Purely Processing

Blowing off the dust of this blog again. At least today.  It might be another couple of months before I post again. There is something quite calming and therapeutic about writing  on this blog at the times when my head and heart are full.  A different kind of processing for me than if I just write in my journal or in email.  It's like I'm talking to myself but yet still feel like I'm being heard in some way.  In a human connection sort of way.  For awhile I think I got stuck in a trap of filtering too much of my posts or thinking I needed to stick to a concise topic. I forgot:

1. This blog is for fun and for personal expression.  

2.  I can write about whatever I want and it doesn't matter if anyone reads it. 

3. Part of this blog is about processing my life as it comes. 

So, random bullet post for me.  Because, well, that's what today calls for.  

• Boston Marathon has been going quite well.  I can't say enough about how much I respect and value the plans that have been written for me.  Smart and tailored to me in such perfect ways. Thankful for a smart coach. 
• This training cycle has been different than any other with my mindset, goals, and just the overall place where running fits in my life.  
• Parenting continues to be full of challenges as well as moments that bring me more joy, love and pride than I ever imagined.  It is HARD WORK.  But wonderful work.  
• I continue to be amazed by the human spirit: resilience, forgiveness, acceptance, ability to love, and our limitless potential to grow and change in new ways.  We are never too old to learn, be humbled or see things from new perspectives.  
• So true that the basic human need is LOVE.  To Love and Be Loved.  
• Patterns of behavior that we learn growing up can be some of the hardest to change in order to not continue the cycle through the next generations.  
• Things we feel the most hurt and anger from in regards to the people we love are often things we do ourselves even if we aren't aware of it.  It takes really being able to step back and look at ourselves and ask why something affects us the way it does.
• It takes conscious work to change patterns and learned behaviors that were harmful so that our kids and their kids have different relationships with us and each other than we had. 
• If we want lasting, loving, attentive and close knit relationships with our kids and grandkids someday, we need to start NOW with letting them know that this of value.  By taking the time to build those meaningful relationships and special times together, we are setting the stage for years to come.  And it's important for them to see us valuing communication and making family a priority (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) if we want them to grow up doing the same.  These things are learned.  This can be hard if it wasn't modeled for us. But we have the power to break the generational cycle. 
• I spent the first 3 miles of my easy 5 mile run today beating myself up with all of the things I'm not doing right or that I've messed up with the last day, year, month...all the ways I feel like I'm failing or not measuring up.  Then the next 2  miles were reminding myself that this kind of self-talk gets us NOWHERE!  It's one thing to recognize our flaws and then lovingly tell ourselves to just try better next time now that we are aware of things.  It's an entirely different thing to hold ourselves to an impossible level of standards that we will break ourselves trying to measure up to.  This is a constant lesson for me:  Focus on the things you are doing right. Celebrate and be gentle on yourself when it comes to working on the things you want to improve on. And then treat the people you love in the same way: With Grace and Love.  Perfection is impossible for anyone.  
• Guilt and Shame lead to more Guilt and Shame.  Grace and Love leads to more Grace and Love.  For ourselves, our children, and all of those closest to us.  
• We never stop learning. This is awesome!  And exciting.    
• A heart of gratitude goes a long way to creating a happy life. 

Thankful for:

• Hearing the birds sing this morning...a reminder of spring being near.  Such a wonderful season.  
• Running.  It is such an incredible gift.  It has added so much to my life: energy, drive, healing, clarity, beauty...Running leads me to more and more life.  Always.  
• The Boston Marathon is in less than 7 weeks.  This will be a very special one for many reasons and I'm honored to be a part of it.  The whole family is going this year.  
• Time to process today.  
• Living here in Western North Carolina.  I love it here.  
• New opportunities with sports that just started for my kids.  One especially exciting step for my oldest daughter that has me beaming with pride and happiness for her.  Fun to watch her chase dreams from her dream list that she has.  
• Clarity and seeing how the past few years have unfolded in such purposeful ways.  
• New insights that make life that much more beautiful! 
• Life is in a really great place right now.  So many things to look forward to and to enjoy right now.  It is busy but happy.
• TODAY

Amanda

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