Day 10. Project Begin Again.

I bought two of the best little books yesterday:  How to Relax and How to Love....both filled with snippets of wisdom (meditations of sorts) by Thich Nhat Hahn.  These books are seriously awesome!  Would make great gifts!

I'll start day 10's post with daily gratitude and intentions.  

Again, here  in link is the post that began Project Begin Again.  And below are the guidelines I keep in every post.  

So, here's how this will go. 

1. I will write something on here every day for 38 days because that is how many days until my 50k.  
 
2. I will keep in simple!!! Some days will consist of three sentences if that's all I have.   
3. I will write for me.  
4. I will try very hard NOT to compare my old Runninghood self to the Amanda typing today.  
5. I will keep my posts to daily gratitude, intentions and.... because how can we not feel sad, heavy hearted and powerless at so much happening in our world...I will include at least one small way I can or have done something to make the world a better place (this can be as simple and powerful as helping my child learn a lesson about love and kindness).  
6. Why am I doing this?  To Begin Again.  Just as with training for a marathon when we put in our daily workouts, I want to get into the habit of focusing on the things that make me happy and my intentions for making my life what I want. Writing helps me with this.  

Day 10:

Intentions: 

• Celebrate progress.  I think all too often I get so caught up in the things I want to do to be better than I forget to notice the stuff I'm already doing so well.  
• Go easier on myself and others.  
• Keep allowing my heart to be heard and to let myself feel the emotions that come up.  We are complicated beings and it would be boring to only feel happy all the time.  I'm glad I have a mix of feelings... anger, sadness, elation, calm, happiness, etc.  
• Continue to work on daily time for mindfulness and meditation.  I don't think this needs to be in stillness.  So often, this comes through trail running.  A moving meditation.  

Gratitude:

• 21 trail miles today!   SLOW!  So many hours on my feet!  
• My mom came to visit the last few days on her way back from California.  Such a special visit. Yesterday, we hopped around Bend going from bookshops to boutiques to cafes.  It was so cool to see my city from a tourists perspective.  So much I still haven't seen.  Definitely a reason my heart is sad...to have my mom leave.  I know she is only 3.5-4 hours away but still... 
• During my mom's visit, we found a perfect frame for a piece of art she painted in 2010.  A special story here... I posted and wrote about it on Instagram.  

How have I, or can I continue to play even a small part in making the world a better place (Be the Change):  

• BE REAL.  Be TRUE.  

I find it funny that yesterday I bought a little book called How to Relax--a book filled with wise words from world renowned zen teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh (see photo at top).  A book about relaxing and calm.  And today, even after completing a 21 mile trail run (which usually would mean I'd be noodle-like-relaxed), I have been anything but relaxed (expect while on run). More like stressed to the max and emotional emotional emotional since picking my kids up from school.  I might have cried more in the last three hours than perhaps I have in the last four months.  Over little things... my kids arguing with me, sibling spats in the grocery store after school, the husband telling me he would be home late... little things that felt so BIG.  Honestly, I think these tears have been a mix of being so exhausted from running so many hours on the trails (I can't even wrap my head around what my 50k on much harder trails is going to feel like), not having much energy to actually be on as MOM after school, knowing I'm leaving by myself to go on a trip for several days (very happy about the trip but have lots to do to get ready), my mom leaving to go back home after such a nice visit, and from having an emotional release of sorts from my long run.  Some of you might know what I'm talking about here with the emotional release.  Think of a time you've done yoga or had a massage... one where your hips are really opened up and you reach a state of deep relaxation... many people claim to experience an emotional release afterwards.  A release that often comes with tears. At least for me.  I can think of several times where I go to my car after yoga and start crying for no good reason.  I think my trail run today did something similar to me.... unblocked some of my chakras big time!  :)  But it's been more than that. My heart just felt sad today.   My sadness mixed with the exhaustion and emotional release from trail running (a zen type experience for me sometimes) meant lots and lots of tears.  I'm actually grateful for these tears in a weird way... grateful for the cleansing... the letting go of emotions... and the fact that I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling without stuffing it.

Speaking of feelings... Yesterday when we went into a little shop downtown Bend, I found a new children's book that I LOVE.  It's called In My Heart, A Book of Feelings.  I love it for lots of reasons.  One, it helps kids understand and explain their feelings which then leads to more emotional awareness and intelligence.  It also does such a great job at describing the feelings of the heart in ways that carry on into adulthood.  Reading it to my kids made me feel more compassionate towards myself even... in the sense that we are surely complicated beings with the many feelings we have.  Our hearts need to be heard.  I highly recommend this book for mothers, fathers, teachers, caretakers, etc.  It would also make a great gift for a primary teacher or someone having a baby, or even a birthday gift for a child!   Here are just a few snippets from the book:

Another great book I bought yesterday.  Highly recommend (see below)!

In My Heart 

by Jo Witek

My heart is full of feelings.  Big feelings and small feelings.  Loud feelings and quiet feelings.  Quick feelings and slow feelings  My heart is like a house, with all these feelings living inside.  

Sometimes my heart feels like a big yellow star, shiny and bright.  I smile from ear to ear and twirl around so fast, I feel as if I could take off into the sky.  this is when my heart is happy.  

Other times, my heart feels strong.  I stand up tall, as if I can touch the clouds.  New people and places don't frighten me.  I can do it!  Watch me go!  This is when my heart is brave.  

