I'm doing a fine job with things. More than fine.
Life is good.
But I just haven't had the same passion or color in my life. The kind of alertness that makes me marvel at the things that are so easy to go unnoticed...it just hasn't been there.
Yesterday was the first time I picked up my personal journal or journals to my kids in months! I opened my journal and honestly, I felt like I was having tea with a stranger when I tried to write something. Those of you that know me from this blog know that my journals and writing are one of the biggest ways I connect with myself and stay grounded and present in my life. It was weird being alone with my thoughts and coaxing myself to do some reflection.
It was work. Work to connect with ME. Work to be still with my thoughts and think about what I'm really feeling and where I'm really AT with LIFE. Right now.
We don't always have to be doing this work. Life is busy. We get tired. And truthfully, sometimes is is nice to just go on autopilot and zone out. Just be. Not always be thinking. I just don't like going too long living my life just going through the motions before I turn the auto pilot off and start being a bit more alert. Reflective. AWAKE. In Control. For me, this means taking more time for writing again....my personal writing and even my blog writing. Not the kind of blog posts where I do product reviews or tell you what I ate for breakfast and what kind of shoes I'm wearing. But the deeper stuff. The kind of posts that help me grow and process. The kind where I share my life, thoughts, ideas, struggles...be REAL. I've missed that kind of blogging. I miss the connections and relationships that come from that kind of blogging. The moms I meet via e-mail that write to tell me their struggles as a mother or trying to find ways to balance fitness/health with every day life. The comments where people share similar stories and advice.
I think there are many cycles/season in life and we don't always have to be doing the same thing or enjoying the same activities and outlets. That's what is cool about life. But I do know that lately, I've been thinking it is time to get my writing/journaling/vulnerable side moving again. Blowing the dust off this week I think.
In the meantime, this weekend was pretty epic in terms of RUNNING!
Yesterday (Thanks to Tasha from Healthy Diva), I ran the Helvetia Half Marathon as marathon training run. This was not a race. The goal was to hit goal marathon pace for the first 10 miles so that I could get a feel for it off of my treadmill. Then I had the last three miles to do whatever I felt like. For the Sauvie Island Marathon (July 4th), my goal marathon pace is right around 7:38/7:40 so I was trying to come as close to this pace as possible (even on the downhills). Here's how it went:
Split
|
Time
|
Distance
|
Avg Pace
|
|---|---|---|---|
Summary
|
1:40:32.5
|
13.21
|
7:37
|
1
|
7:25.5
|
1.00
|
7:25
|
2
|
7:35.4
|
1.00
|
7:35
|
3
|
7:41.5
|
1.00
|
7:41
|
4
|
7:48.5
|
1.00
|
7:49
|
5
|
8:12.7
|
1.00
|
8:13
|
6
|
7:46.2
|
1.00
|
7:46
|
7
|
7:40.6
|
1.00
|
7:41
|
8
|
7:37.1
|
1.00
|
7:37
|
9
|
7:39.4
|
1.00
|
7:39
|
10
|
7:37.6
|
1.00
|
7:38
|
11
|
7:28.5
|
1.00
|
7:28
|
12
|
7:17.9
|
1.00
|
7:18
|
13
|
7:20.0
|
1.00
|
7:20
|
14
|
1:21.6
|
0.21
|
6:28
|
And here is the elevation profile of this BEAUTIFUL course that runs through the Oregon countryside. Definitely a monster hill in there.
Overall, this was such a JOYFUL run. I got to run with Stephanie from Soggy Runner Girl from mile 8ish on. Thank you Steph! Your energy and love for running is CONTAGIOUS! I got to finish feeling strong and happy. Happy that the first 10 miles were so easy, as they should be if I'm going to run a marathon at that pace. For the first time in training, I feel so so confident that I can nail this 7:38ish range without much effort. And I know that after this July 4th marathon, I can and WILL start training for other things that will only lead to getting faster, more confident, and accomplishing things I might have never imagined. High hopes here. I'm so thankful that I've been smart in recovering from this injury. I've been patient and okay with keeping things slow and steady. Because of this, running has been pressure free and full of JOY. That's the way it should be for me right now.
To top the week off, I ran a slow, easy, and beautiful 4-6 mile (wasn't keeping track) trail run with my Husband. Yes, that's right, we are going on running dates again! Our favorite kind of date. His plantar fasciitis is doing so much better. I couldn't ask for a better way to end my running week. It was WELL WORTH paying a sitter so we could go together.
This run in the forest with my best friend was certainly a start in reconnecting with myself and shutting the autopilot off. I feel refreshed. And Happy!
Amanda
I am pretty terrible about going into auto pilot mode. I think sometimes I just feel so busy with life that I get too tired to stop and reconnect with how I am really feeling about things, which is not good! So thanks for reminding me to take time to reflect, despite the busyness of all our schedules.
ReplyDeleteYour running date with your husband sounds fabulous. I must find some trails to run on sometime. Have a great week.
I need reminded all the time. So easy to get stuck in this mode.
DeleteI sometimes hit the autopilot button on and just go through the motions for a week or so. Sometimes it's good to give the mind a break and just zone out for awhile. The hard part, at least for me, is turning it back off again. I do find that once I do start being aware again, it gets the creative juices flowing.
ReplyDeleteI totally get this...once I zone out, it is coming back again that is hard.
DeleteI love that picture of you in the forest!! I feel the same way at times....like weeks have gone by with nothing quite remarkable about them...like I'm just going through the motions. It frustrates me because I know how quickly time is passing with my daughter and I want to soak up and remember it all!
