Showing posts with label personal growth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal growth. Show all posts

Thursday, August 9, 2012

In the Meantime...Reflections on Change, Parenting, and Life.


The clock is ticking.  Well, it is always ticking.  But I can actually HEAR it.  Quiet house.  Sleeping kids.  Still morning.  And despite the grey Portland skies that I've come to just  expect these days (even in summer) and the sore throat and hurt ear I woke up with (immune system down down down), I'm feeling content and happy to have this time.  Just 
ME
Coffee
Summer Song of Birds outside my french doors
and
Time to REFLECT.

Life is always better when I have this time. I start my day a more grounded person.  I'm a more patient mother.  My head ends up being clearer so that I can focus on the little people around me with intention and sincere interest.  I'm overall just MORE PRESENT in my life. Not sure why I still haven't forced myself to be an early morning person so that I can have this time every day. Note to self.  But I guess I love my sleep way too much so I usually find myself starting my days with the wild rumble of a 
THREE YEAR OLD BOY!  
Enough said.  At least for my three year old boy.  Pretty sure this is the year that I start going grey. 

I'm finding myself in that in-between place that we come to at various times in our life.  I feel like I'm almost at a big transition in life...the next chapter...a new book even.  "The Meantime".   I've never been good with this time.  It forces me to slow down and just wait.  It forces me to be present in the moment and trust that things will unfold just as they are supposed to.  And more than anything, I'm led to do some mental work...reflection, goal setting, and self work while I wait for things to happen. This is the waiting phase before the next big wave of change comes.  These times in life are such blessings, really.  So beneficial to growth so I'm rolling with it.  Even if I do feel impatient and frustrated at not having a PLAN set in STONE.  I'm practicing patience and stillness.  Listening to what life has to teach me.  

So....
In the Meantime....

Some Bullets, Goals and Randoms:


  • This has been a great summer with my kids.  Despite the normal sibling fights and whining, it has been such a nice time in life.  However, towards the end here, I do find myself going into "zone out mommy mode".  My goal for today is to really try to be more plugged in to THEM and not other things...phone, computer, other people, plans, etc. 
  • I'm not a huge yeller but I'll admit, I do lose my patience with my kids and end up responding with a yell, growl, irritated look, etc.  I wouldn't like it if this was how others responded to me when I screw up.  So, I'm really making it a huge goal to just take that extra deep breath and count before I respond to my kids when they are misbehaving.  I'm the teacher here.  I model behavior for them.  Gosh, so hard to get this one down.  If I act like a tantruming brat...they will too.  
  • Husband and I planning a trip to Asheville, NC.  Really excited to check this place out.  And it just might have something to do with the next big change in our lives.  We'll see when we visit.  
  • Change.  Change-up in life can be such a healthy thing for us if it is for the right reasons.  Getting out of our comfort zones, stretching ourselves to do things that we once feared, taking steps to making our dreams come true even when it is so damn scary, making new friends, traveling to new places, starting new jobs....These things almost always make us a better US. They allow us to grow in new ways and experience FRESH life-soil that keeps us thriving. Most of the time, I believe that when we are ready for change, the changes will come naturally. Things will just unfold and it won't seem forced.  It is up to us to be open to allowing things to happen when it is right. The past few years have been wonderful.  I've enjoyed my home, neighborhood, job as a SAHM, etc.  I've been so content and happy. I haven't felt the need to have too many changes in my life but rather to really embrace just where I have been. And I'm still happy and loving my life.  But I'm ready for something fresh. It's almost like I'm a plant ready for a new pot...I've grown wonderfully in the pot/soil that I've been in and our whole family has thrived!  And now, it is clear to me in so many ways, that I'm ready for some new soil...a different life-pot perhaps.  We all are.  I'm not entirely sure what this new pot will mean for my life.  Maybe it is just a new volunteer opportunity or training for another big race.  Travel?  A move?  A writing opportunity?  At this point, I'm pretty sure we are ready to make a big move for a year or two.  We are ready to go some place new to us and spread our wings a bit.  I think this time away will help us grow as a family and give us time to reflect on what we really want for our family when it comes to settling in a home for the long haul (until kids grow up).  A temporary move might give us that "step-back" time to make some big decisions about where we want to be when we return to Oregon...neighborhood, type of living (rural, suburban, urban....),etc.  Our kids are still young and open to adventure so this works in our favor.  And our close friends and family are fully behind us with love and support.  Even jobs are lining up perfectly.  So, all signs point to change....now, for the meantime.  It will be interesting to see what this next school year holds as we approach a possible move.  What a great time to truly pour myself into making this one of the most memorable years we've had in this house...for myself, my husband and my children.  
So many other things on my mind that I could write about this morning.  But time is up.  I'll end with sharing this picture/quote by one of my favorite authors, Roald Dahl.  This was shared on the Teaching Children Meditation facebook site.  Always love what they share.  






