Day 7 and 8. Project Begin Again: Running, Motherhood, Life.

"Acknowledging the good you already have in life is the foundation of all abundance."  

-Eckhart Tolle

Yesterday was a day where I needed to skip the run and be still on a rock by my river.  Today, I did run...9 miles actually...But my body, mind spirit are tired this weekend.  A few days where I'm reminded to listen and be still in gratitude.  Lots of time by this beautiful, wise and roaring river behind my house.  Even a partial nap on her warm rocks.  

I've decided that I will likely bundle my posts for this Project Begin Again when it comes to the weekends.  I took note of my gratitude and intentions yesterday but didn't publish... I was enjoying my present moments too much to get to my computer and type.  So here's to day 7 and 8 in one!  Not that it really even matters considering I'm sticking to my guidelines and writing for ME.  Those that read along... great!  Otherwise, I made the rules so I can change them a little.

As with all of these posts... 

Before I move on to my daily musings, below are the guidelines I keep in every post.  

So, here's how this will go. 

1. I will write something on here every day for 38 days because that is how many days until my 50k.  
2. I will keep in simple!!! Some days will consist of three sentences if that's all I have.   
3. I will write for me.  
4. I will try very hard NOT to compare my old Runninghood self to the Amanda typing today.  
5. I will keep my posts to daily gratitude, intentions and.... because how can we not feel sad, heavy hearted and powerless at so much happening in our world...I will include at least one small way I can or have done something to make the world a better place (this can be as simple and powerful as helping my child learn a lesson about love and kindness).  
6. Why am I doing this?  To Begin Again.  Just as with training for a marathon when we put in our daily workouts, I want to get into the habit of focusing on the things that make me happy and my intentions for making my life what I want. Writing helps me with this.  

Life always becomes a little bit clearer when I get outside in nature.  I return home full of all the good stuff: peace, clarity, inspiration, centeredness, love, and an idea of what really matters most!  It's surely here in nature where I feel/hear God every single time!  And running in nature?  All of this good is then amplified !  

Day 7 and 8:

Gratitude:

• My mom is here tonight!  I think I will convince her to stay at least another day before she heads back to the country outside of Portland.
• I ran 9 very happy miles this morning before picking my mom up from the airport.  I felt so good.  Most of my miles were on the single track trails above a busier portion of trail along the Deschutes River. I love weaving in and around the trees...following the curvy ups and downs of these dirt trails.... 
• Not a super high mileage week for running (around 40 miles) but I think one of my happiest weeks in awhile.  
• I felt happy with running, career, motherhood, friendships... all around!  I think my boost in happiness and contentment surely has  something to do with this project where I am intentional about taking the time to focus on my gratitude and what I want most in life.  
• What a glorious weekend... soccer, sunshine, friends, first outdoor fire and BBQ this season, warm weather, family in town....
• My son lost his first tooth!  He's my baby...this feels big for me to have my last child lose his first tooth.  A good memory that came with it too... it involved jumping on the trampoline in our backyard on a warm spring night with his cousin from Portland.  A perfect moment for a first lost tooth for my baby.  
• I spent lots of time in nature this weekend.  A few of my runs earlier in the week had to be on the treadmill due to my work schedule with kids.  However, Friday, Saturday and Sunday (today) involved many hours outside in nature!   
• I get to see one of my absolutely nearest and dearest humans this next weekend!!!  So so excited!!  More on this later... 

First backyard fire of the season... hopefully the first of many! 

Intentions: 

