Missing Asheville: A Little Sad. Validating Our Own Feelings

"I do love Bend. So much about it...the quality of life, the people, the fact that everything I need is within a 7 mile radius, the extremely fit and healthy population that makes me feel like I'm in some kind of bubble (probably am), the trails, schools, food, neighborhood (kids play the entire day with friends), the house, our backyard...it's great. However, I also think I'm allowed to miss my home in Weaverville/Asheville too. I miss so much tonight: My front porch, the warm mornings and evenings, fireflies, humidity (yes, I miss that too), the walks to the library and around the block to witness breathtaking sunsets over the Blue Ridge mountains, Well Bred bakery, the cute little library, my bench in the nature park, friends, the coming fall where the entire outside world will be a breathtaking display of colors that nothing can quite compare to. I know Bend will become that for me too...it already is. But for now, tonight, I'm feeling some major love for the home in my heart back in North Carolina. Feeling grateful to have lived in some cool places! And wishing I had some sort of secret power where I could be in either place with the snap of my fingers." --My thoughts from a few days ago.

Life sure has been a whirlwind lately.  An exciting whirlwind but a whirlwind all the same.  Really, the last year and a half  has been like this.  As many of you know, in March 2013, we moved our family of five from Portland, OR to Asheville, NC for an opportunity to live somewhere we'd never lived before for a little over a year.  We were grateful for the opportunity and excited for the adventure.  With our temporary move to Asheville,  came lots of travel along the east coast, living in a small but charming old house in a small town, meeting new friends, and discovering a place I had no idea I'd love so so very much. I've written about this lots but the big story of how this came to be is here:  Take the Leap: Grow Your Heart. And We're Moving to Bend.

 I knew we'd be taking a huge leap of faith in moving all the way across the country for only a year or so but I also knew that it's often these leaps of faith that open some of the most amazing doors in our lives.  It certainly opened those doors.  It led us to a place I loved more than any other place I've ever lived. And it led to a year or so of incredible growth.  It was a safe place for me to work through some things, heal, and find my way to begin this next chapter in my life.  Living there gave me a place to start fresh and discover myself and life in ways I never would have otherwise.  I'm forever thankful for this time.  I'm beyond thankful that we were able to move back to Oregon and settle in Bend.  It truly is an incredible place to live.  I feel lucky indeed.  But, I'm also struggling a little.

Change is hard.  Period.  It just is.  And just because we are living a good life and in a place where people would love to be, it doesn't mean I shouldn't allow myself  to feel sad if that's where I'm at with things.  The past few days have been hard for me.  Although I'm happy and excited to be here, there's also such a big part of me that hurts in saying goodbye to a place that filled me so completely.  My heart sang in Asheville.  I ache for it.  If I close my eyes I can feel myself there again, wrapped in the Blue Ridge Mountains, running on my favorite path around Beaver Lake, and sitting on my front porch watching the fireflies come out. I can feel the warm morning air and see the glorious sunsets that were there for me when I'd head out on my evening runs. I hear the birds that sang morning, noon and night. I can see the large old house across from ours...its craftsman charm and old front porch, smiling at me and telling me I was home.  I miss it.

I miss it so much. Today was especially hard.  The tears were right there on the surface, ready to pour out no matter how hard I tried to stuff them in.  Its been an internal struggle for me.  I've almost berated myself for my feelings.  I've told myself that I have no right to be sad when I'm living in this gorgeous house in a place people would LOVE beyond anything to live.  I keep yelling at myself to just be happy and focus on all that I have and stop feeling sad about saying goodbye to something I knew all along was temporary.  I've found myself scolding myself for sounding ungrateful and not counting my blessings (even though I do...daily!).  I even make lists of all the things in the world that are really worth feeling sad about and tell myself how silly it is to feel sad in my situation.  I tell myself things like:

"Gee, Amanda, you're really being a brat.  You have trails at your finger tips, a gorgeous house, sunshine, family, mountains...everything you wanted!! There are people with real things to be sad about.  There are so many people that can't even afford to travel or buy a house at all and here you are whining about missing  a place you were lucky enough to travel to in the first place! Who does that?  Moves across the country, travels the east coast, lives a completely different life, and then still gets to move back to a place like Bend, OR.  Gee wiz, lady, what's your problem?!"  

