kidney infection, 3 kids, and I'm in bed all day and you seriously need me to come in and sit for another 4 hours just so one of your medical staff can see my blue eyes and tell me that I should switch to ___________(name a good antibiotic for a VERY Active person with a kidney infection).  Come to find out from my regular doctor, who called me on Monday morning, I should have been able to have a doctor call me in a different drug.  I'm just a little angry.  Glad you all can see that I have an angry side and I'm not all about pooping rainbows and journaling butterflies all the time.  

This Girl NEEDED a Good Run!
Yesterday, I had rolled out of bed before my kids woke up and I found myself pulled towards my know, the journal that I used to write in daily but that now had a thin layer of dust settling on it.  As I flipped through the pages, it was somewhat like reading someone else's words...the lists of goals, gratitude, and memories...things I had almost forgotten about.  When I went to write for just me (not on a blog or e-mail), I felt so out of touch.  My head seemed foggy when it came to listing some clear goals I have for my life right now.  Usually, I am so in-tune with feelings come easily and I almost always have clear goals that drive my life. Goal Driven. Focused.  Intentional. These are words that I'd usually use to describe me.  (Yes, emotional and irrational at times too.)  However, when I went looking for those goals and clear guidelines for my life,  my feelings were mixed and my goals were all glopped together with nothing standing out.  I very much needed to clear my heart, be alone, and open myself up to truly LISTENING.

So, even though I knew I couldn't get in a decently paced run yesterday, I did KNOW that if I could, I NEEDED a run close to the double digits if my body would allow.  No matter how slow it was.  I needed it for many reasons.  I sent my husband and kids off to a more "traditional" church and I escaped to the forest to be alone with myself, God, my thoughts, and some amazing LIFE energy.

With my left foot all taped up and my right hamstring wrapped, I only felt a little like I was being held together by a glue stick.  But I knew that if I took it easy, I'd be okay. This run would be an opportunity to be still with my thoughts, meditate on the life surrounding me, pray,  and clear my head.  It can be really  hard for me to shut my racing thoughts off sometimes but being in the forest almost always helps with this. Yesterday was no exception.  It didn't take long to feel wrapped up in the most incredible living energy...a peace washing over me.  My body relaxed, my mind cleared, and I settled into my almost 10 mile run.

I'm not saying that I came back with an entirely clear picture of what my goals are.  But I do have a clearer head about everything.  And I do feel at peace with the possibility that I might need to step back from intense running for awhile if my body continues to struggle.  I'm going to take life as it comes.  Things happen. And we almost always benefit from these things in the long run in life.  I'm not going to lie, feeling my body struggle and not feel strong right now definitely makes me sad. Feeling my achilles ache makes me ANGRY and want answers from that nurse practitioner that so obviously acknowledged that I was a marathon runner and still prescribed such a non-appropriate drug with some awful side effects that can cause life-long problems for people.

Crying is sure to be a part of my day at least once lately when just four weeks ago, I can remember telling my husband that I don't even remember the last time I cried.

The best thing I can think of in moving on here with a positive outlook and a happy spirit is to focus on goals and gratitude.  This always helps give me some focus.  Long term goals are WAY FOGGY still but I can keep it small and start with goals for the right now.

Gratitude List:

