Mirror of Erised: What Would You See?

"The Mirror of Erised is an ancient, ornate mirror. It has clawed feet and a gold frame inscribed with the phrase " Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi." The mirror shows the most desperate desire of a person's heart, a vision that has been known to drive men mad."

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that."

—Albus Dumbledore, when he discovers that Harry has been using the Mirror. (source)

Harry Potter.  Even after ten years of teaching elementary school and having many a student who was a fan, I still hadn't read the Harry Potter books until last summer.  Not being one who cares too much about the fantasy genre, I just never quite caught the Harry Potter bug. But last summer my girls went from disliking bedtime to begging for bedtime early just so that they could get extra read aloud time from Harry Potter.  They were so. into. it!  And when I stopped reading for the night, there was almost always an "AWW, MOM!  Just a little more?!" chorus that filled our house.  So, thank you J.K Rowling.  You gave my kids a new level of passion for books and an added layer to their huge imaginations.  A walk through the forest last summer wasn't just about nature anymore....it was an opportunity to shop for wands and find the perfect stick to use for their Quidditch broom stick.  There was magic around every corner and possibility in every moment.

My kids weren't the only ones entertained by Harry Potter.  There were many parts in the story that had me intrigued or entertained too!  I recall one chapter in particular that has stuck with me:   The Mirror of Erised.  Those of you that haven't read the story, the Mirror of Erised is a mirror that Harry finds by accident one night. Erised is DESIRE spelled backwards. Dumbledore explains that the Mirror of Erised shows the "deepest and most desperate desire of our hearts" and it reveals neither truth nor knowledge.  When Harry looks into it, he sees his parents (who both died when he was a baby) and family he had never known smiling at him with love.  When he sees them, it is as if they are really there surrounding him. He is so deeply drawn to this mirror night after night.  It's all he can think of and he can't wait to get back to it again and again.

"And there were his mother and father smiling at him again, and one of his grandfathers nodding happily. Harry sank down to sit on the floor in front of the mirror. There was nothing to stop him from staying here all night with his family. Nothing at all.” 

Harry does this until one night Dumbledore tells him that he is going to move the mirror and he didn't want Harry going to look for it.  He explained that he had seen many a person get lost or go crazy with that mirror. They spend so much time staring at the mirage of what their hearts most long for in life that they miss out on their REAL life. Dumbledore's words:

"It shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts. You, who have never known your family, see them standing around you. Ronald Weasley, who has always been overshadowed by his brothers, sees himself standing alone, the best of all of them. However, this mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth. Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible....It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

I related to Harry a bit in this part of the story.  For most of my life, the deepest and most desperate desires of my heart would stem from having my dad die when I was four. If I looked into the Mirror of Erised as a child, I would have seen him or the idea of him.  I can remember when my each of my kids had just turned four and thinking back to what I must have been like at the same age before my dad died.  I saw how deeply they adored their dad (still do) but more than that: how much he adored them. Such an incredible relationship--then and now.  Although it made (makes) me so incredibly happy and grateful to see this loving and lasting bond between my kids and their dad, for a long time, I'd feel that dull ache from my childhood desires.  It used be embarrassing to admit, but I spent much of my life longing for this kind of adoration, love and comfort that I lost with my dad dying. At the same time, I'd feel like I somehow didn't have the right to miss or ache for something I could hardly remember and that many in the world never had. This deepest desire sometimes felt like a missing piece to my heart and kept me from living whole heartedly.  Staring into my Mirror of Erised--dwelling on an idea of something I never knew-- held me back and almost left me looking too much into other people, achievements, or cirumstances for what was within and around me all along: Love and Worthiness. It took me years to hide the mirror and start living with and owning the message of :  You are enough just as you are.  

Since reading this chapter in Harry Potter, I've often thought of what I would see if I found a real Mirror of Erised today.  What would be my heart's deepest desire? Would I just see myself as I am right now like the happiest people that found the Mirror of Erised?  If I looked into the mirror today...this moment.. I think yes, yes for the most part, I would see my right now as I am and the steps just ahead of me. Overall, I'm happy.  Life is good.  Most things are on track and moving along in amazing ways!  However, I don't think we always see the same thing because our life is continually changing.  We aren't always in the happiest of times.  And there are definitely desires, "pulls", or old longings that are stronger than others and hard to shake.  They creep up at the most unexpected times.