I know how much I have to be happy about.  And I am happy.  I know all that I have to be thankful for. And I am thankful.  I know all this. I know that there are people going through REAL and BIG and HURTFUL things in life...there are people dying, dealing with serious illness and poverty, war and so so much. Yes, I'm more than sensitive to this fact.  It all makes me feel so ridiculous writing an entire  blog post about being SAD about leaving a place I love.  Almost makes me laugh if I think about it...

But...

I'm ready to just let myself Feel what I Feel and BE where I AM Today.  

I just found this picture that was actually taken/written right when we moved to Asheville and before the 2013 Boston Marathon.  This was one of my very first walks on the path around Beaver Lake...a path that I would end up running countless miles on!  I did many a long run on this path!

I think it's okay to allow myself to feel sad today.  It's okay to feel happy too.  Even to feel extremely happy and sad in the same breath.  It's okay to feel what we feel...even when our feelings and hard spots seem so insignificant compared to so many in the world.  It's okay to BE where we ARE!  And it's okay to miss something that we love.  Maybe that's just what I NEED to do: Allow myself to grieve a bit...because that's what it is: A little bit of grief for a place and a community I didn't want to leave.  I think that by allowing myself to feel sad without worrying about how I come across to others or myself, I will then be able to move on FULLY and be my best self.  I think this is true with so many things in our life: When we validate our own feelings and allow ourselves to be where we are without worrying what we SHOULD feel, think and act like, we give ourselves permission to grow at our own pace and stand as we are.    

So, there I AM.  A little sad today.  That's okay.  I'm happy too.  I can be both, right?  I already feel better after writing my feelings and allowing myself some process time!  I needed it!

Just writing this post has helped me feel ready to move on and start LIVING whole heartedly here in Bend.  There's so much to do and see and my kids are happier than ever.  There's new races to try (perhaps my first 50k trail race), mountains to climb, date nights, friends to meet and MEMORIES to make!  And I have a feeling I'll be back to Asheville to say hello from time to time!

Have you ever felt something you almost didn't allow yourself to feel because it seemed silly or insignificant compared to everything else in life? 

Amanda
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A few of my favorite posts from when I was in Asheville:

Beautiful Life and Treasured Moments: Worth Slowing Down 

Six Months

Mindful Running, Living for the Now, and Moving Forward with Willingness and Intention

Smile, Wave, Say Hello.  It Really Does Make a Difference.  

All Things Running

In Love with a City

Snapshot Run in Asheville, NC

Best Race Swag Ever, Easy Pace Getting Faster, Love, and Random

 Could today get any better?  I'm not so sure. It has been one of those days that starts slow and cherished and then just keeps getting better.  After my 11 mile easy run that felt amazing for easy (more on that in a minute),  I came home to a hot shower, happy kids, a husband grilling and a cold beer!

1.  I think a day like today calls for a good beer. 
2. I used my favorite race swag EVER to open my beer.  Seriously, the Boston Marathon knows how to do it up right.  This bottle opener is some pretty sweet race swag.  I love it!  

Waking up to cold weather, sunshine and nowhere I needed to be made me feel all cozy inside.  It was one of those rare mornings that are far and few in between these days where our little family is just frozen in time:

Cold Saturday morning,

                                                      frosty windows, sunshine-full room, 

a family wrapped in blankets,

cartoons, cuddles, coffee 

A promise of chocolate chip pancakes.

These mornings will be one of those slices of life memories we treasure for always.

After a few cups of coffee, plenty of blanket/couch time, and deciding my run could wait,  I couldn't help myself ... the beautiful fall day was calling my name....and a walk to the bakery in town for one more cup of [good] coffee was in order. Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE this town that I live in?  Yes, I think I have.  Well, for good measure, I'll say it again...I LOVE living here!  I love this small town.  I love the Blue Ridge Mountains.  I love the community.  I love the sunshine.  I love the little 1900's Craftsman style home that we are temporarily living in.  LOVE.