  • Hood to Coast this weekend!  
  • I get to be on the Nuun Morning Team.  I've never been on a sponsored team before.  Hope I can perform physically.  If not, I promise to bring my Amanda spirit with a smile on my face.  
  • I have the next two days with my kids before I leave for the Nuun headquarters in Seattle and am gone until Sunday after the relay.  
  • An opportunity to make the most out of these next two days of time to create some really magical memories for my kids.
  • Good friends.  Always thankful for this.  
  • A patient, wise, loving coach that has become a very dear person to me.  I've learned a lot about patience, listening, and trusting.  Even if I stop training seriously for anything, I hope he's part of my life for the long stretch.  
  • Coffee
  • Crying
  • The ability to express myself in words (even if I feel really bad at this right now...I know it is there somewhere)
  • My Achilles isn't ruptured
  • Hope
  • The forest
  • Trail runs
  • Hearing a very clear message on my run yesterday when I prayed and asked for something.  It was a pretty powerful experience.  Might write about it someday for others in detail (or not).  It involved my kids, loving them, and realizing that I've been dwelling too much on all the ways that I wished I would have been loved and forgetting to realize just what a gift I have in being able to LOVE my kids in that way that I always craved.  My dream of being a MOM is right in front of my freaking face and somehow, lately, I've been looking past it.  Everything I need regarding love is right here!  Three bright, beautiful, children that are mine to LOVE the heck out of.  I get to love them, believe in them, guide them, help them figure this crazy wonderful world out and discover/nurture their gifts.  Wow, do things get much better than this as far as gifts go?!  I can't believe I can get so caught up in my own head/life and moving through the motions so that I don't see this motherhood thing as I should.  I mean, Holy Moly...all my dreams have come true regarding this part of my life....glad I snapped out of THAT fog.  

Some Short-Term Goals:

  • Make the most out of the last few days of summer before school starts.  I have 2 days this week and 4 next week.  So many memories to be made.
  • Practice patience and presence with my kids.  This can be hard when they fight and whine so much.  
  • Run the best I can for Hood to Coast while still caring for my body.  If that means some slower running then that's what it will be.  I only have one body here.  
  • Enjoy meeting new people and building new friendships this week. What a great experience...certain that my extrovert side will make its way out by then. 
  • Allowing myself to cry and live with feelings as they come without burying things because they seem silly and small.  Validation.  
  • Anger.  I haven't felt anger in a long time and really, I'm not a big fan of the emotion.  It can, however, be beneficial sometimes. So if I'm going to have a bit of this thing called anger then I'm hoping I can use it for something good and then get rid of the nasty emotion.  It really is toxic.  My theory:  1.  acknowledge it.  2.  Work through it/Use it 3.  Get rid of it and move on

Follow Runninghood on Facebook or Twitter


  1. Love this post, Amanda!

    First, I hope the achilles thing is all in your head. Not to say you are a hypochondriac but maybe just thinking it is the Cipro is messing with your head. I hope it all goes away just as quickly as it arrived!

    Second, I feel the exact same way about running in Forest Park. There is something about running on those trails that leaves me with more energy, excitement, enthusiasm and optimism than I thought possible. I am filled with gratitude after a run in Forest Park. I'm so happy you had a much-needed, head-clearing run there last weekend.

    Lastly, from everything I have read about you, I know you are an amazing mom and your kids must feel SO LOVED by you every second of the day! I liked your comment about practicing patience and presence with your kids. If I really am good about being present with them, then I find much of the fighting and whining disappears. I think my problem is that I am not present enough and that is what causes the fighting. :( Clearly it is something I need to work on...

    Hope you have a great week in preparation for HTC!

  2. Love you. So glad you got answers to your prayers. I'm hearing nothing lately. And my emotion is becoming very toxic.

  3. Seriously amazing pictures Amanda! Wow just stunning. Okay about the injuries I am totally freaking out. My right hamstring and left achilles have been driving me crazy. Never had achilles pain in my life but could barely make it through my run today because of the strain in my achilles. Our bodies are so incredibly weird sometimes. I really hope you can pull through this and end up on top. Injury or not I know that you will! Have a great week.

  4. Love your gratitude list! That trial looks like heaven! And half the doctors you see are morons. I hate to say it but I'm a nurse. I don't trust a single one!!!

  5. Thank you for sharing what you learned about Cipro! I kinda want to call all my running buddies, now, to make everyone aware.
    Anger, if dealt with properly, isn't unhealthy. Even GOD gets angry. (You don't plan to flood any majorly incorporated areas, right?)
    Hope your relay is amazing in every way. :)

  6. I like anger. I think anger is good. I think women turn the anger inwards often so it becomes guilt. But anger is empowering while guilt is...not. So yes, feel the anger and the adrenaline that it brings:)

    I think your body will be OK. You are taking it easy, which is good. And Ray is there guiding you along. You will have fun at Hood to Coast, no matter what pace you will run. And those in your van will be in for a treat:)

    Love, love this: "I have an angry side and I'm not all about pooping rainbows and journaling butterflies all the time".