I'm pretty sure we all have something at our core that pulls at us.  Our hearts most deepest and desperate desires.  Maybe these desires are things we will never have (and not good for us anyway), maybe we are living them now, and maybe they will be fulfilled in some unexpected form later down the road if we remember to be present and intentional with our life NOW and not "dwell on dreams and forget to live" 

*  What would you see if you looked into the Mirror of Erised (the most desperate desire of your heart)? What would you have seen five years ago?  Power? Love?  Freedom? Closeness to God or spirituality?  Success? Family?  I'm sure for most of you, this might be too personal to share. I mean, the deepest and most desperate desires of our hearts?  Might not be something you're going to throw out in a blog comment...ha!  I didn't go into detail of what I would have seen if I saw something other than my life now. Again, if I looked in that mirror today, I'd hope to see just what I am right now...staring back at me. For the most part, I think I would.  But I have a hunch I'm still not 100% to that point... Happy, yes.  But if I'm honest, I know there are some loose heart strings still there.

Amanda

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Letting Go of Guilt, Replacing it With Positive Self Talk and Love, and Helping Our Kids Learn the Same

A lot has changed since I first started this blog in late 2010.  Lots. Races trained for. Travel. Motherhood milestones. Lessons learned. Love gained. And so much more. As I look back, I see a very different ME. A version of myself that carried a much heavier bag of everything: expectations, fear, fearlessness, immediate goals for improvement, invincibility, and that big ugly G word: GUILT. 

Gosh, I had a lot of motherhood guilt back then. Wooo wee, I'm so glad I've let some of that go! Amazing what a difference three years can make. Don't get me wrong, I still have high expectations. I still have goals and dreams.  And I still have a fair dose of guilt that creeps in and clouds my vision of all the really great and positive things I'm doing as mother, friend, wife... that voice that comes out at the end of the day to remind me of all the things I forgot to do or messed up with, leaving me feeling like I'm not enough. The voice that says things like:

• You yelled too much.
• You could have reacted to that meltdown differently.  Or not reacted at all.
• You forgot to read with your middle child.
• Did you remember to do that project with _______ like you promised?  
• You didn't say YES to anything today.  
• You forgot to....
• Gosh, I think you nagged more than talked normally today. 

When I look back on the self I was just a few years ago, I'm mixed with feelings of wanting to hug myself and take away the pressure and hurt I was filled with and wanting to slap myself around and tell myself to stop being so overly sensitive and dramatic. What a process we go through in life as we learn and change.  Thank goodness we get to learn and move on, right?!  But, no matter where we are in life, we are where we need to be. 

I'll always have things I'd like to improve upon. Setting goals and making reflection part of my life habits are here to stay. However, I no longer let guilt linger for too long. I don't go to bed every single night beating myself over the head with a long list of all the ways I feel like I failed.  Instead of swimming in a muck of guilt and feeling of failure, I take note of the things I'd like to improve on for the next day and I make a point to do just that. I'm easier on myself: more love and grace. With every thought of something I feel like I kind of messed up with, I tell myself something I did well that day.  I give myself lots of positives and acknowledge the GOOD STUFF that I AM DOING RIGHT!  This is perhaps one of the greatest lessons I've learned since starting this blog.  I'm finally able to do so much more of the stuff that I've written about in regards to helping our children do for themselves: positive self talk and self love.

As much as I see a very different person when I read back over some of my past posts, I I've also been reminded of some pretty important lessons or ideas that I find helpful now.  One particular post on Helping Our Children Love Themselves written in December 2011 was written after what was then a very difficult experience for me as a young mother. It was the first time I had to deal with something and I was extra sensitive (as mothers often are with their first borns). I was definitely harder on myself than I would be now but it led to some good family lessons. I forgot that we even used to do family meetings with compliments and "bucket filling"...this was a long time ago!  But I'm thankful for the reminder and I hope to try some of these things again in working to help my children (and myself) with positive self talk and love.  

