Letter From My Body and "Letting GO" for REAL

This morning I woke up with a conversation going on in my head.  It was more like what it would sound like if my body were to write me a letter. That letter might sound something like this:

Dear Amanda,

Okay, it's time we have a heart-to-heart here.  You've always been such a good listener.  I've loved the way you've stopped to think and really hear me when I talk to you.  But this time, I'm not quite sure what's going on with you.  I feel rather neglected, and out of respect for myself (and you), I'm going to be quite clear here since my other more subtle hints are apparently not working.  

I NEED REST!  I need for you to STOP Running for a bit.  I NEED a BREAK here sweet Amanda.  Yes, those hints I've been giving you are not just in your head. Let's go over just a few of the messages I've sent you lately:

• Overly tired
• Can't run for several days on end without then having your runs be awkward and just OFF.  
• Trying to run after your long runs or harder workouts and finding yourself with a limp and feeling like I'm (um, your body) is all jacked up (that's because I AM). 
• Left leg weak, exhausted and many times hurting over the last 6 or so weeks of your Napa Training.  
• Weight Gain (probably from stress and perhaps just from ME (your body) not knowing what to do with you.  Might as well hold on to something if you're going to insist on tearing me down everywhere else, right?   

Oh, and if all the signs above that show I need a break aren't sinking in, I think you had a very clear sign when you got our ferritin levels checked and it was at a level:  10!  

These things are NOT just in your head like you've been trying to convince yourself.  They are REAL! 

Come on girl!  What are you holding on to exactly??  That sub 3:20 marathon that you know you have in you? All the work you've put in the last 18 weeks?  What?!  If you are truly going to try to run Boston for "Fun" and make it an easy run then here's the thing:

• You don't need to be getting in all of these workouts.  I (your body) promise you that I (if healthy) can make that distance of 26.2 without much more training.  Promise.  Even if you took the next two weeks off with maybe one or two light workouts.  
• I just might agree to hold out for you until then IF and only IF you agree to take at least a good month off after Boston is over.  Promise???!! 

And just because it doesn't seem to be sinking in, I might make this clear to you too:

There is a reason why WE feel so good after a few days of complete rest (see last post).  It isn't because your iron is all of a sudden at a decent level (although this has something to do with it) and you're ready to be superwoman and run like a crazy lady.  It MEANS that you NEEDED REST!!  And I responded to it.  But that doesn't mean that you should stop that rest just because you're feeling perky after a few days of it.  PLEASE listen to me.  If you want me to hold up until I'm long into my 80's and even 90's then please take care of me now. 

 You had a hard 18 weeks of training and then to top that off you have been:

• planning a move across the country (packing, finding homes, researching schools)
• being a mom to 3 very energetic kids
• making sure you and your family have proper closure to the act of moving out of your home, leaving friends, and transitioning
• planning going away parties, birthday parties, and final activities before leaving
• running through injury...don't even try to call it something else anymore...screw this "oh it's just a little niggle!"  I mean, what's a niggle anyway?  A niggle doesn't usually last 6 weeks. Or maybe it does but in my book, a niggle means to back off a bit.  Hello! You spent most of your training taped with KTTape in 2 to 3 different places and wearing compression tights on every run.  And even then feeling torn down and depleted.  

 I'll make a deal with you Amanda.  I'll be willing to THINK about performing "just enough" at Boston.  Maybe.  That's 2 weeks away.  I'll put up with your crazy nonsense until then on a much lower scale...I mean cut the workouts you have in your plan and go into some active recovery mode...you DON'T need all of that if you are truly just going to "Run" Boston and not race it.  Be honest with yourself.  Let it go.  Yes, I know, this is the HARD part.  Letting GO.  You had a bad race at Napa.  But there will be other races IF you take care of yourself now.  So, don't just say you're letting Boston go.  The act of saying it isn't enough if you haven't truly let it go in our HEART.  Got it?  Saying and Doing are very different things. And until now, you really haven't let anything go.  You've just pushed through and told yourself what you needed to. 

So, about that 18 miler you have on your calendar today..... Hmmm, let's really think long and hard about this one.  Yesterday when you tried to run even a few back and forths on the road so your husband could see your stride, I was very clear in my messages to you that I'm not working so well.  Um, that limp?  Can that possibly be good to run on for 18 miles???!  You're more than likely to do some more damage from that.  In fact, there's no doubt that you're doing MORE damage.  If it takes you a good 2 miles to "warm-up" and feel "normal" when your current normal is still quite different from what you remember what normal feels like over a year ago, then something isn't right!  Who cares if you're hitting an easy 8:06ish pace naturally once you start going.  Who cares that you nailed your 800s the other day even though your body still felt "off".  Seriously, if you're doing that when you feel the way you do, you're :

A. capable of much more when you are healthy (you know this anyway)

B. most likely tearing your body down more and more so that your chances of having some good PRs ahead of you someday are slowly fading. 

Thanks for listening to me.   