Decided the run could wait until later. Too much life to enjoy at home this morning! Cold, crisp, sunny, beautiful morning with a short walk to the bakery for our last cup of coffee. Notebook along for the walk...you never know when there will be words to catch.

More coffee
Plenty of cuddles
Sunshine
A new haircut
Quality time with my oldest daughter

Only thing missing was a nice longish run (long run for me these days seems to be around 10 to 13 miles) but I made sure to add that to the list too!

My run today was just another part of this Joyful morning.  I turned my watch around so I wouldn't look at it and I just set the goal to run Happy and Easy.  Every time I did look at my watch, I was surprised to see my mile splits at quite a bit faster than I expected.  Must have been the gorgeous fall weather! With my first mile at 7:45, I tried to deliberately slow down but most of my splits stayed under 8 until the end where they were a bit slower.  My EASY is getting FASTER!  This is a good feeling!

Yes!  Easy pace is picking up again!  Thank you body.  Thank you mind.  And Hello Spirit!  Truly a Run Happy kind of day!  And my Brooks Ravenna 4 felt perfect. 

I'm certain that this day (now night) will only continue to get better.  I intend for it to be that way.... Today, I CHOOSE JOY!  We really do have so much to do with how our life unfolds.  There are some big things I'm working on in my little world and not all of them are easy.  However, I can say that they are all WORTH it because they are part of making my life the very best that it can be.

And to end this post with something to think on, I thought I'd post this quote that I saw on Facebook.  Definitely something I could chew on for a bit and see from multiple perspectives.  A good discussion piece FOR SURE.  I'd love to know YOUR first reactions after reading it.  I posted this on Runninghood's Facebook but in the comments below, I'll include some of the comments posted about it.

1. How was your weekend? What stood out to you?  
2. Who's racing this weekend?  
3. What's your idea of a perfect weekend morning?  
4. What's the best race swag you've ever received? 
5. Is the weather in your neck of the woods drastically cooling off?  What's it like?  
6. And, last but NOT least, what are your thoughts/reflections about the quote on love posted above??  

Amanda 

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Snapshot Run in Asheville, NC

In light of making running more about fun and taking an easier path to training runs, I decided to make today's run a SNAPSHOT RUN an opportunity to see more of this beautiful city of Asheville, North Carolina.  After all, we go back to Portland, OR in a year so I really want to make sure I soak up Asheville as much as I can.  Today's run was all about heading  out on the streets of downtown Asheville with the main intention of capturing some of the parts of my city that are not only new to me, but spots that are my favorites and places I'd like to visit soon!  I grabbed my camera/phone, found my easy pace and kept my eyes wide.  I've never really gone on a Snapshot run before but I think this might have to be something I do more often...especially when getting to know a city.

Walnut Street. One of my favorite streets.  Little alleys tucked in along this street as well as some wine bars that look interesting.  

The Battery Park Book Exchange and Champagne Bar. Love love love this book store right along the outside of the Grove Arcade.   It is filled with some really neat room, couches, and places to just hide with a good book.  And a glass of champagne or coffee or...  SO. MUCH. Character!  A must see if you love bookstores and visit Asheville.  

YUM!  Kilwin's will surely draw you in with the aromas of fresh sweets...fudge, chocolates, taffy, caramel corn, etc.  This was a stop on one of the night's of my recent Girl Weekend.  We couldn't help but stop and grab a few things.  So so GOOD.   

This is the area right downtown called Pritchard Park.  Every Friday evening there is an amazing drum circle here.  It is so energizing to watch or even sit in the middle of.  People of all walks of life...drumming...dancing...and loving life.  It is also a great place to sit.  Many benches to choose from...perfect place to sit with a friend and chat.  

A Special Bench that holds lots of meaning to me.  