Reading this post again made me aware that in addition to going easier on ourselves and, there are so many things that we can be doing for our kids that can help them do the same for themselves. Self love and positive talk is perhaps one of the greatest things we can teach them. Some highlights from this post:

"After doing some repairing of feelings by assuring my daughter that she is wonderful and great despite the mistakes she makes, we had a brief talk about the power of self talk.  I used the bucket metaphor which isn't anything new and certainly not all my idea.  Lots of teachers and therapists use it.  Basically, I explained:

• When you say bad things about yourself like "I can't.  I'm no good.  I hate myself.  Nobody likes me.  I'm stupid...." you are filling your heart bucket up with gross, smelly black stuff that you don't want to be around.  Nobody else wants to be around it either and before you know it, it is so stinky and heavy and black that your heart is heavy and sad and you feel awful about yourself. And when you say these things to others, you are taking away from their buckets or filling them with YUCK. 
• When you love yourself and fill your brain with positive thoughts like "I love me.  I am beautiful.  I am smart.  People love me.  I CAN DO THIS!  I am kind.  I am loving.  I am a good friend." these things will BE!  You are filling your heart bucket up with brilliant color and love and beauty.  You want more of it and you will feel good.  Others can sense this positive self worth too and when you think thought of love and positivity, you are a person that others feel good around.  
• You ARE WORTHY of LOVE.  Even when you make bad choices. We all make bad choices sometimes.  WE need to love ourselves and others and just keep picking ourselves back up and trying to improve on the things we can control.

Some things I learned from this experience:

• Kids need to feel safe sharing things with us or they will bottle things up and this will cause them stress.  It depends on the kid of course.  Some, like my oldest daughter, are more private than others.
• I'm definitely harder on my oldest than I think I will be on my younger two.  I think this is normal.  My standards are pretty high and I can sometimes be too hard on  her.  If I'm not careful, I'm just one big nag of a mom and she can end up feeling like she can do nothing right. These feelings can stay for a long time.  
• Every difficult situation we work through with our children is a learning opportunity.  I'm thankful for some conflict and difficult times NOW because it will only help make them stronger for LATER.  
• You can never overdo it when telling your kids that you love them.  
• It is so important to find moments to praise our children and catch them in their efforts and hard work.  I try not to praise them as a person but more so their choices and actions.  Instead of saying "You're such a good girl or a good boy", I say things like "I really love the way you folded your clothes! Thank you".  I don't want them to judge their self worth off of how good they are.  I want them to always feel worthy of love and feel self confident even when they do make bad choices.  This is tricky. I'm probably not making sense here as I am typing rather quickly and my time is running out.  
• Positive self talk is SO IMPORTANT for all of us.  Athletes, mothers, children, self.  So much power in how we talk about our self.  I am smart, I am beautiful, I am a good friend, I am worthy of love, I am a child of God, I am funny, I am fast....these things are so POWERFUL in BEING what we want to be.  I can't stress this enough for my children.  We've really been working on saying these things before we go to sleep at night." 

Last night when I went to bed, I did my usual reflection of the day.  But unlike the ME from the past, I was able to simply look at the things I did well and think of the things I wanted to be better at the next day.  So much more self love and grace these days!  And because of that, I'm not quite as hard on my kids. I'm better at modeling love and positive talk for them since I'm better at doing it for myself.  We've all benefited from this.  However, I think this is always something to keep working on. I think tonight we will have a family meeting with compliments and imaginary bucket filling!  

Here's to growing!  

Amanda

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Loaded Post: Life Realizations, Random Facial Hair, and Intentions on a Gift of a Friday

It's a boots, long socks, dress, sunshine, crisp fall kind of day! Love my Keen Bern Baby Bern Boots!

Hello Beautiful Day! I'm not sure a day could get much prettier. On all levels.  A Friday with blue skies, a fall crispness, positive energy, warm sunshine, flowing inspiration, seemingly endless patience and strong running legs.  A day of "I've Got This!" and "Wow, so many possibilities!"  I like this feeling.

