Family Meeting: Getting Back on Track

It's no secret to anyone that the end of summer vacation usually results in a frazzled, short tempered, and ready-for-routine ME. It almost always takes me a few weeks of feeling crazy before I have to remind myself that feeling this way around this time of year is usually the way it goes.  Then add in a huge life change and a move across the country and these feelings are magnified, by um, a lot. It can make for one bag of feeling guilty for all the things I'm not doing, critical of myself and my kids, and a web of negative thinking.   One of the things that has always worked to help me reset and get back to focusing on what really matters and what I want most in life is to slow down with reflection.

Just the simple act of stopping myself in my tracks, taking a deep breath, clearing my head  and listing the things I AM doing well allows me to then focus on the small steps I can take to move forward and improve. This is especially true when I'm feeling out of control or especially critical of myself and my family.  Bad moods and negative energy are contagious--a domino effect--and if I don't put the breaks on and RESET, the whole family picks up on my energy.

Last night was our first night back from a long weekend away in Portland for Hood to Coast.  We were also making time for final good byes to my husband's work friends in Portland, saying hello to old neighbors and school friends, and visiting with family.  As much as I loved our weekend away, it was incredibly nice to be HOME!

Before bedtime, I called all the kids into my son's room for a last minute family meeting.  I have been meaning to implement this family meeting routine at least once a week but so far it has remained on my parenting wish list.  Last night was the night.  Forget planning or knowing what the meeting would be about.  I just needed to do it.  Once we were all sitting around Sam's bed, I knew we all needed a RESET.  It wasn't just me being grouchy and short tempered.  The kids had been fighting and having attitudes.  There was constant complaining and whining about having to do chores.  We were all just tired from our move and unraveling in a sea of BLAH and lack of direction and focus.

I remembered the cards I had placed on the wall a few days ago:

I grabbed two legos from Sam's lego bin and asked the family to take turns holding the legos and contributing to the conversation.  With the blue lego, I asked them to list something they were doing well and that they were proud of.  Then with the yellow lego, I asked them to list something they wanted to bet better at.

At first the kids came up with some funny things like:

Sam:  
Positives:  I'm good at being a Ninja.
Something I want to be better at:  My pull over on the ninja bars!

After a little bit of modeling and redirecting, all of us came up with things that related to our behavior and interaction with the family.  In the end, I think we all felt a new sense of focus and calm.  At least I did.  And I'm pretty sure they did too because today has been GREAT!  I could tell that all of us were conscious of our intentions and working on treating each other with love and respect.

I'm determined to have a family meeting at least once a week!  And for the first few meetings, I think this Lego Positives and Small Steps Forward exercise will be a great exercise.  Eventually we will add other things like compliments, sharing fears, highlights of our days, etc.  No matter what we do, I know this time together will be nothing but valuable in helping us grow as a family and as individuals.

Here's to more family meetings!

Have you tried family meetings?  
Do you set a time aside for the whole family to be together?  Dinner?  Family Movie Nights?  

Amanda

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My Life Smiles

I woke up the other day dreaming about a friend of mine back in Portland.  Gina.  She is one of the happiest people I know.  She just radiates a sense of peace.  Warm.  Friendly.  Loving.  I loved being around her.  I didn't see her very often except for the occasional book club but when I did see her, it made me smile.  And she was usually smiling.  With her whole self.  I felt safe with her.  She is one of those genuinely kind hearted people that sees the good in people and things. We were never that close but I think of her from time to time as a person that I admire.  In my dream, her words were so clear and meaningful. Loud and distinct.  They were the first words I "heard" when I was waking up to the day.  She said something along the lines of Smiling.  Smiling with your heart and looking for the things to smile about because when we SMILE and find those things to focus on, we get MORE of them. This made me smile right away.

Many things make me smile lately.  And the more I've been running consistently again, the more I find myself SMILING and feeling truly excited about life.  I came home from my run last night feeling so 

Strong

Alive

and 

FULL.  

Not to say that I'm not also feeling a bag of motherhood stress from the end of summer, life stress, personal bumps here and there...you know, all that "stuff" that comes with LIVING. Stuff worth working through.  Life isn't all roses and butterflies all the time.  But with running involved, life sure is more enjoyable.  Easier.  Running brings with it 

Hope

Dreams

A Bigger Sense of ourselves and the possibilities 

Calm 

Energy

and 

BIG SMILES.  