• First off, I think I met all of my intentions from Friday so so well.  I feel good about how well I was able to relax and enjoy my weekend.  Very much in the present moment.  I soaked it up!  And forgot about my blog. Until I reminded myself of my goal to stick with this for 38 days.  :)  
• Spend quality time with my mom in Bend tomorrow.  No distractions.  I will drop the kids at school and do whatever we feel up for... starting with coffee at Dudley's Bookstore, then visiting shops, walking by the river, and having lunch at one of my favorite spots.  Maybe we will even go see a movie!  Haven't done that in a long time.  
• Be slow to react and quick to respond with love, patience and compassion.  
• Say "thank you" to the people in my life (strangers and loved ones) and notice the efforts they are making to be their best selves.  
• Run LONG this week!  I plan to run a good 20 plus miler.  I'm talking mountain trail miles so this will take a looooong time!  I'm guessing a good 3.5 hours on my feet.  This will be hard and I know have to go into the run prepared to fuel, hydrate and have a mental plan for what to tell myself when I want to be done!  
• Continue to do the strength/core work that adds up to getting stronger and more defined!  
• To be intentional about the ways I let my sweet man know how much I love and appreciate him.  He has been working so much lately but despite the long hours and days that often carry over into home, he is so excited about what he is doing and where he in in life.  This makes me happy to see him so happy doing something he loves and is good at.  Gosh, I love him .  We aren't perfect (who is? ) and our road hasn't been without little bumps but damn, I got lucky with him.  Good good man.  And you know, he's the first and loudest cheerleader in my life... the one who encourages and supports me to go after any dream I ever have... while also letting me know, he doesn't expect me to do any more than I already am.  So this one is for gratitude and intentions I suppose.    

How have I, or can I continue to play even a small part in making the world a better place (Be the Change):  

• BE GRATITUDE.  Give GRATITUDE.  
• BE LOVE.  Give LOVE.  
• Think good thoughts, do good actions, say good words.  

Amanda

Project Begin Again. Day 2

I woke up extra early this morning.  The house was still cold before the heater kicked in but the coffee was hot, house quiet and my journal was calling my name.  I filled my coffee mug, wrapped myself in a big blanket and started a new journal especially devoted to my Begin Again Project.  I don't expect I'll actually FEEL like writing every morning or evening but I think this will come down to the discipline part...the part of setting and keeping a goal that actually takes a little intention and work.  And I know that when I do stick with this goal, I will start to see small changes in my life.  As I see and hear so often, If we do nothing different, nothing will ever change... so here's to putting in the mental work to be more deliberate about my intentions and gratitude again.

For the sake of keeping my goals for this project before me, I'll begin my posts with this:

So, here's how this will go. 

1. I will write something on here every day for 38 days because that is how many days until my 50k.  
2. I will keep in simple!!! Some days will consist of three sentences if that's all I have.   
3. I will write for me.  
4. I will try very hard NOT to compare my old Runninghood self to the Amanda typing today.  
5. I will keep my posts to daily gratitude, intentions and.... because how can we not feel sad, heavy hearted and powerless at so much happening in our world...I will include at least one small way I can or have done something to make the world a better place (this can be as simple and powerful as helping my child learn a lesson about love and kindness).  
6. Why am I doing this?  To Begin Again.  Just as with training for a marathon when we put in our daily workouts, I want to get into the habit of focusing on the things that make me happy and my intentions for making my life what I want. Writing helps me with this.  

Grateful.  For this life.  For adventure.  The waves.  Warm waters. Beautiful sunsets.  These amazing children that I get to raise and have as my own... these children that bring my life more JOY than I even know right now.  Someday I will look back on these days and recognize these treasures and know their depth in entirely new ways.  

Day 2:

Intentions:  

• Listen to my children.  Truly listen without distraction.  So often, my kids (especially my youngest) will be talking to me...telling me something...sharing a part of his or her life and mind...and I'm too lost in my own thoughts to stop and really LISTEN.  Listen with my complete self.  This is hard for me.  I half-listen lots!  And they know when I'm half-listening.  I know we can't always stop everything and give 100% of our focus to our kids when we have so much going on (especial when so much out of their mouths can be whining and tattling and arguing...the stuff we WANT to tune out) but I can definitely be more mindful of doing this way way more.  
•  Enjoy teaching this week.  Take note of what an honor it is to get to teach these students.  Make connections with them... lift them up.  
• Today I discovered a new language app/program that I really loved.  It's called Duo Lingo.  I'd really love to have my kids (and us) do it a few times a week with the Spanish lessons.  As with anything, this will take INTENTION if we want it to be a habit.  
• Get my runs in this week even though it's almost a full week of work in addition to running 3 kids around after school.  By the time evening comes, I'm exhausted.  The last thing I want to do is run but I know I'll feel better if I do.  Besides, this is what so so many others have to do to fit in their training as working parents.  Either early mornings or later in the evening.  Weeks like this make me appreciate my flexibility with subbing and having most my days as a stay at home parent ALL THE MORE!  I do NOT take it for granted.  It is a surely a choice I feel very grateful to have.  

