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Why is it...
that when we are really losing our shit as moms...like REALLY throwing a huge mommy tantrum where we are setting every possible bad example for our kids...every example of HOW NOT TO ACT when you don't get your way... it's like our real self, our higher self, is sitting inside looking out at the storm, shaking the head with a "tsk tsk tsk" knowing full and well what a complete and ridiculous ass of a mom we are being,
but
we
can't
stop
ourselves??
Slamming of doors
Huffing and Puffing
Yelling
Crying over a broken vase (an accident)
Wearing the puckered up, wrinkled eyebrow Cry Face (so glad nobody was filming me).
Demanding that my house stop being taken apart as soon as they get home from school even though they are clearly using their imaginations.
Being completely unreasonable about the couch cushions being taken off to be used as a fort.
A dust of angry Mom Storm.
And through all of it, I'm fully aware of myself and what I SHOULD do. I know that I'm an exemplifying the opposite of every "good parenting behavior" I've read about in all those stupid mom books (okay, so not stupid). I know that I'll have to apologize later for this mommy meltdown. I'm aware that I'm giving new meaning to OVERREACTING.
But
I
just
Don't
Stop.
Until I'm done, I feel better, and all three kids are hiding in their room writing "sorry" notes. I'm wondering if they are writing the "sorry" notes because they really feel bad or because they know that these notes are just the perfect thing to make me FEEL AWFUL about my bad mom fit. Or maybe a bit of both.
Either way,
It all ends okay.
- Kids say sorry,
- Mom cleans up glass while bitching about how she can never have anything nice in this house because kids break everything.
- Mom says sorry and turns the whole thing into a teachable (laughable) moment on how not to act.
- Kids forgive.
- Mom forgives.
- Kids go back to their harmless and imaginative mess making while turning their bedrooms into miniature houses fully equipped with kitchen (including plates, food, and silverware), couch cushions for the couch, and who knows what else.
- I've removed myself from the situation, given up the idea of a clean and organized house (why did I even attempt such things?!) and decided to put myself outside in a time out and blog (VENT) on the front porch. I'll deal with the mess later and pretend that they are the ones cleaning it up.
Gosh, it sure sucks when we reach these rope ends of motherhood. When we lose our shit. Blow our tops. Act like small children that need a nap and ate too much candy.
But even though it sucks, we all need to have moments where we blow off some steam, act a little ridiculous, laugh about it afterwards and then not beat ourselves up about it because:
- Motherhood is HARD
- Throwing a fit feels GOOD sometimes
- Our kids are better off in the long run if they get to see that life and people are full of imperfection. It's good for them to see their parents lose it and act a little nuts at times (within reason). And it's good for them to see how we respond AFTER our bad behavior...when we come back and say "Gee kids, Mom really acted a little crazy here. I'm sorry, I guess I'm just having a bad day. Will you forgive me?"
Oh, and the longer I am lucky enough to enjoy this Motherhood gig,
the
MORE
I
am
so darn thankful
for
RUNNING!
Bring on the long run! 14 miles tomorrow will do the trick. Then I'll be too tired to throw any huge Mommy Fits. Or maybe not.
Happy Friday,
Amanda