It was one of the first days in a long time where I've had to grab a pen and notebook to keep up with and capture all my flowing thoughts.  Good thoughts.  Ideas.  Inspiration.  Small steps to take to get to where I'm going.  But first thing was first... I needed to get a to-do list going for my morning before I could act on any of the other things:

1. Tweeze the heck out of my eye brows.
2. Wax my upper lip.
3. Pluck random 2 or 3 chin and face hairs.  

Okay, so this wasn't on my to-do list but it should have been.  I mean, good grief!  Nobody told me that once I start getting closer to my mid 30's, I'd honestly be able use the phrase "Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin." No, I'm not talking beard by any means but I really hope that these random hairs that I keep finding are as bad as it gets.  Someone tell me I'm not turning into a man. Ha! And if you're a true blonde, yeah yeah, you just don't understand.  And if you're my husband, you're embarrassed that I just wrote any of this because he is convinced that most women don't have to tweeze, pluck or wax...it's clearly just me.  What? Seriously honey? You really think I'm the only woman that buys the random box of lip wax/bleach?  Or has tweezers as her favorite beauty tool?  Nope.

Some real goals today:

1. Kick some ass today. Period. 
2. Be intentional about patience and self control when responding to kids.  
3. Be intentional about the positive messages I'm sending to my kids (especially my son who is dealing with some strong emotions lately).  I specifically want to model for him:  Self love and compassion, facing fears, and dealing with anger in ways that are helpful not harmful.  
4. Order some more parenting books and do a more research/reading on teaching kids emotional intelligence.  
5. Run.  
6. Continue to get involved with volunteer opportunities.  
7. Do the Jewel Fairy Dance for my kids. The Halloween Jewel Fairy is supposed to deliver some Halloween jewels today.

It wasn't hard to make today great.  I woke up happy and in love with where I'm at and the people in my life.  I had every intention of making great things happen today and I was excited to make it happen.  And gosh, when I'm feeling this way and making efforts to change things for the better, my entire family follows.  We all benefit.

Some things I realized today as I stepped back and looked at my life with such contentment and joy: 

• Sometimes things get harder before they get easier.
• The little things really do add up to big things!  Start with something small today.  It makes the big picture look a little less scary.  
• Thanks for this quote Women's Running Magazine:  "Challenges are what makes life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful." --Joshua J. Marine
• Letting go of fear and embracing vulnerability is a real freaking big deal, it truly means something to me, and it isn't easy these days but gosh, life is better this way.
• When one door closes, another almost always OPENS.  Or many.  
• The things that matter most to us are sometimes the things we tend to take for granted and work the least on.
• Some pains, heartaches, and deep rooted longings will always be a part of us and that's okay.  They makes us who we are.  Acknowledging and accepting them, practicing lots of self love, and looking forward to the possibilities are key here.  
• We all have a story to tell that will make a difference to someone else.  Tell your story. 
• We don't have to do it all at once. Start small.  I know I said it again but this one is huge for me right now.  What's the worst that can happen?  We apply for something, reach out to someone, send an e-mail, make a connection, sign up for a new opportunity...these things almost always lead to something new...they get things in motion and start making our dreams a reality.  Thankful for a good friend who reminded me of this recently (thanks AM). 
• Sometimes it takes letting go of something we love because we love something else more. Life is full of decisions.  What matters most? 
• We never really lose ourselves.  Sometimes it feels like it.  But really, we are finding new parts of us that we didn't know we had.  
• I'm so glad to be who I am right now and wouldn't go back to who I was one, two, three or any years ago...not for all the money in the world.  This is a good place to be.  I know that life will only continue to bring layers of wisdom, love, lessons.... Bring it! Change is good even if the process of stretching is painful at times.  
• I am so incredibly thankful for the love of my life and best friend who is willing to continually grow and learn with me.  And love me unconditionally.  He's my rocking chair partner when I'm in my 100's sitting by a fire and thinking about the many happy years we've had together. Couldn't have chosen a better partner to share love and life with.  And raise these beautiful kids of ours! 
• I love living in Asheville.  More than any other place I've ever lived before (Oregon, Colorado, Iowa).  But family is important and unfortunately they live on the west coast.  Leaving in July to go back to Portland will be bittersweet.  For now, I intend on soaking up every last bit of this place I am so in love with.  
•  Woooo Weee Parenting is never a dull moment!
• We get back what we put into things.  Especially when it comes to LOVE.
• I may keep my circle of closest friends small but Wow, I have some pretty special people in my life.  Some friends that don't come around too often.  I feel blessed beyond measure here.  Two of my closest friends are actually women I originally met through the running blog world several years ago.  Our friendship eventually turned to e-mail and now I enjoy visiting them as often as I can. They've come to be beyond special.  This is just another message to me in the value of putting ourselves out there.  And the truth in things unfolding as they are meant to unfold.  
• Raising kids is the most challenging, beautiful, rewarding, and joyful experience of my life.  
• Running.  What a gift!  It's been a constant in my life for over 20 years now.  That's pretty incredible if I really think about it.  It's provided joy, drive, focus, therapy, calm, spiritual connection and clarity, moments of reflection and processing.... oh SO MUCH.  Forever THANKFUL for the gift of RUNNING!  
• We are LOVED. To love and be loved...isn't this the greatest gift we have?    