Gratitude:

• A beautiful weekend of reconnection with my husband after I was away all week for Spring Break taking the kids to California for a road trip to see family.  One of the best weekends we've had in some time.  One that made me so happy to wake up next to him and see him again after work tonight.  Marriage is a constant give and take and one of the things I think we can take for granted more than anything else. What a good good man I have.  The very best kind.  So thankful for him.  
• On the way down to California, my mom went with me.  Glad for this time with her!! And glad she had this special time with the kids.  
• I came home from California to a spotless house and the front and back yard cleaned up for spring.  Big bonus points for the hubby.  :)  
• Hot coffee and and morning quiet time before the kids wake up.  
• New goals.
• Beautiful music while I write.  
• DREAMS.  HOPE.  SPRING (literally and figuratively)  

How have I, or can I continue to play even a small part in making the world a better place (Be the Change):  

• I'll likely use this one a couple of times in my 38 days... I can play my small part in making the world a more loving and positive place by using my voice.  By reaching out to let someone I know or don't know of something I'm glad for about them.  By telling them something I notice that they do well or that I value about them.  It can feel so good...so uplifting... to hear something positive.  I think when we use our voice to let others know we like or  notice of the ways they shine, we spread such energy that keeps giving.  When we lift each other up, it's a gift that keeps giving.  

-Amanda

Project Begin Again. Day 1

"We are constantly invited to be who we are. ...I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavour. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve
and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts." -Henry David Thoreau.

No better time to begin again than Easter.  The other day, one of my dear blogger friends, Petra, posted this:  Begin Again. As I was reading, I felt that familiar resonation and inner "Yes". Her words often do this for me.  She's so real.  Her post caused lots to stir within this head and heart of mine.  She was talking about beginning again with her running, what running means to her, and not comparing herself to her past self.  Her words went so much deeper than simply starting again with running.  They reminded me yet again just how much we are a work in progress.  How life continues to unfold and change and we are allowed to change too.  And how things we love can take a different form than they once were.  Her words also reminded me of how hard it can be to begin again with something that once took such big space in our life.

I'm not beginning again with running.  In fact, I'm only a short stretch away from running a trail 50k (May 7th) so I've been running plenty (maybe not enough).  However, I am in a very different place with running than I once was.  I hardly ever carry a watch or Garmin unless I don't know a route or I'm trying to get a feel for where I am with speed.  I don't follow a strict plan.  I run much slower.  I'm ok with skipping days or even weeks.  It can be hard not to compare my present self with my past self sometimes.  Hard to accept that I am still just as much of a runner as I was when I was sticking to a dedicated plan, writing about my training and shooting for that 3:15/3:20 marathon.  I'm still a runner and running is still the gift it always has been.  My zen.  Running has been less and less about a specific goal and more and more about what it does for my soul.  I run because it brings me more life.  With each mile on the trails, my life is richer and my soul awakens.  As Petra says: "Running is how I understand myself in life."

What Petra's post made me think of first, before running, was writing.  Her post made me want to blog again.  I've felt this pull off and on over the last year but I haven't known where to start or how to continue once I do start.  Typing on here feels strange.  I get caught into the trap of comparing myself to my old self.  I'm so different.  So much has changed.  But I'm making it way too complicated here....

We can always Begin Again!  From where we are.  As we are.  Without comparison.

Why write on my blog anymore?  Why not just a journal?  You know, I've asked myself this question lots.  But the truth is, journaling has been way harder for me lately...hard to find my flow.  Something about typing on my blog (even if only for an audience of one or two or none besides my imagination) motivates me.  The discipline of writing ...especially daily gratitude and intentions... helps my entire flow and focus with everything else! The practice of daily writing is ENERGIZING and gives way to so so much more than I realize.

So, here's how this will go.

1. I will write something on here every day for 38 days because that is how many days until my 50k.  
2. I will keep in simple!!! Some days will consist of three sentences if that's all I have.   
3. I will write for me.  
4. I will try very hard NOT to compare my old Runninghood self to the Amanda typing today.  
5. I will keep my posts to daily gratitude, intentions and.... because how can we not feel sad, heavy hearted and powerless at so much happening in our world...I will include at least one small way I can or have done something to make the world a better place (this can be as simple and powerful as helping my child learn a lesson about love and kindness).  
6. Why am I doing this?  To Begin Again.  Just as with training for a marathon when we put in our daily workouts, I want to get into the habit of focusing on the things that make me happy and my intentions for making my life what I want. Writing helps me with this.  

