Mini Race Recap...I came, I saw, I hit the wall!

The above picture is right before my marathon this morning.  Opened my card from Jenn...filled with such sweet words of encouragement.  Made me cry and smile all at once.  She included this awesome tat for me to sport during my 26.2.  The temps were already warm at 6 a.m.  I was happy then but not so much when I was running in 80 plus degrees by 9 a.m.  

I was feeling strong and confident about this race and my goals for a 3:15 or even better.  This was my e-mail to Ana Maria: 

So beautiful here! Perfect night's sleep! Sunshine and blue
skies for the first time in forever, heading off to the beach in a few. NO
reason to hold back and no excuses! I'm going for it! And for the first time
in my life I'm not scared to say that and I'm not giving myself an excuse NOT
to! wooo hooo. And if fall on my ass doing it then oh well, at least I went
for it! :) 

Well, I went for it!  First half of the marathon was 1:37.  

And then I did fall on my ass doing it!  

But I went for it.  

I hit the wall hard!  

BAM! 

No excuses.  

Just couldn't cut it today.  

Didn't have it.  

The heat,

My legs,

Needing water,

I've never felt more like QUITTING!  

At mile 15 I thought that I could go NO MORE! 

Every step was a battle.  

My 7:20-7:30 goal soon turned into a fight to hold on to a sub 9 min pace.  

Hardest race I've ever run in my LIFE!  

I found myself making a deal with that voice in my head,

Telling myself that if I could just finish then I would be proud and happy. 

But still felt a loss,

When it was all done

And a need to process, and be with my "Race Residue" for some time.

But it is what it is.  

I wasn't there today. 

I didn't have it.  

Took off too fast? Maybe.

I found myself stopping to walk for water,

Hanging my head in between my knees trying not to pass out,

Wanting to Quit,

For the firs time in my life.  

Never had a race that tested my will so much....a race that made me fight with all I had.  

Mile 24 and I didn't know how I would make it.  

Mile 25 and I had t close my eyes and remove myself from everything. 

Mile 26 and I didn't know if I could manage a run to the finish.  

Finally Done.  3:30:17.  I'll take it.  No use pouting and whining and saying What if.... I could have... I should have....

It was what it was.  I took care of myself.  I'm proud of myself for fighting and I'm so happy to be finished.  

Some Random pics and more a recap when I have time....

Best Father in law in the world! He took all the pictures.

Mother and Father in-law

Finish line.  I was dead.

Thank you for all your loving e-mails, videos (Raina), comments, and texts!!  Love you guys!
Amanda