Today, I'm making a SMILE LIST.  So many things around my house and in my life that make me smile. Really SMILE.

My SMILE LIST:

• My husband.  So thankful for him.  Gosh, he's so patient with me.  Kind.  Loving.  Giving.  Marriage is work and a good marriage is FAR from perfect.  I see this more and more. After 10 years now, I'm realizing more than ever how easy it is to just "settle" and stop doing the little things that make a marriage strong.  I'm thankful for many chances to keep growing with this man.  I truly want my marriage to flourish...not just last.  But be the part of my life that I hold most dear.  Smiling at the opportunities, wake ups, and desires that I have to work here.  

• The Gift of Tin for our Ten Year Anniversary.  Not sure what I'll do with this special little card box but for now, I love it on my mantle.  It makes me smile.  

•  Finding notes of love like this on our family message board in our dining room.  

• Old Books.  Especially this old book.  I recently went into a bookstore with two of my dearest friends and as they chatted, I wandered through the unique rooms filled with shelves of old and used books.  Gosh, I LOVE bookstores. When I walked in the tucked away room full of art related books, I told myself that I just wanted to find a book that jumped out at me.  Then I found this old 1895 edition of What is Art by Leo Tolstoy.  It was all alone surrounded by newer books.  Just sitting there on a bottomish shelf waiting for me to find it.  And when I did, I instantly fell in love.  Not even that I wanted to read THIS book right away but I fell in love with the look, the feel, the smell, the way it was worn, the repaired pages, the underlining that tells a story in itself (I Love when I get a used book that has been underlined and written in).  Finding this book made my spirit light up. It made me smile. I do plan on reading it but for now, I am finding smiles and joy in just having it in my house, flipping through it, and wondering about the many stories that book can tell from over the years.  Thankful for the GIFT that it is.  

• Gifts of ART.  This one makes me especially smile because it makes me think of two friends that bring so much love to my life.  Thankful.  It reminds me that life is so much better with safe friends that accept you as you are, support you, listen to you, and love you even though they know about so many of your bags of crap.  True friends are such blessings. 

• These Girls.  What a treat it was to have them visit me for a Girl Weekend.  My husband packed up and took the kids camping and we were able to just "Be" together.  I have to say, they inspire me on so many levels... running (they are fast), marriage, learning, career.  Just love them.  They make me SMILE.  

• Beautiful places to run.  I've had many of these moments this summer.  Alone and with friends.  This Smile of a Run was in the White Mountains of New Hampshire but there are lots of runs like this around here.  Nothing quite like getting lost in the beauty of a run.  

• Of course this image that I shared yesterday.  How can it not make me smile?!

•  Summer Mornings where we all start our day with reading for 30 minutes.  Big SMILES when this actually happens with all of us at the same time.  

• Boggle.  I've just started playing this game in the last month or so.  The first time I played it, I got my butt kicked!  It was so hard for me to get my brain thinking in the Boggle way but now I can't get enough of it.  My husband has been humoring me and playing it with me almost every night. This weekend we had some alone time and we played it for much of the day.  So far, I beat him most of the time.  But let's not talk about what happens when we play Cribbage together.  He's the Number man and I'm the one who loves words. 

He may or may not be wordlessly expressing some frustration at not winning here.  Ha!

Other smiles:

• Reading
• Sunshine
• School Starting next week.  Hello Routine!  
• Having a nature park right by our house that we can walk to in a few short minutes
• Living downtown in a cute little town
• That we never stay the same but are always growing and moving on to the next stages of our lives.  
• A November Marathon (a gift from Brooks) to run for Fun and Travel. Still making final plans here.  More on this soon.   
• Adirondacks Ragnar relay coming up in September.  I've got my tickets booked to Boston, plans to drive to the start of the relay with friends, and then a day with my friend AM after the relay as I recharge.  Yay!
• Kids writing letters to family so that I get writing time too.  
• A healthy body.  
• Getting a text message from my husband this morning telling me that he NAILED his hard run this morning!  On track for his September Marathon!  So proud of him.  So glad we can share in this sport as something we both love to do.  

I plan on continuing my Life Smile List this week  here.  I like the idea of taking snapshots of things that make me smile.  Some of you might get sick of my #lifesmiles photos but they make me smile so hopefully some of them will make you smile too. 

What are some of your Life Smiles right now?