Day 1:

Intentions:  

• Go downstairs after writing this and be entirely present with my family over dinner.  
• Acknowledge at least one positive thing I noticed about each of my kids this week.  
• Celebrate as a family all we have to be thankful for and our highlights of Spring Break.  

Gratitude:

• A road trip with my kids to sunny California to see family.  
• Our stop in the Redwood Forest.  Majestic soul food.
• My 20 mile run on trails (so much time on feet) with my husband today (he's also running the 50k).  
• Seeing my children grow into such beautiful versions of themselves. Well, I don't always notice this. ;) But if I step back and really see the big picture... 
• I could go on and on but the goal was to keep these entries simple so I'll save more for tomorrow.  

How have I, or can I continue to play even a small part in making the world a better place (Be the Change):  

• This week, on my long drive back from SoCal to Oregon, I had a moment with my kids where I was simply and clearly NOT my best self.  Instead, I let my sleep deprived self take over and react to my tired fighting kids in a way that did NOT model grace or love or patience.  I was like a roaring LION.  I hated the feeling that came after I screamed.  I definitely had those familiar feelings of shame and guilt washing over me.  But I let my kids see ME have GRACE and love with myself and I offered the same to them.  I showed them that even when we act in ways we aren't proud of, we can still apologize and offer ourselves and each other GRACE!! I showed them what it looks like to start fresh and forgive.  I think that by modeling self love and grace and love and grace for others, and letting them see that they can make mistakes without letting their mistakes turn into shame and negative self talk and feeling stuck, I am helping them grow up to be loving, kind, and full of grace people...with themselves and others.  At least I hope so. 

That's about all for today.  Here's to beginning again... and continuing.  Life is beautiful.

-Amanda

On Creativity

It feels weird writing a blog post.  So much for my writing streak I started this summer.  That didn't last long.  I'm ok with this.  I think this blog has served a very beautiful purpose in my life and it's ok that I don't write here much anymore...or at all.  But I'm writing here now.

I guess I should start with saying that I've been reading Elizabeth Gilbert's new book Big Magic.  If you know of the book, you know.  If not?  Well, you're probably not reading this post anyway or you'll google the book and read a description.

I. Love. This Book!

I don't think everyone will love this book.  In fact, I don't think the world works that way..where everyone digs the same books and ideas.  I think this is a GOOD thing!  How boring of a world it would be if everyone thought the same and was interested in the same same same! But I love this book.   So far, most pages are met with a nod of my head and a "Yes, yes! Yes. She's saying it.  She's talking about this in a way that is so damn easy to read and relate."  She writes the book in a way that makes you feel like you are sitting right across from her having a coffee.  Her chapters are short.  Wording, real.  And she nails VOICE as far as good writing goes.  This book is an easy breezy read that inspires some good ol' reflection and thinking on a concept/topic that is one of my all-time favorites to chew on:  Creative Living.  And more so:  Creative Living Beyond FEAR, that tricky little shit that likes to get in the way and keep us from so much!

Last week, Muse Magazine sent out a post saying they have one free ticket to a sold out creativity/writing workshop here in Bend with none other than Elizabeth Gilbert herself.  WHAT?  Back the bus up.  Really?  Why hadn't I heard of said Creativity/Writing Workshop (yes, I'm capitalizing incorrectly here. Because it's important.) with E.G before this? So, they are giving this ticket away to one lucky winner who muses to their liking on Creativity.  I took it as musing on what creativity means for us in our lives.  What creativity is for us.  How we find creative inspiration. Who our creative muses are.  So open ended here.  The reflection on this topic is endless.  And it is incredibly energizing and inspirational in and of itself so really this "contest" if you will, is a win, win, win no matter who the lucky chosen one may be.  Those of you that have read this blog for awhile will not be surprised that this creative musing or musing on creativity is right up my alley.  Creative exploration with kids, inspiration, women inspiring women, creative healing, creativity and running,  journaling and collaging, and on and on and on...  surely a topic that has taken up a huge chunk of my blog hat here at Runninghood.  