Happy Thursday,
Amanda 

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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

If I Knew Then...

Note:  I originally posted this hours ago but then took it off, posted it again, took it off, posted again and then finally took it off.  I guess I just felt silly, dramatic and vulnerable in a way.  Sharing something about my hurt hamstring, something so important to me but something that probably seems so small to others, made me feel embarrassed or protective over my feelings.  But then my friend Jenn, from Running Sane e-mailed and asked me about it and she really seemed to understand.  I figure, if the post resonated with her then I'm sure there are others out there that will be able to relate too.  I guess part of a good blog is writing raw and being real...saying the things from my heart and not just the things that will make the masses happy.  At least that is what I want my blog to be.  So, here's my post back with a few things taken out.  This is important to me.  


If I knew then what I know now....


I would be back on the day I tripped in the forest at mile 9.  The moment that that I felt myself falling, 
and landing in splits,
hearing the pop and rip of my hamstring.  
Tears falling. 


and I would tell myself to


Stop. 
Be Still.
Surrender.
Do Not Fight what is!


If I knew then what I know now...


I wouldn't have waited hours to ice.  
I wouldn't have continued to try to keep running and pushing it too hard on the bike and elliptical for fear of losing all I had worked for.  
I wouldn't have ignored the pain. 
I would have taken it seriously.
Nurturing it with love and care.
My leg.
My means to do something I love so very much.   


And when I saw my 
    car
rolling
    in the 
Parking Lot,
I would have let it roll on.
I would have screamed for help from someone else
instead 
Of 
thinking I was superwoman
and
sprinting towards it and pushing against it with 
all of my weight...further damaging the part of my hamstring below where it was taped up.


If I knew then what I know now...


I never would have continued to try to run before I was fully healed.  Trying to lift my leg when all it would do is drag along with me.  I never would have tried to wrap it up tight so that I could move in ways that I shouldn't have been moving to begin with.  I would have taken the tears running down my cheeks as a sign that I needed 
To Stop
Be Still
Surrender
Wait.    


I didn't know then what I know now.  We never do.  This is one of the beautiful parts of life and how we learn and grow wiser with age!  



What I'm glad I do know is this: 
*  I'm thankful for my injury and what I've learned from it.  
*  Injury and difficult experiences can make us come out more determined and stronger than ever
*  Don't ever take your gifts for granted...you never know how much of life you have to use them!
*  Find a lesson to take from each moment and experience you go through in life.
*  Life is short.  We never know when the things we love, our health, the things we take for granted can be taken from us.  Make every day count.
*  Dream Big.  Even if your dreams seem small in comparison to others.  Dream big for you! What one person considers small or of little interest, is treasure to someone else.  
* Don't compare yourself to others...Be the best YOU you can be.  


What I'm struggling with today:
*  The lower part of my hamstring (by my knee) is hurting me again.  I'm not quite sure how serious it is but I know I need to learn from the past and STOP. Be Still.  Be Patient.  Nurture.  Heal.  
*  Why is it so hard to do this?  Why is it so hard to give up weeks of speed work and important workouts? Even when I know this is the smart choice.  
*  I'm finally at a place where going out and running 7 minute miles feels good and I'm having fun with hit. Even running sub 7 min miles is feeling good.   
*  I'm scared of losing this...losing my goals, my training, not ever having my leg back 100%.  
* I'm also struggling with why I'm having such a hard time with this...it seems so trivial in comparison to all the many deeper issues in life.  I almost feel bad for feeling so bummed about something like having to take a week or two off of training (maybe longer) when I have so many blessings....so many....a healthy happy family, very little to worry about!  I'm alive, healthy, happy, able to stay home with my children....so why am I so bummed about this?  I am.  That's my reality.  Even if it does seem silly and pathetic to others.  I need to validate and respect these feelings because I am my most important advocate and caretaker of ME.  


What I'm telling myself now:
*  Be Still
*  Practice Patience
* REST
*  Take days off even if it means losing some ground.  
*  Love my hamstring
*  Have a heart of gratitude, love, and happiness...this will go a long way in healing.  
*  Stay focused on my goals and let this make me stronger and more determined.  


1.  We all have lessons in life that we have to learn for ourselves.  We've all had times where we just don't listen to the good advice given by others.  I did this with my hamstring injury.  Not because I didn't think that what they were saying was wise.  I just didn't listen.  I couldn't at the time.  I had to learn for myself.  Can you think of a time in your life that you didn't listen to good advice from others and you had to learn the hard way?  


2. What are some things in your life that were hard, painful, or depressing to go through but that you are thankful for now because of the wisdom and growth you've gained from the experience?  

Amanda