ReplyDeleteThat's how I get too. This time is so fleeting. So thankful when I remember to soak it all up.
Deletelove the trail running pic! you look so happy and cute! :)
ReplyDeleteI try to not get down on myself for how much I need autopilot these past few years. It is preferable to the bad alternative. So glad you are feeling more connected, running so strong and being involved in life :) That picture of you trailing running is fantastic :)
ReplyDeleteI have no doubts that your marathon will be outstanding :)
Autopilot can be a good thing too Marjorie. It is what held my mom together all those years after my dad died. What helped her actually be a mom for us and give us a good life despite her desire to just crumble. But I really don't need to be on autopilot for too long. Just long enough to recharge sometimes. Yes, don't get down on yourself. We need autopilot as a feature in our "life Plane/vehicle" as a survival skill sometimes. It changes things up a bit. Takes the edge off. Thanks Marjorie. xo
DeleteThis weekend was the first time I picked up my journal in a few weeks and it was so refreshing to process life on my own for a bit, and come out of that 'auto-pilot' mode that you described. Great job on your race! I'm itching to do a half soon, but there aren't any down here until October, and I'm not going to travel for one... also, how awesome to run with your husband, sans kids! We've been doing an easy weekend run with the stroller, although mine would rather chase a ball than run, but it's become a special time.
ReplyDeleteIt is a special time! Journal time is so important to me...need to do it more often!!
DeleteOne thing jumped out to me from reading this post- journaling to your kids! What a great idea and why have I not been doing this? Once a year I may write them a short note in their baby book but I love the idea of having a journal for each one that I write in anytime. I am going to totally steal this idea and start doing this!! I love all your creative mommy ways! :-)
ReplyDeleteAs for the running--- sounds like you are easing back into it the right way. Your HM splits were PERFECT for your upcoming marathon. You are right where you need to be!
Tia, I've done this since birth but I don't always keep up. Sometimes it is like every 3 months even. But they are fun to go back on over the years. LIttle things they say and do that are funny...we just write them down. I'm so excited about my marathon coming up. :) Thanks for your words.
DeleteYes, I know all about this autopilot:) As always, enjoy reading your thoughts and how I can use them in my own life to reflect.
ReplyDeleteLove this picture of you in the forest! So beautiful there.... You look happy and young and free! What a great date. Glad to hear Waylon is doing better! I haven't been running with Joe forever. We haven't biked or hiked (things we loved to do) or done anything physical together in awhile-ha. Soon I hope!
Super job on the race. Really right what you were going for. Executed very well!
Glad you feel refreshed!
Yeah, from the video I sent you , I sure was happy, young and free. ha!
DeleteYes - very familiar with autopilot...sometimes you just need to go there to recharge. Glad you're feeling reconnected!
ReplyDeleteWonderful job with your race - love how strong and confident you sounds about your training!
I agree Michelle...it is a recharge zone...autopilot.
DeleteThanks.
Most of this year has been gong through the motions for me. In a lot of ways I've been scared to give myself too much time to think because I'm sure it would make me angry, frustrated and sad. There just haven't been enough of the good things - it's all been about trying to feel well and getting by. So what's better? Immersing yourself in those negative emotions or putting yourself on autopilot? Still haven't worked that one out.
ReplyDeleteI think a little of both in this situation. :) Immersing yourself in negative emotions is different from allowing yourself the time to feel that way. And validating your feelings without feeling like you're just being negative nelly. :) But then autopilot can really help get through those crappy times too.
DeleteLife does kind of go in shifts and phases doesn't it? I am glad that i am not the only one functioning in autopilot. It's funny that you actually used that term, because it is often thrown around this house as an insult. I liked reading what you said in comments to Marjorie. It certainly does have its place- just not all the time.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are putting more time to writing. I have missed your blogging and know that you have to balance it. Sometimes it seems like my own balance of priorities is opposite everyone else's. That might have made very little sense..oh well.
Looking forward to seeing you again soon. :)
E-mailed you already but thank you Raina. You make sense to me. ;)
DeleteForgot to say that i love the trail running pic too- and that it is WONDERFUL that hubby is getting over his PF.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post.
ReplyDeleteI do this, too, and I don't even like to do it on the job. I zone out at work and just get the job done, but let's face it - we spend a lot of time at work and need to make those hours count, too!
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ReplyDeleteI love how you and Waylon got to have a running date- what a great way to spend Sunday afternoon together. Is he recovering from his injury so that he can start running with you more?
ReplyDeleteAbout Helvetia- you did AWESOME! It is a fun/challenging course. When I was looking at your splits I instantly remembered where the killer hill was! Your whole race you ran very consistent splits. What a great practice run for Sauvie.
I feel like I am an auto pilot in a way too right now. It doesn't help that it is summer, but I just don't feel like blogging right now. Blogging reminds me of running which I can't do and without that my life is pretty boring leaving me nothing to talk about. Maybe I will have some inspiration this week and write something, but honestly talking about cross training is boring. I guess I could talk about PT and my chiro appointments that have me running every which direction all over town. I will be glad not only when I can run because it will make me happy, but it will also mean I won't have appointments everyday.
Kudos for shutting off that auto-pilot! That can be so hard to do.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on a great half marathon training race!
Good job on the training run! I love running on trails; they remind me of my love of running with each and every tree and turn and hill! Even better is the fact that your best friend and husband likes to do it too!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you got to do the half marathon and that it was such a good experience. I think you are going to be amazed at how well you do when you do really race. You are going to be kicking some serious butt! Cheers and hugs from WY. :)
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the race!!
ReplyDelete