Rather than post one. more. long captioned Instagram photo (which is what I've replaced this blog with) on this topic, I decided to blow the dust off my REAL blog and share some overall thoughts or reflections on creativity in no particular order:

• Creativity is always there but not always awake.
• Everyone has a creative side to them.  
• Children are one of our greatest teachers of what it means to unguardedly tap into creativity.  I think this is one of the reasons working with children inspires me so much.  
• Creative inspiration and inspired ideas almost have a life of their own...Creative inspiration is creativity awakened.  
• Creative inspiration can consume us.  In a good way.  
• The initial stages of creative inspiration (for me personally) are maybe the closest I get to feeling almost possessed with ideas... possessed isn't the right word...it brings horror movies to mind.  Inspired.  Spirit.  It's spiritual.  Energizing.  A constant flow of very real ideas that almost seem to project their full potential on a movie screen for me to see...feel... hear...Believe!  Then the work part comes.  The part where I have to take one idea out of the many and truly live with it.   I work for awhile. Then I get scared.  Self doubt, Fear, Someone-has-already-done-it-better, Overhwhelmed, Who am I to think I can.... Yup, all these old friends (even though they aren't any kind of friend I'd want) invite themselves over to hang out.  And they stay awhile.  And more often than not, they convince me to keep myself from freaking making magic happen!  And I know my ideas are good ideas because every time I come back to them after getting those stupid monkeys off my back, I am inspired all over again.  
• Creative inspiration needs to to be nurtured.  It is worthy of cultivation! This nurturing will lead to a more fulfilled, passionate, purposeful life.  
• Creativity or Creative Living doesn't mean we create something that makes us famous.  It isn't an impressive publication or degree.  It doesn't boast status.  
• I've reflected lots on when the creative inspiration or awakening is in my life in the biggest sense.  I want to think more on this.  Lately, it has been during some pretty big changes or life events (moving across the country, surgery for my child...).  I wonder why this is.  I'm making a note to think more here.  
• NATURE is one of my greatest muses.  When I am in nature (particularly when I'm running in nature), I almost always come back INSPIRED.  After a long trail run, I am filled with renewal, love, energy.  I'm given new perspective.  
• Henry David Thoreau sums up the truest essence of what creative living means for me:  

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do.  To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.  Every man is tasked to make his life, even in its details, worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour.  

Which brings me to:

• Creative living is being a maker of our own life...the way we dream for it to be.  
• Creative living IS intentional living.  Authentic.  
• Creative living is not being a passive consumer...waiting around for life to happen TO them. 
• Creative living involves telling our stories.  In whatever way that means for us.  
• Creative living is seizing inspiration...living with it...breathing it...saying hello to inspiration and welcoming it into our lives.  
• Creative living inspires gratitude.  Or is it when we have an abundance of gratitude in our hearts that we are creatively inspired?  What is the relationship/connection between creativity, inspiration, and the spirit of gratitude?  Coming back to this.  
• Creative living involves actively participating in our dreams and expressing our heart.  
• Creatively living is healing.  
• When we let ourselves create or do the work we feel called to do--the work we are passionate about--we thrive. 
• Creative living is listening to our hearts. 
• It is passion in action.  
• Creative inspiration can be be exhausting when we are creating a labor of love.  It can require all those powerful tools that help us accomplish anything worth doing:  dedication, hard work, goal setting, focus, pushing away self doubt and fear and continuing towards the goal.  All the good stuff we learn from training for and running marathons.  :)
• Creative inspiration can be found in the most unexpected of places. We can have more than one Muse.  
• Even the most creative people are not always creating or inspired to create. 

In wrapping up all my creative musings, I come back to the above Thoreau quote. It expresses so much of what creative living means to me..in how we can affect the quality of our life...living inspired, awake, intentional, purposeful!  For me, my children are a huge part of this...of this life I've created for myself.  They inspire me and I see magic when I see the world through their eyes.  They are part of the BIG magic picture for sure. They have been my greatest idea.  I dreamed for them long before they were born.

I could keep going for awhile here but I want to go to sleep so I'll stop with the bullets.  I think it is so easy for me to see all the things I haven't done with my life.  It's easy to see all the ways I feel like I've let big ideas die or examples where I feel like I failed or didn't pull through.  I could tally up all the accomplishments or dreams I've let fly off into nowhere.... 

