Thank you for your heartfelt comments and outreach after my very personal last post, Resilience. I've felt so much love lately and it is amazing what a difference a few days makes. I smiled so big yesterday on several occasions and it felt glorious. Not just a smile but the kind of smile that comes from the very center of you and leaves you with no other choice but to let your face shine. It was the kind of smile that reminds us just how much lies within us and ahead of us in this life...or more importantly, just HOW MUCH GOOD is right here, right now...right in front of our nose...surrounding us, hugging us, waiting for us to just scoop it up and DANCE with it. So many things to find joy and love in. It can be hard to see when we have hurt hearts and deep feelings that seem to come from nowhere (but so obviously have a root), knock us on our backs and take our breath away. But it doesn't take long before we can see clearly again. Blue skies, perfect fall weather, and going on day 4 of running after a long break...oh, this just might have something to do with smiling too. Ha! Even the mild plantar faciitis, sore pelvic bone, and bruises from Graston therapy don't seem to bother me too much today. I'm still feeling lots of pain but I know healing is happening and I'm mostly just a bundle of gratitude and hope.
Many of you sent e-mails and comments that were so meaningful and just another sign that when we give of ourselves honestly as we come, we receive an equal amount of honesty and REAL. So thank you. I wanted to respond on here to just a few of the public comments that jumped out at me in particular since I haven't responded to any of them at all yet (how rude) and my response to them goes along with what I'd like to say today:
"You are so HONEST about it all. Not sure how you can let it all out and not be afraid of who is reading, or what others think."
Honest is the only way I know how to be right now. Or the only way I want to be. I spent too much of my life being afraid of saying what I really think...worrying about what others think, putting a filter on myself, etc. Now, it's honest and "here I am world..take me or leave me".... True...to myself and others. It is freeing and refreshing. Finding this in my life in my 30's has been the biggest gift in my life. The ability to share myself freely, be who I am without caring what others think (still work on this sometimes), tell my story as it comes and not care how much shame might be there (chances are that someone else has been there or is there or needs to hear our stories), and being true to myself has been a freedom like nothing else. As life goes on, I realize more and more just how short it is...too short to hold on to superficial. The friends in my life that I love...truly and deeply...will be friends and family that I will be able to be honest with...where I can share the REAL me, vulnerable and raw....as I come. And I want to be this way on my blog too. As I am...where I am at the time I write or speak or say "Hello" to someone. I have found that people will often be to us what we are to them and the more honest, open and real that I am, the more I attract that in my relationships. This is liberating really. And what I want. From friends, life, and experiences...honest, real, courageously true to who they are. However, I know that not everyone will want to or even need to be as open and vulnerable as I am sometimes...this is OKAY too...we all have different ways of being real and being true to ourselves. We are all so different and I value my true friends as they come to me. I accept those that I love as they are...not as I want myself to be.
"...a strength and a love for yourself ..."
Yes, if there is one love that I for sure have a really good hold on by now, it is the love I have for myself. Not in a "full of myself"/arrogant kind of way...but a love where I have patience, respect, and understanding of my own needs and the love that I need. I've spent so much of my life giving to myself in the way I NEED...comforting and protecting myself in ways that I didn't find elsewhere. I love my inner Amanda...the little girl, the woman, the teenager...all parts of myself...I love her fiercely and I take great comfort in the love that I can give to myself when I'm hurting.
"I have no idea what you are dealing with, but if you are looking to make a change, the grass isn't always greener. Sometimes it's better to fix, or make the current situation the best you can rather than change. You are strong and will make it through this stronger and wiser than before for sure. Hope you find peace through it all."
So true. Thank you for this comment...shows that you cared enough to say this. The situation I'm dealing with right now has to do with some very deep rooted feelings that stem way back to my childhood. It just happens that it took the pain of parting ways with a very dear person that has stirred up these feelings that I thought weren't such a big part of me anymore. Tricky how pain can bury itself. Perhaps it will always be there. I'll deal with it. It will pass. And in the long run, I'm thankful for this current situation that has opened up old wounds that haven't been entirely dealt with. Like I said, I'm stronger for it. Dealing with these things, living with the pain/acknowledging them...remembering them and then letting them go...will help me in all areas of my life...mother, wife, RUNNER, friend. The changes that are ahead of us with the possible move to Asheville, NC really don't have to do with running away or trying to find happiness somewhere else. I'm happy here. Truly happy despite this current stir of deep feelings. The pain in my heart right now will be with me wherever I go. Even after all of this, we are basing our decisions on so many things that don't have to do with grass is greener but more "Let's experience an adventure and see another part of the country while we have the opportunity." Life is so short. Doors have EASILY opened for us and so many signs point to YES. We'll be back in a year or two.
Running Training Running Training Injury Be GONE
As I've said, I've been running for 4 days in a row now. I feel so good compared to how I've felt the past few weeks. I'm not 100% so I need to remind myself to take it easy here as I get back in. So easy to want to settle in to a 7:50/8:00 pace for a 4 mile run but I know that it will be WISE of me to keep myself to easy running for a bit here and GRADUALLY build a base so I can start my Boston training SOLID and strong. This will require lots of things that I have a plan for. This will be for another post. Along with a plan for and information about:
- Current injury/recovering from injury
- Getting myself balanced with mind and spirit so it can transfer fully to my body
- Graston therapy yesterday...Woke up with bruises on my butt, hammy, and feet but I'm certain that it all helped me.
- Lots of treatment with my sports chiropractor, including a muscle imbalance test.
- News about the huge ball/knot looking lump in my right hamstring. The best way I can explain it is to say it is like a hernia in my hamstring. It will always be like that if it is what he thinks it is...a rupture of the hamstring fascia?? I think this is what he said...the casing of the hammy....I know, I am still trying to understand what he said so bear with me and don't quote me on it. Good news is that it shouldn't affect me too terribly much with my running. I might lose some power though. But hey, if I'm still running and it only looks ugly when I kick my foot back in an unnatural way then I'm okay with this.
- Thanks to my friend Stephanie, I've got some good exercises that I'll be doing to keep my hip area strong. I posted a video about it on facebook and I'll post it again here and then probably in my next post too since this is such a loaded post.
- For Boston training, I really want to make a point to do deep water running in the place of one of my recovery runs. This will still count as mileage but save so much of my body. I can and will make this happen.
Happy Thursday to YOU!
Amanda
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