What a perfectly wonderful message from the universe for this little boy on this beautiful morning: "You are LOVED!" I love that my 4 year old noticed this "heart" on the walk into preschool, a sign clearly meant for him! What a gift of a day! #love

More on this later, but I'm excited to have been chosen to be an Ambassador for the Asheville Marathon at Biltmore Estates (I've written about this most beautiful and historical place before). Last year was the first year for this destination marathon and it sold out three weeks early.  I have no doubts it will sell out fast again and I hope that some of you will think about adding it for a spring marathon.  I'd love to get a group together to meet up that weekend! I plan on using it as a training run for Boston.  Your can read about it and register by clicking the button on the top right hand corner of my blog. Let me know if you're thinking of it and I can answer questions.   

Amanda 

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New Year Thoughts and Making Resolutions or Goals That Stick

It's 2013.  I'm already loving this year and I couldn't be happier for a fresh start.  Funny how we are with new years.  As if we somehow get a reset on life when really it is just another day after the days before.  I think that's why there are many people out there that are so anti-resolutions.  But I say, hey, whatever works to give us a fresh perspective on our life.  Yes, we make goals throughout the year and we can always make changes in our world but there is something about the new year, the fresh calendar, the month of January that just says CLEAN SLATE! And what's the harm in setting resolutions anyway?  Even if we don't end up keeping all of them.  At least we are working towards something...trying to make positive changes and be proactive, right?  Goals...resolutions...same thing to me.

So, how can we make resolutions that stick?  Lasting ones?  Ones that we can have success with so that we don't find ourselves fizzling out 2 weeks down the road of 2013? 

• Keep it simple. Don't set resolutions and goals that are so big you burn out the first week.
• Start small. Baby steps.  Don't expect things to just happen overnight.  
• Make your goals meaningful to you.  Your goals don't have to be popular or trendy or even accepted by anyone other than YOU. 
• Celebrate success no matter how small it is.
• Love ourselves along the way and expect to hit some walls...anything worth working towards is worth pushing past the sticky spots.  It won't all be smooth sailing ahead.  As with anything in life, there will be the moving ahead, the staying still, and the taking a few steps back.  
• Enjoy the process.  By all means, have fun!  Let's not take ourselves so seriously...let's remember to enjoy the ride.  

Some brief thoughts for myself for 2013:

• Love More
• Judge less
• Laugh often
• Let things go so that I can fully enjoy the present moments
• Be open to change
• Live my life the way I would want my "life story" to be read
• Get rid of guilt...it is worthless
• Face Fear head on 
• Enjoy the process
• Keep running fun and remember why I do it...to stay healthy, connect with my best self, and stay goal driven in all areas of my life
• Model love, forgiveness, acceptance for my kids
• Be the kind of friend I want my friends to be to me

And some of my morning reflections over coffee:

In remembering to have the same love, grace and patience for ourselves as we do for the people that mean the most to us, we might need to take a step back and see things from another angle.  Chances are, if we are too hard on ourselves, it is likely that we are equally as hard on those we love most.  Let's take some pressure off in 2013...embrace a little more grace, love, and the imperfections that lead to learning.  

What are some simple goals, resolutions or things you want to focus on for the new year?  

What will you do this year to love yourself more fully?  

How will you go easier on YOU and still push yourself to be the best YOU you can be?  For me, this is easy...stop with the guilt over everything I'm not doing and CELEBRATE the things I am doing!

Happy 2013! 

Amanda 

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