Project Begin Again. Day 2

I woke up extra early this morning.  The house was still cold before the heater kicked in but the coffee was hot, house quiet and my journal was calling my name.  I filled my coffee mug, wrapped myself in a big blanket and started a new journal especially devoted to my Begin Again Project.  I don't expect I'll actually FEEL like writing every morning or evening but I think this will come down to the discipline part...the part of setting and keeping a goal that actually takes a little intention and work.  And I know that when I do stick with this goal, I will start to see small changes in my life.  As I see and hear so often, If we do nothing different, nothing will ever change... so here's to putting in the mental work to be more deliberate about my intentions and gratitude again.

For the sake of keeping my goals for this project before me, I'll begin my posts with this:

So, here's how this will go. 

1. I will write something on here every day for 38 days because that is how many days until my 50k.  
2. I will keep in simple!!! Some days will consist of three sentences if that's all I have.   
3. I will write for me.  
4. I will try very hard NOT to compare my old Runninghood self to the Amanda typing today.  
5. I will keep my posts to daily gratitude, intentions and.... because how can we not feel sad, heavy hearted and powerless at so much happening in our world...I will include at least one small way I can or have done something to make the world a better place (this can be as simple and powerful as helping my child learn a lesson about love and kindness).  
6. Why am I doing this?  To Begin Again.  Just as with training for a marathon when we put in our daily workouts, I want to get into the habit of focusing on the things that make me happy and my intentions for making my life what I want. Writing helps me with this.  

Grateful.  For this life.  For adventure.  The waves.  Warm waters. Beautiful sunsets.  These amazing children that I get to raise and have as my own... these children that bring my life more JOY than I even know right now.  Someday I will look back on these days and recognize these treasures and know their depth in entirely new ways.  

Day 2:

Intentions:  

• Listen to my children.  Truly listen without distraction.  So often, my kids (especially my youngest) will be talking to me...telling me something...sharing a part of his or her life and mind...and I'm too lost in my own thoughts to stop and really LISTEN.  Listen with my complete self.  This is hard for me.  I half-listen lots!  And they know when I'm half-listening.  I know we can't always stop everything and give 100% of our focus to our kids when we have so much going on (especial when so much out of their mouths can be whining and tattling and arguing...the stuff we WANT to tune out) but I can definitely be more mindful of doing this way way more.  
•  Enjoy teaching this week.  Take note of what an honor it is to get to teach these students.  Make connections with them... lift them up.  
• Today I discovered a new language app/program that I really loved.  It's called Duo Lingo.  I'd really love to have my kids (and us) do it a few times a week with the Spanish lessons.  As with anything, this will take INTENTION if we want it to be a habit.  
• Get my runs in this week even though it's almost a full week of work in addition to running 3 kids around after school.  By the time evening comes, I'm exhausted.  The last thing I want to do is run but I know I'll feel better if I do.  Besides, this is what so so many others have to do to fit in their training as working parents.  Either early mornings or later in the evening.  Weeks like this make me appreciate my flexibility with subbing and having most my days as a stay at home parent ALL THE MORE!  I do NOT take it for granted.  It is a surely a choice I feel very grateful to have.  

Gratitude:

• A beautiful weekend of reconnection with my husband after I was away all week for Spring Break taking the kids to California for a road trip to see family.  One of the best weekends we've had in some time.  One that made me so happy to wake up next to him and see him again after work tonight.  Marriage is a constant give and take and one of the things I think we can take for granted more than anything else. What a good good man I have.  The very best kind.  So thankful for him.  
• On the way down to California, my mom went with me.  Glad for this time with her!! And glad she had this special time with the kids.  
• I came home from California to a spotless house and the front and back yard cleaned up for spring.  Big bonus points for the hubby.  :)  
• Hot coffee and and morning quiet time before the kids wake up.  
• New goals.
• Beautiful music while I write.  
• DREAMS.  HOPE.  SPRING (literally and figuratively)  

How have I, or can I continue to play even a small part in making the world a better place (Be the Change):  

• I'll likely use this one a couple of times in my 38 days... I can play my small part in making the world a more loving and positive place by using my voice.  By reaching out to let someone I know or don't know of something I'm glad for about them.  By telling them something I notice that they do well or that I value about them.  It can feel so good...so uplifting... to hear something positive.  I think when we use our voice to let others know we like or  notice of the ways they shine, we spread such energy that keeps giving.  When we lift each other up, it's a gift that keeps giving.  

-Amanda

What's Up? Running, Parenting, Life: Goals and Happenings

Running
Training for my May 50k and Boston started this week.  I'm excited to be more focused about my running, goals, and fitness.  With this comes more intention with my diet, strength work, and stretching/rolling/maintenance.  These are things I should have in mind year round but they become all the more important when I'm asking more from my body physically.  My training this time around will be different in many ways. Just a few differences from the past:

1. Most my runs will be on trails
2. Less focus on specific times and more focus on effort
3. At least 2/3 of my runs will be without my Garmin.  I'd like to run based off effort and feel.  
4. Less focus on a goal time and more focus on my experience and what I'm getting from running overall.  I want to run strong in my races but not make it all about a PR on the clock this time.  
5. The plan so far is for Boston to be a training run, not a race where I race all out.  
6. Race without a Garmin!  I want Boston to be about feel and the overall experience without letting my Garmin tell me what I should and shouldn't be running for each mile.  I'm sick of looking down at my wrist every mile.  For Christmas, I asked for a good old Ironman Timex watch just like I used to have.  
7. Less mileage and speed work and more back to back endurance runs. 