Lots of Love,

Your Body

After writing this above "letter from my body", I had a good conversation with my coach.  I told him all of the things that I realized.  His response was something to the tune of being proud of me for coming to these realizations myself.  He has been feeling the same way (in fact, he doesn't even think I should run Boston for fun) but wanted me to come to these lessons on my own.  As far as not running Boston at all goes...I'm not ready to make that decision.  Here's my plan for the next 2 weeks:

• Active recovery:  walking/stretching/yoga/rest/light jogging
• Eating right
• Good Sleep
• Continue taking IRON and Multivitamin
• Daily journaling of gratitude and goals.  This is really good for me in staying focused.
• Working on really taking things one day at a time and focusing on being in the present moment as we adjust to this new and wonderful place to live.  
• Truly embracing where I am at.  Right. Now.  Today my body is screaming at me to REST and get things figured out.  Can I run?  Yes.  Can I run fast? Sure.  But am I recovering normally or am I left feeling injured and off after harder runs?  Well, most of the time over the last many weeks, I'm feeling injured.  This is such a clear warning to me that I need to...BACK OFF.  
• Consider scraping Boston Marathon and just enjoying the trip to Boston, one of my favorite cities.  It really would be fun just to watch the race, see the elites finish, cheer on so many of my friends who are running, and just enjoy the Boston experience from another perspective.  
• Finding other ways to get my heart rate up and move my body without running.  Hard without a gym right now BUT my husband has an Insanity workout that he does that looks like it could be modified for me.  

I admit, it was a little emotional for me this morning when I came to the point of admitting to myself that I'm really not healthy.  Admitting that my body just isn't okay and that I need to TRULY let go of my expectations...not just say that I'm letting it go or not being attached to some sort of hope for a good race.  I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't a part of me that clinging to the idea of having my body just snap into shape and finally being able to run the marathon I had trained for.  I felt the tears bubble up a little this morning when I heard myself tell others that I was letting go.  When I made the decision to not run my 18 miles this morning, I knew then and there that I was finally ready to ACCEPT where I'm at and stop fighting it.  

Here's to the next 2 weeks of rest and loving myself as we continue to plant our roots here in Asheville.  In fact, I think I just might be ready for a nap even though I just woke up a couple of hours ago.  

Happy Easter,

Amanda 

Listening To Our Bodies

I think we've all been there before.  We've been so determined. So focused on a goal.  So absorbed by our training, our plan, our goals to get to where we hope to be.  To accomplish the feat that will make us feel victorious.  Glorious.  Successful and satisfied.  Sometimes we get so focused on staying on track and following a "plan" that we forget to listen to our bodies.  We forget to realize that it is always okay to go off our path for a quick change of pace or direction if it means keeping our bodies healthy and injury free.  Just like with a good road trip...sometimes we need to take unexpected potty stops or we get tired and have to pull over for a pick me upper!  Without these stops or breaks we might not get to our destination at all. Isn't changing our plan or slowing down more important than never getting there at all? 


This is where I'm at this week.  I'm pulling into a rest stop with my training plan and I'm listening to my body.  This isn't always something I would have done but after reading so much about injuries and broken hearts of athletes who pushed themselves too hard or had the misfortune of hurting themselves and now can't run at all, I'm trying to learn from their stories as much as possible. My own recent injury is fresh in my mind as well. We all know that as runners, we can be a bit neurotic or obsessive sometimes (not all of us) and missing a day or two sometimes seems like the end of the world.  It is easy to feel Out of Control when we don't stick or our plan as we had expected.  Not to mention how our mood changes when we don't get our running "fix" that we are used to getting. But, I'm trying to play this thing smart.  I only have one body. One pair of strong legs, arms and feet.  One.  And I have to take care of it.  


As most of you who read my blog know, I've been experiencing some pain in the side of my leg and was thinking it was IT Band pain.  After so much great advice, googling it , and talking to friends, I'm thinking I'm right about it being my IT band. RockStarTri mentioned that sometimes woman feel the pain more in the outside of the hip rather than the knee.  This seems to be the case for me. 


I plan on posting a blog soon with all of the wise advice I received from everyone.  I also found a good video that shows me some good stretches and ways to roll it out.  Thank you everyone!


As of now I'm:
*  Taking it easy
*  Slowing down with my plan this week.  Yesterday I didn't run...only rolling and stretching
*  Tonight still not much running...spin class and then Yoga
*  YOGA...I am going to make this part of my weekly workout routine.  I think it is so important.  Meg from Meg Runs mentioned a few yoga stretches that help her with her IT band.  
*  Jill advised me to roll it and stretch it every day whether it hurts or not. She has also e-mailed to check in...thanks Jill.   
*  Miss Zippy (Amanda) has really been good about reminding me to NOT PUSH IT. Thinking of her and her recovery and hoping she can be running strong again soon!
*  LISTENING to my BODY.  


Today it is a pretty dull pain so I think it is getting less angry.  I feel pretty sore for some reason in my lower back and hips...probably from all the painful rolling and stretching.  


Thanks again to all of you for your advice and wonderful and wise reminders!  Once again, this blog is a HUGE blessing to me.  I've learned so much and I am so grateful for the resource that it proves to be for me in so many areas of my life.  


Are you remembering to listen to your body? 
I am now but I have not always done this.  When I was younger it used to be all about being tough and pushing through pain that I should have listened to.  


Would you describe yourself as obsessive, needing to be in control, or a bit neurotic about running or other things in your life?  
Once again, I am much less so now that I'm older.  I still get obsessive about things...if I have something to plan that is important...a presentations, training for a race, etc.  Training for a race and being on track with my plan helps me feel in control with other areas of my life.  


Do you feel okay about going off track of your plans when you need to or when things come up?  
After experiencing what it is like to be seriously injured (my complete hamstring tear in August) I realized just how precious my body is and how I have to take care of it in order to keep my lifestyle the way I want it to be.  I'm pretty good at reevaluating things in life and changing direction if I need to.  



Happy Thursday,
Amanda