Asheville's famous Iron at the end of Wall Street.  You will often find musicians  sitting here.  

Wow!  I fell in love with these pens.  I walked by this table outside of the Grove Arcade where artist Carl Pittman of Blue Mountain Bowls was working.  His work was beautiful.  Bowls, Journals, Pens...adding the pen below to my "things I love" list! 

Pen by Carl Pittman from Blue Mountain Bowls.  Beautiful work!

I've heard amazing things about this place Tupelo Honey Cafe.  The wait is always long but that's usually a good sign. This is on my list for one of my next date nights.  

Yay for Used and Rare Books!  Love Bookstores!  This one, The Captain's Bookshelf,  is especially fun to just go and look through.  So far, I haven't had much time to really visit as long as I would like but I did find a really old copy of Jane Eyre that I almost bought.  

Next time I'll actually go inside instead of run by.  

This place, Bouchon, looks like a fun place to go for some French food.  

Love this staircase that leads down to Wall Street.

Dolce Vita is my favorite shop in all of Asheville.  Love going in here.  Love the art, cards, magnets and so much more.  It is small but FULL of ME.  

If you want a place to get some really great HEALTHY Vegetarian food, this is the place to go.  So good.  And So good for you!  Definitely a CRUNCHY VIBE.  Ha!  Laughing Seed Cafe , located on Historic Wall Street, is one of our favorite places to take visitors who like this type of food/vibe. 

Another restaurant on Wall Street that is a MUST.  Early Girl Eatery is the Best breakfast place around.  The wait might be long but it is worth it.  

Would love a date to the Asheville Community Theater.  A good place to take the whole family!  

 And my FAVORITE part of this city run??  Stopping by my husband's work for a kiss.  He even let me take his snapshot:

Have you ever taken a Snapshot Run in your city or a new city that you are visiting?  One where you stop often to capture the places and images that catch your eye or make you want to return?

Amanda

Ramble Run 12k Run and Where I'm at with Running and Fitness

Mother's Day weekend is off to a great start!  And I must say...I LOVE this running for fun gig!  I'm so happy not to be training for something specific right now.  Running for the pure joy of running is just what I need right now in this season of my life.  And that's just it, it's a season.  It won't be long before I'll be craving another goal race and I'll be printing off my training plans, visualizing goals, being conscious of bedtimes and race nutrition, etc.  Until then, bring on the fun running.  And it has been just that.  Fun.  Wonderful.  Freeing.  My focus has shifted from tempos, marathon pace runs, and endurance work to...
whatever
my
body and spirit
tell me that I
need.

I don't really log my mileage when I'm not training but if I really think about it, I'd say I've run a total of 50 miles since Boston.  Not per week.  Total.  How many weeks has that been?  Four?  Well, I took the first 2 weeks off completely and then I've worked my way back into running very very slowly.  My longest run has been a 10 miler just a few days ago but I'm mostly running between 4 to 6ish miles when I run.  I've been spending my time focusing on:

• Seeing a Chiropractor to get some things figured out with my spine/hips/feet
• Going to a Physical Therapist to strengthen my hips, glutes and get this quad healed up.  
• Running slow and easy (no speed)
• Strength...nothing too focused but definitely hip and glute work in addition to push ups, pull ups (I'm up to about 5 or 6 again...hope to do 8 to 10 by end of summer...10 proper pull ups), lunges, squats, dips, etc. etc.  
• Loving my body with where its at. I think women get better at this with age perhaps. I'm definitely up in weight compared to a year ago but I'm really embracing my fuller legs/buns that come with more hills and strength.  My jeans are tighter in the legs but I feel STRONG.  And my husband likes the extra curves so I'm hoping that some of that stays on as I increase mileage.  Unfortunately, the boobs are the FIRST to go as I increase my fitness level.  Oh well, I've come to find myself really embracing the small boobs these days too.  It goes with the whole package...strong, lean, fit, and flat.  Ha!  
• Being positive with myself and being open to trying new things....Like my first Trail Race next weekend.  I'm in no condition to seriously race a 30k trail race but I'm going to have fun and be prepared to run strong and happy and slow...oh, and I'll fully prepared to die!  Ha!  It's called the Cradle to the Grave 30k.  Excited!  It looks beautiful.  And I'll be able to wear my new Brooks PureGrit2s!  
• Running Hills.  I have no choice if I'm going to run outside in Asheville, NC. So much hillier than where I came from.  And I don't mind...I think these hills are going to help so much.  Beats the Treadmill (which I haven't trained on in what feels like FOREVER).  