But...

If I stop myself and look at my life from another perspective without that critic in the way, I can also see how much I HAVE created in my life.  I can see huge goals/dreams I've made reality.  I can see all the miracles and big magic moments that ARE.  I can see how creative inspiration has shaped my life all along.  I see a beautiful beautiful life that is exactly the way I would have dreamed for myself...in fact, it IS darn close to exactly what I dreamed for myself.  My career, marriage, being a mother to my three children who inspire me daily, the freedom and flexibility to be doing exactly what I'm doing.   I've followed through on many of my ideas and dreams and gone with creative inspiration a plenty.  I've taken from my creations what I've needed at the time and left the rest. Maybe I'll go back to the ideas I've dropped and maybe I won't.  Either way is ok.  Either way, I plan on living my life with inspiration and one where I nurture my creative spirit and find extraordinary in my ordinary.  For me, my BIG Magic is the life I am living right. this. second. It's my ability to "affect the quality of the day"...for myself and my family.  

Using the Tools in Our Tool Belt

It was especially quiet in the car on the way to school today.  Then I heard my five-year-old son say,

"Mom, I used a tool from my tool belt this morning."  

At first I didn't know what he was talking about. When I asked him what he meant, he said

  "When you said I couldn't wear those black shoes, I was really mad.  So, I came to the car where it was quiet so I could calm down and be in control of my choices. I used a tool."  

Huge smiles this morning!  Times like this are so affirming as mothers...reminders that we really ARE making a difference. The words and lessons we share with our kids ARE sinking in.  The past few weeks I've used the analogy of tools in a tool belt to fix things when it comes to helping my son make better choices and take control of his actions/words that stem from strong emotions.

Some of his tools:  

1. Go to a quiet place to calm down. 
2. Take a deep breath and count to 10 when he gets angry.
3. Ask friends and family for space.  
4. Use his words in a way where others can hear him (sharing his words with respect instead of throwing his words at others.  It's not always what we say but HOW we say it.) 
5. Express emotions and fears.  
6. Focus on the many things that make him happy rather than the one or two things making him unhappy.  
7. Try to let things go when you aren't getting what you want by focusing on something else you like to do.  The "Oh well, maybe later." tool.

Tools fix things. They help us accomplish a task and work towards something constructive rather than destructive.  This analogy isn't just helpful for my kids...it's helpful for me.  We all have tools. We have the tools to respond and act in the ways that compliment how we want our life to be.

If I think of all the tools I have in my tool belt that are unique to me, I'd say many of them are similar to the tools I've been helping my son use.  I truly understand this little guy with his box full of strong emotions and quirks (fear, anger, worry, frustration, getting overwhelmed easily, wanting to be in control, a little obsessive...) and I hope we can keep working together to make our days what we want them to be.  Parenting him has most definitely helped me grow into a stronger person.  Helping him work through his fears and emotions has meant having to do the same for myself.


 So, yes, kids, use your tools in life!  Mom will her hers too!

Amanda

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Live Like a Tourist: Local LIVING with a Traveling Spirit

Jackson's Corner in Bend, OR:  Simple, clean, and beautiful way to display jars for filling our own water glasses.  

The best advice I received before taking off to live in Asheville, NC for a year or so was:

"Live like you're a tourist.  See as much as you can."  

I took this advice to heart and was intentional about taking advantage of my short time in such a beautiful place. I was amazed by how much I saw and did...How much LIVING LIFE we did!  We really took advantage of all there was to see and do locally and really, all along the east coast.  We traveled, became members at the Biltmore Estates, climbed hills, swam in rivers, ran on new trails, scoped out the best restaurants, and so much more.  And we still adjusted as locals and became part of our community.

When we know we will live in a place for along time, it's easy to settle into routine and end up really only seeing and doing the things that are within our small area.  I grew up in Colorado.  I lived there for twenty years.  But I didn't really see much at all.  There were so many times in college and afterwards that people would ask me if I'd been to _______ or seen ______ and I realized that I'd seen and done so little in my own home state.  I resided there but I didn't really LIVE beyond my neighborhood and the same places I went to every week. We are creatures of habit.  Isn't this true!  And I admit, I love routine.  It would have been easy for me to travel all the way to Asheville for an adventure and really not see much at all in that year if I were to settle into too much of my old habits of only doing and seeing the same things day in and day out.  I was so thankful for this friend's words ringing in my ear...challenging me to seek out new things.