As of now, my plan is to use a basic plan from Relentless Forward Progress where my mileage will be up to 50 miles a week.  In the past I've run between 55 to 65 miles as my general average (my highest weekly mileage at 85...this was too much for me).  I think a lower mileage will be just fine for my goals. I will also pull one faster paced workout per week from Advanced Marathoning.  This will alternate between tempo and vo2max work.  If I'm feeling strong, I might do two a week or incorporate some of the threshold work into a longer run.  It's hard to judge pace on the trails (one reason for no Garmin on most runs) but I'd still like 8 min pace to come easy and natural for me when running on flat.  The other day I did take the Garmin out to see where I was with this and high 7s/low 8s felt just right like they should at this point after building a base. I'll still be keeping a training journal but this time I'm trying out the Believe Journal.  I love so much about this book...the feel, format, font...all of it is inspiring!  I can tell a lot of passion went into putting this journal together.  

I've always kept a training journal in just an ordinarynotebook. This has worked great for me and led to growth and opportunities to reflect, dream, be my best self...my journals are treasures!  Now that training mode is starting again, I'm excited to start digging into this beauty!  Just from my first flip, I love what I see.  It makes me itch to put pen to paper and start writing my goals and plans!  From font to format to feel, it is well composed/compiled!  

Parenting

We are definitely in a different stage with our kids now that they are well within 9, 7, 5.  One of our main things we are wanting to be intentional with is helping our kids continue to take responsibility and ownership over their learning, family contributions, and daily tasks.  We also want them to learn about the value and management of money.  We want to incorporate an allowance into family life but we don't want it to just be about paying them to do things they should already be doing as contributing members of this family.  So, last night we had our family meeting and came up with a list of family contributions and things we want them to do weekly.  We also discussed the difference between getting paid out of reward vs. an opportunity to learn about money while still meeting their family expectations and contributions. We set a dollar amount that we will give them monthly and as long as they are keeping up with their end of the deal, they get their full amount.  It isn't much at all but we are hopeful that this will teach them about saving, giving, and spending!  This is new to us so we are still finding our way and will see how it all unfolds.  Some of their family contributions and expectations (nothing really new):

• Keeping their rooms clean.  Not perfect (goodness knows mine isn't perfect!) but picked up at least once a week where they make it look clean and tidy.  
• Picking their stuff up from the downstairs and keeping their things where they belong.  
• Doing chores willingly as asked.
• RESPECT to each other! With tone of voice and actions.
• Read daily.  This should be a fun habit for them.  They can read whatever they want but we do expect this habit to be in place. 
• Writing.  We recently started asking our older kids to keep a journal.  The older kids are expected to write two pages a week.  One page is just whatever they want to write.  Again, this can be fun.  A story, rant, letter, poem, list, writing about their day or week or something they are excited about.  Their second page is a list of gratitude.  The goal here is to help them practice some habits that we feel can be beneficial to their lives.  The gratitude lists is self explanatory and we hope they will learn to recognize more things in their ordinary life to be grateful for as they begin this routine.  We've done this before but in the past we have had a family gratitude journal. As for the free write entry, we want this to be a way that they can get more fluid with their writing as well as be more reflective.  Maybe this habit/routine won't last and maybe it will.  For now, the girls have actually had fun with it the last month and they are picking it up on their own without having to be reminded.  

Life

I continue to work on adjusting to life in Bend, OR.  We've only been here since August so I can't expect it to feel completely normal just yet.  Slowly but surely.  The best thing (hands down!) about our home here are the miles and miles of trails outside my door.  I'm beyond grateful for this.  My biggest struggle in life at this time is COMPARISON and letting go.  Not comparison to others but comparison to what I had (and LOVED) in Asheville.  I've been quite stuck some days.  Missing and longing instead of moving on and giving my full energy to making THIS chapter a beautiful one.  So, I'm really working hard on this:  Moving forward with CONTENTMENT and gratitude.  I'm quite positive that when I open my heart and mind and truly give of myself here, I will find community, home, and connection.  So, the walls are coming down and I'm making it a priority to practice gratitude and positive thinking.  

Some personal goals:  

• Let go of the expectations of how it's supposed to be and embrace what it is.
• Instead of seeing all the things I'm not doing/accomplishing, feel good about what IS being done and what I can still do.  One thing at a time!
• Break things into smaller chunks.
• Do what I'm doing because I find meaning in it.  NOT because others are doing it or because I think it's what I'm supposed to do.  
• Get rid of comparison. Comparison to others or to my past self/life.  Comparison kills joy.
• Use my love language: Give and love in the ways that come naturally.  For me, this is through words of affirmation: letters, texts, conversation...full attention.  
• Slow down and make the time count.  
• Give my kids and husband my FULL attention at least once a day.  It doesn't have to be long to count. 
• Uplift, support, and love.  

Amanda

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