Today was my first fun Asheville race.  My husband and I ran the Ramble Run 12k together.  Oh what a course!  Holy Hills.  Glad we weren't out to race race.  Considering my lack of training right now, I would have killed myself on those hills instead of have had fun on them like I did today!  

What a beautiful run!  Not only did I get to run with my best friend, but we had fun doing it.  The race offered free child care through the YMCA and then we picked the kids up to run their Kid Run.  So, the whole family raced.

I was pleasantly surprised to win 1st place in my AG.  I'll take it.  Glad most of the people ran the 5k.  I'm perfectly happy with a 7:48 average on a very hilly 12k course considering we were running close to 9:45 pace on those up hills.  It felt great to finish with a smile and talk a bit with my husband during the race.  Such a different feeling to run for fun as opposed to a time goal.  Gosh, I've missed running with him!

I raced in my Brooks PureCadence2s and my Brooks D'lite Micro Mesh Racerback Tank.  It has become my favorite tank to race in.  Super thin and light.  Perfect for warm weather when you don't want to just wear a sports bra.

Then I came home to find a box of more Mother's Day love!  My new pair of Brooks PureGrits2 and PureFlows for my 8 year old daughter.  Love sharing what I love with my kids.

It's a good day!  Happy Mother's Day Mamas!

Amanda 

A Taste of Asheville, North Carolina in Pictures

Sushi on the last night.  This sealed the deal.  

A city of ART and artists!  Even art under the bridges.  

First night in Asheville.  Enjoying one of Asheville's many local beers at the Sky Bar.  What a unique place with a fantastic view!

Of course I had my Nuun bottle.  I take hydration seriously (and spreading the loyal Nuun love).

This town definitely feels Nest-Like.  Perhaps we will nest here soon.  And this sign speaks for much of the city.  

A small part of a piece of art that I fell in love with.  Artist:  Kelly Rae Roberts

Loving Wall Street

Mellow Mushroom Pizza.  I think the beer might have had something to do with the fact that tofu and broccoli on a pizza was acceptable.  However, the anchovies would have been acceptable any day of the year! Amazing Pizza!

We ate here twice.  So healthy.  And really yummy!

This picture doesn't do the Blue Ridge Parkway justice.

Meeting up with Lindsay from www.chasingthekenyans.comat the Lexington Art Festival in Asheville, NC. After this experience, I can officially say that Asheville matches or beats Portland, Oregon in their boasts of being "WEIRD". Not quit

e sure what was going on behind us (or in general)...pretty sure it was some interpretive acting/ rolling around on the ground/ weirdness....perhaps acting out a scene of oppression? Hmmm. Lindsay and I had some ideas of what the message might have been. Pretty sure we should have thrown a dollar in their buggy since we got a pic of them....But by that time, we were blocked by some people on stilts wearing wigs and pink skirts. Good day to have blue tape on my legs....my flare of "weird".

Too warm during the day to wear my boots with my sundress so I rocked the blue KT TAPE to support my feet/help my Plantar Faciitis while exploring Asheville, NC. I was pretty sure I'd get a few looks or be mostly alone in my blue feet acce

ssory...hey, at least it matched my blue sports bra. But what do you know? On my way into a grocery store comes another runner who was sportin' her purple KT taped up achilles. #KTTapeKindredSpirits.  I found her just minutes after typing a message to a friend about feeling funny with blue tape on my legs.  But I said that even then I somehow felt like I fit well in Asheville.  

A hike in Dupont State Forest

I saw this sign everywhere.