Yesterday after picking all the kids up from school, we parked and walked to this place downtown called Jackson's Corner where we shared a brownie and our day. It was something that probably wouldn't have happened unless we were intentional about it.  Otherwise, we would have just driven home and done what we always do.  When we were there, I made a point to look around and take in my surroundings...truly notice things (I tend to live in my head so much of the time).  My favorite part of this place is the wall where they have the drinking jars for us to fill our own water. Just something about it that is so simple but beautiful.

Now that we are in Bend, OR for the long haul, I still want to challenge myself to live as if I am a tourist for awhile (a tourist on a budget) and not just settle into my own 2-3 mile radius.  I'd like to choose a place to visit every week or so.  This doesn't have to be expensive or even time consuming.  I plan to keep it simple and intentional.  Some ideas might be:

• Sitting in a new coffee shop (or one I've been to before but sitting in a different place or talking to someone new) 
• Driving a different route
• Finding a different trail to run on or mountain to hike
• Making a point to find all the book stores in the area (even in Sisters, OR and other surrounding areas.) 
• Exploring a neighborhood or area that's not my own, even if it means driving, parking and getting out to walk or ride our bikes.  
• Taking the kids to a variety of parks, museums, etc.  
• Attend concerts, theater performances, and local live music

Really, it isn't so much as living like a tourist as it is simply, LIVING DEEPLY.  Settling in our familiar routines is comforting and wonderful.  I love knowing my favorite places and enjoying the richness our little corners of the world bring to us.  I also know that it takes being intentional to open my eyes to things I may never do or see otherwise.  When we are exploring a new place on visit or travel, we are usually much better about noticing things, exploring and trying to soak up all we can.  Since we aren't traveling, it will be more of a challenge to break from weekly routine where we have our go-to grocery stores, daily running routes, same drive to and from school and work, and our favorite places.  Yes, we will still have these things...these things make life comfortable and great!  I just want to change my path at least once a week. Why leave all the fun and beauty in Bend, OR to the tourists?!

1.  Do you try to break from your normal routines and see new things in your own city or state?  

2.  If you are familiar with Bend, OR and the surrounding areas, what are your recommendations for spots you love (shops, trails, restaurants, coffee shops, etc.) and favorite things to see and do (big and small)??  

3.   Thanks for the dog and 50k trail advice from my last post.  We are still looking for a dog.  I might go check out a hound mix today but not so sure a hound is best for living in a neighborhood.  And I'm pretty sure her keen sense of smell might distract her on our trail runs.   

 Amanda

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One Step at a Time: Moving Forward, Positive Focus, and Trust

Something new we are starting on our family wall.  

Yesterday was one of those end of summer days where I felt overwhelmed with stuff.  Everything I did or thought felt heavy.  Cloudy.  Scattered.  I couldn't focus on anything without feeling like something else was calling my attention.  It was one of those moments where I realized I'm trying to do a whole lot of everything PERFECT and because of that, I wasn't able to do much of anything at all.  I could see so many loose strings, started projects, and things that felt out of my control. So far from perfect.   That's just it, trying so hard for perfect control ends up leading to a mess of crazy.

Let something go Amanda.
You can't control everything.
One step at a time.
You're too hard on yourself.

Yes, I knew all the things I should be saying to myself but nothing seemed to be working to drag me out of this swirling overwhelming place of STUCK.  I tried writing things down and letting them go.  I tried some yoga.  Still, a head full of words, lists, questions, what-ifs, and all the things I should be doing better.

I know this place.  The end of summer.  My kids are fighting like crazy.  The house is a mess with the general rush of little people that come with this house being the place where all the kids play.  My running mileage and endorphins are way lower than the winter and spring months when I'm training for something.  It's a place I find myself every year where I crave structure and routine and have very little of it!  I desperately want to focus on a few projects I'm working on but I rarely find a long enough stretch of ME time to devote to it. And as with most parents, I've got lists coming out my ears with things to do for school registration, supply lists, registration for sports, things we need for the new house, conversations I need to have with my kids once the dust settles and on and on and on.  Add to this the fact that we just moved across the country and are still getting adjusted to a new house and getting settled in a new community. Oh, and that my husband signed us up to run the Hood to Coast relay this weekend.  This is fun and exciting but still feels a little nuts.  It will be interesting trying to run 20ish miles in a matter of 24 hours when 20 miles has been my top weekly mileage for the last months.  It will hurt oh so good.  Or bad.

