Saturday, October 13, 2012

Running Again! Who Needs Real Sunshine? And Running, Motherhood, Life Goals..Simple.

Fingers Smiling,
Toes Tickled, 
   Legs laughing,
Body Buzzing,
Eyes Bright with possibility.

Running Again.

Arms stretched wide,
        Open for receiving, 

A sigh of relief,
A reminder of Me,
for Making my own sunshine today, 


It's been too long.

We may not see the sunshine around here for 8 to 9 months out of the year, but days like this where I can run injury free and feel myself getting back into shape, are a reminder of all the reasons I do it...why I run.  It IS my makes my life brighter.  Running helps me see the world in color.  It helps me open my arms to all the love and that life has to offer. It gives me focus and strength.  Motivation.  The time I spend running translates to the energy I have to give to my a mother, friend, wife, etc. 

 Feeling my body move so effortlessly today (although still obviously out of shape) has left me smiling from ear to ear.  There was no real sunshine shining down on me, but the trees were splashed with reds, oranges and yellows, the air cool, and the beauty of the pacific northwest so striking as I made my way up and down the hills around my house,
through the paths,
past the children playing soccer games,
parents cheering with their coffee cups in hand and coats wrapped tight.
Rolling fog in the distance,
Pumpkins on the sidewalk....

I noticed things.  
I noticed the life around me.  
My world that has so often been in gray lately was so obviously in full on color as I made way way home after my 8 mile run.

Only 8 miles today but it was 8 miles more than I ran yesterday or the day before.  8 new long run after a stretch of practically  no running.  And what little running I have done has been in the pool or very sparse and slow.  My 8 miles today was 8 miles of feeling whole and hungry for more.  This feels better than I can possibly say.  It's almost as if I remembered ME today.  I know this sounds dramatic or a little extreme...but really, the last couple weeks...months even...have just been odd for me.  Not bad.  Not good.  Just different.  An in-between place.  And we need these times in life where we have to slow down and take a long hard look at ourselves whether we like it or not.  This time has been good for me.  But gosh, I'm so happy to be coming out of it and getting back to running and remembering the JOY that surrounds me in everything.  Remembering focus and motivation.  Remembering why...WE RUN.  

So, although still out of shape, I'm happy with my run today.  8 miles with 5 easy and 3 moderate.
8:02 avg
1 8:21
2 8:35
3 8:17
4 7:35
5 7:23
6 8:30
7 7:16 (ha!  This felt more like a 6:40 might have felt back in the spring but that's steps).
8 8:17 

Goals and Time with ME
This morning I had some time in my journal (pictured above).  My journal that I used to write in daily has taken a back seat in my life lately and it was so nice to reconnect.  Writing to myself felt so good.  Just writing to me...saying hello to was a breath of fresh air.  As I was writing, a card slipped out (also in the picture above) that my husband wrote to me a few weeks ago.  I didn't really notice the message on the front at the time...I noticed it but I didn't think too much about it until today.  Today it was such a strong message to me.  Yes, all we need is love.  In my opinion, LOVE is the most powerful gift we have.  It is the essence of God.  Of God in us.  Of God in the world.  And having love for ourselves is perhaps where it all begins...the prerequisite for being the best we can be and spreading love to all we touch.  I decided to make a few goals for my life but instead of  my usual lists, today I just chose to keep it simple....

To get back into it slowly and just take it in as it comes.  The next few weeks are about getting back in touch with running and myself and then I will be ready to decide on my goals for Boston training.  

TO CUT MYSELF some SLACK!  Love me.  I am enough.  I am enough as a mother and my kids will remember me as a good mom despite my mistakes.  Really working on letting go of the GUILT that is always there for me as a mom...the perfectionism that dominates my motherhood mind...I'm working on letting it go and just being...ME.  Enough.  I'm a good mom and I don't need to keep beating myself over the head for all the things I'm not doing...I will celebrate the things I AM Doing.  

Make time for growing the friendships/relationships that really matter.  Give to them.  Give and receive LOVE.  These people are gifts...I don't connect with just everyone on the deepest of levels but I do have a handful of people in my world that I consider soul connections...people that have made it deeply into my heart....people worth holding on to forever and ever.  I want to make sure I take time for these people...they make my life richer.  At the same time, they are the kind of friends that will always be there no matter how much time we spend together.  But life is short...I want more of them.  