    Yes, you made a great life for yourself A, really great. You put a lot of thought into it. Family is where it's at! Everyone is striving because you provide the glue:)

    OK, much more to say but back to work:)

  7. Love the beautiful and peaceful pictures. Insurance companies are sp MESSED UP! Crappy deal on the Cipro, I am trying to remember if I have taken it in the last couple years, I hope not!

    What time does your HTC team start? Good luck and have fun!

  8. This post is lovely and so are you. I cannot wait to meet you Amanda!!!!

  9. Love this post! Sure do hope your body nagging issues clear up. You are going to have so much fun at Hood to Coast. I just finished a relay weekend. Life Changing! I really like how you said "Anger...Get rid of it and move on." I think this will be my mantra for the week. Thanks and take care!

  10. All of those heavy duty antibiotics are soooo bad for active people...especially us runners! I was on something very similar to Cipro last year after an infected cat bite and within a day, I started feeling the effects in my joints and tendons. It's poison for sure!

  11. Really excited to spend concentrated time with you this weekend :)

  12. I am excited to hear about your HTC adventures. I love living through you right now. Run a few miles and then have a beer for me :-)

  13. I've had a kidney infection and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! That stinks that the np wasn't more aware of what she was prescribing. I hope your hammy/Achilles pains heal for you to have an awesome relay!

  14. Sorry to hear about your "injuries." Hope you get that all figured out. Thank you for taking the time to blog. Your blog inspires me and I'm amazed that what you put into words often reflects how I am feeling myself.

  15. It's wonderful how getting out into nature can just defuse all the angst of living. I'm so glad you got your time away to reconnect and have your aaah moment. I'm cross with that silly irresponsible nurse. Life's tough enough without having to worry about possible side-effects.

  16. Wow girl, so much going on in your "short" post :). Ah, you know I like to tease you. I have been on Cipro a few times and have not had any side-effects with running....but I can't go out in the sun when I'm on it, it makes me dizzy. Just keep a check on the Achilles just in case it's NOT the Cipro - you wan to nip that in the bud quickly! That's how my 2-year foot fiasco started - with the Achilles.

    Glad you're feeling better and HTC is going to be a huge party - have fun!! :)

    1. Did u take the cipro before after or during the time when your foot fiasco started with your Achilles? Interesting topic. I don't think this is my issue since I didn't take it least I hope this isn't the case. :)

      Yes I know you are teasing..especially since your posts are do "short". :)

      Suggestions for stretches I should be doing? My foot is wrapped and I've been trying to stretch my calves.

    2. Thanks for the response via e-mail. :)

  17. As a marathoner AND a nurse practitioner, I'm going to call you on your comments about the Cipro. I understand your anger at the possibility of being prescribed a drug that may have affected your running. Recently, I was diagnosed with Lyme disease and had to argue with my doctor about which antibiotic I should take. I knew enough not to take the one she initially wanted to prescribe, because of the side effects. Having said that, the onus was on me to take control of my health, not her. Even though you are not a medical professional, you need to do your homework or ask pointed questions of any healthcare provider regarding medications that you are prescribed. Being a marathoner is NOT something the average, everyday person does , less than 0.1% of the population has run one. Most people think us marathoners are crazy! So please, please, please don't blame the nurse practitioner for any issues you are experiencing. Only you are responsible for your health. As an athlete, you should know this.