After making a list of all the things I want to accomplish over the next week or two, I sat there in my living room wondering where to start.  In lieu of a run (my usual way to clear my head), I grabbed my dusty journal and some pens and took the whole gaggle of  kids (neighbors, friends, my own...)  to the park.  In the midst of playground noise and a constant chorus of "Mom, watch this!"  I flipped through the pages of my notes to myself and I let everything out in writing.  I wrote on all the things I was feeling heavy about first. That seemed to help me get to the things I was feeling good about.  Why hadn't I done this earlier?!  It always works.

My mind went back to words I'd read earlier in an article by Kristen Armstrong (always love her writing when I remember to read it) that helped me continue climbing out of my stuck mode:

There is a vast difference between giving up and letting go.

Yes! Letting go of things. Letting go of control.  Letting go of outcomes when I'm at a point where I really can't do too much more (other than pointless worry).   I'm definitely at a place (again) where I need to just let go and TRUST. Trust that things will work out.  Trust that I'm making the right decisions about the schools I'm choosing for my kids. Trust that if I just remember to take small steps and start where I am with some big dreams, I will move closer to where I want to be.

Letting go and Trust.  Two big things for me.  I wrote on this on and off between pushing swings, breaking up a few sibling spats, and stopping to notice a few bar tricks.  What I wrote for my intentions is nothing I haven't written on before but surely messages I still need to hear.  I keep coming back to these  things:

Focus on what I'm doing WELL.  It's so easy for me to get wrapped up in all the things I'm not feeling in control about.  There are so many things I want to be better at.  I'm constantly seeing things I'm letting slip or that I'm not able to get to right away.  As a mother, this can be especially overwhelming.  It's a downward spiral if I start looking too closely at the things I'm not doing instead of focusing on the things I am doing.  There is so much that I'm doing well right now even if there's a long list of things I feel like I'm failing at.  Focusing on the positive things is surely more powerful and energizing than focusing on the things I'm struggling with.  And when I do focus on the things I'm doing well, those things tend to happen MORE and MORE and everything else starts falling into place.

After I was done writing in my journal, this note-to-self (from many weeks ago) fell out onto the ground.  I'm sure I'll come back to this one again and again.  

Positive attitude. I set the stage for my family with my attitude.  When I have a positive attitude and bring attention to the positive things, everyone else starts focusing on more of the positive too!  This is especially true with my kids' behavior.  Noticing the things they are doing well works so much better for a positive environment than griping all day about the things I don't like.

Let Go and Trust.  There are so many things right now that I just need to let go of and trust that things will work out the way they should.  This is especially true with decisions I'm making for my kids in regards to school, sports, classes, etc.  I've done what I can, researched programs, and made my decisions.  Now I have to stop worrying and second guessing and let them go...let it go....TRUST.

Small Steps.  It is typical for me to get super inspired about something and start off with these huge leaps.  I run fast towards my visions and get so excited but then when things get blurry with details, I can get too overwhelmed with trying to see all the way to the end.  I forget that all I need to do is take one step at a time and keep moving forward.  We don't always have to see the end results or know exactly how we will get there in order to keep going.  I'm not turning back now.  I'm determined to take one step at a time.

Start Where I AM.  There's always a starting point with any goal.  Starting where we are allows us to do just that...START!  So often I think we see these things we want to do but think we need to have so many other things all sorted out before we can start.  Not true.  Start.  Starting where we are (right now) means that we start and starting means we are moving forward.  Dear Amanda: Stop waiting on perfect and simply move forward.  Sometimes we start with "Good Enough" and that's better than never starting at all because we were stopped by the trap of perfection.  The following was from my journal many weeks ago when I started on something I'd been thinking about for some time:

Here's to making this a great weekend, enjoying the last stretch of summer, and doing what I can with what I have RIGHT NOW!  Ah, what a difference it makes to shift our perspective from "how much more I want to do" to "how much I AM doing well right now!"

Amanda

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