When I get really angry, my heart feels as if it's going to explode!  Don't come near me!  My heart is yelling, hot and loud.  This is when my heart is mad!

But other times, my heart is cool.  I bob along gently like a balloon on a string.  My heart feels lazy and slow, as quiet as snowfall.  This is when my heart is calm.  

On harder days, mean words hurt my feelings, and my heart feels hurt too.  It's fragile and delicate, but it can be healed with extra kisses.  This is when my heart is broken.  

Some days my heart feels as heavy as an elephant.  There's a dark cloud over my head, and tears fall like rain.  This is when my heart is sad.  

I'll stop there.  Sad was how my heart was feeling today.   You get the gist of the book.  It goes on to describe the heart as hopeful, afraid, silly, shy, and proud.  Each page also has the cutest illustrations. LOVE THIS BOOK!!  

Amanda

Dreaming Big Dreams and Sharing Them With The Universe

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”  Shel Silverstein

I know that I use the Shel Silverstein quote quite a bit but I think it really says it all.  

“Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be.”  Karen Ravn

I guess you can say that I've always been a dreamer.  I've always dreamed big for my life and believed that our dreams really can become reality.  For most of my life, I've had a pretty clear idea of what I want to accomplish and I've been confident in what I need to do to get to where I want to be.  I can honestly say that so far, all my dreams have come true.  

A big part of seeing my dreams unfold has been my belief that anything really is possible.  I've focused on blocking out the naysayers and the negative Nancys in life and instead, I've believed in myself and been blessed enough with loving support and encouragement from so many dear friends and family that believe in me.  

It is just recently that I've realized the power of sharing my dreams with the universe and sharing them with confidence and belief that anything is possible.  It is easy to feel scared to put our dreams out there for all the world to see.  This can make us feel vulnerable, scared of looking like fool if we fail, and scared of seeming silly to others.  There are always those people out there that probably enjoy seeing others fail or those that feel better about themselves when they make others feel silly about their dreams but I believe that there are many more people out there that are truly joyful and supportive about our dreams and want to see us achieve great things.  In fact, I think that it is when we finally put our dreams out there on the line for all to see, that the magic starts happening and our dreams begin to become reality.  

As vulnerable as it sometimes feels to put my big life dreams out for everyone to see, I'm going to take my own advice and put a few of my life goals out there!  I also know that our big dreams today might end up changing tomorrow, next year, or many years from now.  That is part of the fun of dreaming big....anything is possible and a dream doesn't have to bind us down....dreams can come and go.  

So, here are some big dreams of mine, long long term and shorter term:

1.  I'd like you all to meet Little Cherie Lynn. 

She is the main character in the children's book that my Mom and I are writing and illustrating.  My Mom is obviously the illustrator (I can't do art like this) and I will write the story.   My big goals for the next couple of months is to read read read about the steps I need to be taking to put this thing together and send it off to publishers.  Once we get the story and pictures together, the trick will be the packaging and presentation...oh, and connections are NICE so please, if you know any tips or contacts, please please send them our way!  I think a dream has to start somewhere and so this is our start!  There is a small part of me that has those doubts that start to seep in my brain but I've got to keep shooing them away and remind myself that "anything is possible child, anything can be."

2.  5 year goal:  Start a nonprofit business focused on parent education and early literacy education.  I especially want my focus to be on helping struggling families in lower socioeconomic areas who are without resources, education, etc.  I think that it is never too early to start reading to our children and helping parents know how to help their children thrive with early literacy.  One of my ideas (an one that my friends has also had and started taking action on) is the idea of having a packet to hand out to new mothers at the hospital that includes children's books and material for parents about things they can do with their child to help them get a good head start with literacy.   Not sure how this dream will unfold but I think just putting it out here for all of you to see is a start in the right direction.  

3.  10-20 year goal:  Open my own children's bookstore.

Here are just a few of the many books on my shelves that you might find in my bookstore:

4.  Recent Running Goals:  Okay, I'm going to say it.  After my hamstring injury I spent a lot of time on the couch.  I had plenty of time to cry but more time to DREAM Big and boy did I have an appetite for some comeback action.  I started dreaming bigger than ever before.  I couldn't even walk normally but I told my husband that I was going to break 3 hours in the marathon.  Ha! Ha! Okay, so maybe I was getting ahead of myself.  Especially since that would mean a 22 minute PR.  Talk about dreaming big.  I had it all figured out as to what I would have to do, the training I would do, and I really had myself believing that I would and could do it.  Maybe someday but my dreams have already changed..see, that's fun about dreams....you can dream them up and sit with them for awhile and then take a new direction.  Yes, a sub 3 would be wonderful but for now, I'm thinking just running another 3:22 would make me happy!  Very happy.   I'd like to do at least one Marathon this year that I really train for.  I've never really followed a plan seriously besides the one I was training for in October when I ripped up my hamstring.  I dream of running the New York Marathon and Boston Marathon over the next 3 years.  

5.  Ironman.  Enough said.  A dream for another day.  

1.  What are some of your BIG dreams?  I'd love to hear a 1, 5, or 10-20 year dream!


2.  Do you get scared to share your big dreams with people? You know the goals you have for yourself that are most near and dear...do you ever get scared that others might think they are silly or beyond you?  


3.  Who are your most supportive people in your life...the ones that make you believe that "anything is possible child, anything can be"?  


4.  What is your favorite book?

Amanda