    1. First off, I am sorry to hear that you have Lyme disease. I'm so glad you have the knowledge of medicine to be such a great advocate for yourself. I don't have a lot of time here so I will be back but I agree with you and disagree with you here. I'm shocked that as a nurse you would say that "only you are responsible for your health". Are you kidding me? This is like me as a teacher telling the parents and students that Only they are responsible for their education!! This is your job..your field. Why YOU went to make educated decisions about the HEALTH of your patients. I will most likely refrain from most of what I want to say regarding this but I will wait so as to not speak out of anger. But this really makes me upset to hear a nurse say this. YES, I AM the main person responsible for my health and this reason is the number one reason why I DID do my research and quit the drug that I was prescribed to take for 7 days after only 2 days. I DID take responsibility for my health. And I requested another drug...this...being an advocate for my health was QUITE the process when it came to standing up for myself regarding this. My options were to quit entirely and risk the kidney infection getting worse or getting other drugs ASAP (which I DID). However, this nurse practitioner should have known better...she should have done HER research thank you. During the two minutes she saw me, the part that DID come up was how many miles I run a active I was her responsibility to make the decision on what drug to prescribe HER matter how busy she was. And it was my responsibility to give feedback and do my research as well but being a patient with a fever and kidney infection at midnight after waiting for 4, this doesn't give me much time to sit down and do my research BEFORE my first dose. Even after talking to my doctor on Monday, he agreed with me that he would knew better about this drug. As did every person I spoke with afterwards when I filed a complaint. This was negligent in my opinion. You, being a nurse practitioner, had the knowledge to argue with your doctor about your meds and sounds like you had time to do so. Luckily, I'm an educated person who was able to do my research as well but I didn't have much time to argue that as I was being pushed out the door to the pharmacist so the nurse could get to the next patient after seeing me long enough to tell me what drug to take and go home. Yes, we need to take control of our health. WE need to ask questions. But "ONly you are responsible for your health"? This bothers me greatly. Just as I tell my parents of my students..."YOU ARE YOUR Child's BEST ADVOCATE"....Not their ONLY advocate...I care enough about my job, my profession and my students to make myself responsible for their education as well as the parents. It is a partnership. Every nurse or doctor in my opinion should know better than to give a VERY active person who so obviously partakes in a HIGH volume of running a drug like Cipro. I know this now. I didn't then. Thank God I DID question this. If not, I could have been affected for the rest of my life. With that said, I'm sure this nurse meant well...I'm sure she is a good person. I'm sure she regrets this decision after having complaints filed. I hope she learned and grew from it. As a professional who is passionate about their profession, I would take this and grow from it and be better for it. And I'm always thankful for people that allow their voice to be heard. I hope she heard me. This is serious stuff.

    2. Sorry for so many typos. I wrote this very quickly. Not only do I think that every nurse and doctor who is prescribing drugs to patients should know about Cipro and how its possible side effects but they should also be responsible enough to tell the patient about these side effects....this is not just the pharmacist's responsibility.

    3. You are right, Docs/NPs should know and take the time to tell patients about serious side effects. I do that and get dinged for taking too much time with my patients. Please try to put yourself in the healthcare provider's shoes--there is an enormous push to see more and more patients with less time. I'm not making excuses, I'm just saying that most of us are doing the best we can. Cipro is a good drug, with some bad side effects. Prescribing it was not irresponsible, but not educating you on the side effects was.

      And I will stand by my belief that yes indeed, you alone are responsible for your health. Ask questions when you are prescribed a medication. You are your own best advocate.

    4. One other thing...with the development of all these urgent care clinics, those of us who work in practices/offices are seeing more and more of incidents similar to yours..where a patient goes to one of these clinics for a problem and the provider doesn't know you or your health history at all. In that brief 5-10 minute encounter, it is impossible for that provider to get the big picture of your health. That is why it is so important to have a "medical home", a provider who knows you and your health history. I'm glad you did the right thing and followed up with your doctor.

      Personally, I don't think those NPs in the urgent care clinics are doing my profession any favors. I'm so sorry you had a bad experience. Please don't think badly of all of us.

  18. My husband had diverticulitis 4 summers ago and was put on Cipro. I did not know about the achilles issues until AFTER he ruptured his achilles 6 weeks later. There is nothing good about Cipro and we have many other drugs out there that doctors/np's should be and are educated about. While I agree that we are our best advocate it is the md's/np's responsibility to look at the whole picture. If I am sick and have been in the ER for 4 hours I am going to take the RX that they give me. I just want to feel better. So....shame on her.
    I hope that you have fun this weekend. It sounds like you need a little crazy running time! xoxoxoxo!!

  19. Nice photos! I love taking trail pics too.

  20. Wilwood trails? No way! Check out my latest post I just came back from PDX. I didn't know you live in the area.