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  1. This was wonderful. It's amazing how after some time off from running (whether it's injury or other circumstances), you really appreciate the comeback, when you can run pain free and just feel SO lucky to be that healthy. :)

    1. Yes, the comeback is always so nice. Being injured or taking time off of running is always good for us in that when we do finally start running again, it is so so nice. Makes me not take it for granted.

  2. You make my soul smile. As a mom we can't change the things we have done. All we can do is keep trying harder and saying we are sorry when it is needed. We will NEVER reach perfection for long. I can say I was a perfect mom today with plenty of patience, smiles, hugs, love, and no negative talk. BUT, tomorrow I may not be. I know in a weeks time I will fail multiple times. We have to accept that and move on. You are a good mom, Amanda despite your failures.

    So glad you got your miles in today and enjoyed it!

    1. Nope, can't change our mistakes. But really, our mistakes are part of what make us good moms...our kids learn from that . nobody needs perfect. Perfect is boring. Perfect all the time would show our kids a false picture of what real life really is all about. It has taken me lots of work to get to where I'm at right now with things...I'm still not entirely there (where I want to be with just being) but I'm at the point of at least being more aware of the ridiculous pressure I put on myself...the ridiculous standards I try to meet when it comes to motherhood. Yes, I AM a good mom. I know this. Thanks. I do know this most of the time...I just need to keep reminding myself of this. Good luck tomorrow T! Kick some 5k bootay!!

  3. More later!! Just a very quick note to say super job on your run!!! I read the rest of this as well and I'll be back! Love you:)

    1. Love you! thanks for the encouragement....funny when I'm excited about 8 miles at 8:02 pace but really, feels good to be running normal again...icing my foot now though.

  4. Sorry to leave such a lame comment on such a wonderful post but...I love every bit of this :)

    1. NOt lame. you=not lame! Thanks Marjorie. Now icing my foot...I might have gotten just a tad carried away today. ha! Easy to do.

  5. This is beautifully it. I would lie to add that we all suffer mommy matter what. Does it ever end? I'm not sure but I know I could do 99 things mommy-related correctly and then I forget to send in 12 sharpened #2 pencils and then I'll compare myself to Stalin. We are our worst critics.

    1. Thanks Kristen. Yes, mommy guilt stinks.. I'm done with it...At least I'm ready to kick it to the curb and keep it there. I'm sure it will sneak back up to my sidewalk at some point but here's to focusing on the good things.

  6. Love reading these posts by you Amanda! I'm like you as a mom always trying to be perfect but as I get ready today to bring home baby #2 I'm making just one goal for show myself as much grace as I give others!

    1. Ah, I love show myself as much grace as I give others! Thank you for this. And congrats to you on baby #2 Nancy. BEst wishes to you....such a sweet time in life.

  7. I'm so happy to hear you had a solid run again. Don't fret about the pace or the distance - just go and clear your head, breathe in the fresh air, and smile. :)

    1. Thanks Jill. Yeah, I might just start taking my Garmin off the next few weeks. Naked running...ha!

  8. Amen! I love this post! Sometimes the world seems like a black and white movie (at least that's how it was in Chicago) and running transforms it into a high-definition, vivid, colorful one. It's amazing. I remember Chicago being grey for 8 months out of the year (or more). The sky was always white. Everything looked like a blank canvas, yet to be painted. I found it depressing but running always made it better.

    I am craving that gloomy weather lately. We had one day of rain last week and I savored every minute of it. We're back to sunny and warm weather today and believe it or not, I'm tired of it! I'd take some chilly gloom over this sunshine lately.

    Your "out of shape" is what most runners strive for. That is something to smile about. :)

    1. Well, if you want gloomy weather...come up here! :) Funny how we always want what we don't least a little bit. I'm ready for a change up for sure. Grey and rain just don't do it for me anymore. :)

  9. So, so glad you are running pain-free!! That is ALWAYS a good thing! Your 8 mile run splits are great. You will be "back" in no time. The month of July was my "come back" month this year after my knee tendonitis issues and it was hard trying not to compare my current running self to my spring running self. Hang in there and stick with the workouts. It will pay off and I'm sure you WILL come back stronger and faster! :-)

  10. I am pretty sure I saw you running on West Union! :)