Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Bikini Ready? Graston? Laser? Verbal Filter? Oh My!

"It's only awkward if you make it that way." I've heard this a lot in my life.  The only problem is that I do make things awkward.  So much of my life is lived awkwardly. In a good way.  The thing is, I'm just being normal old Amanda.  I say what I think, laugh at things that might not really be that funny to anyone else, and say things that many might consider to be inappropriate.  I can be quite impulsive and most people would agree that "verbal filter" and "Amanda" are NOT words that go together.  I like to think of myself as endearing and candid. Refreshing even.  Ha!  


I guess today was one of those situations that I made awkward.  For pretty much the entire chiropractic clinic.  You see, I went in to get my buns checked out since I've been having a lot of pain lately in my lower left buns/upper hammy.  I've also felt a fair amount of pain in my pelvic bone area when I wake up in the mornings.  I've been through this drill before...going to the sports chiropractor.  


What I expected:

  • Stim therapy and ultrasound
  • Probably some painful Graston therapy
  • Maybe some marching in place and mild adjustments
To prepare, I did the usual:
  • Wore short shorts under my pants
  • Shaved my legs
  • Made sure I was wearing clean socks and/or had my toenails trimmed...you know, the usual "I care what people think" side to Amanda.  I like to think of it as courtesy.  
What I didn't think of doing:  
  • Trim the Bikini area.  (UM , Because it is January.  It isn't bikini season.  I don't feel like I have to be trim and fabulously sexy down there for my husband.  I've been married for 8 years...I'm not single and on the market...landscaping is not on the top of my priorities!)    

Note:  Now before you let your imaginations run away with you, I'm not a sasquatch by any means.  I actually would be just fine in a bikini right now.  I just like to make things awkward remember? Like right now.  In telling you this. And I really don't even care that much.  


So, when my doc told me that I had an abdominal strain in addition to a hamstring strain and he would need to do some laser therapy in addition to some graston therapy (a.ka torture) on my pelvic region, the first thing I thought about was:


"Holy Heck!  What is the state of my BEAV right now?!  I mean, really?!!  I didn't think I'd have to be bikini ready. How embarrassing!"  Okay, so a little vain maybe.  


Most normal people would leave it at that.  The internal dialogue.  But not me.  I lack that filter remember?  So, in typical Amanda fashion, I say something like:


"Wow, I didn't think I'd need to be ready for bikini season.  I've been married for 8 years after all.  I'm not single and on the market. Gee....blah blah blah."  Yup. Pretty awkward on my part.  


Doc:  "I didn't think I'd need to hire an arborist!  I'll get one of the girls to do your laser therapy."  As he leaves I hear laughter among the clinic workers.  Yes, that would be that weirdo filter-lacking, emotionally unstable (when I tore my hammy completely a year or so ago, I was just a tad distraught) lady.  Again, I'd like to think that they love me for this. I certainly provide them with someone to make fun of later...this beats working in a boring clinic all day with boring normal people that control their inner thoughts and emotions, right?!  


So then Amanda was done talking about her Beav.  That was that.  Right?  Wrong.  I then proceeded to chat it up with every other person that came into tape me and do my ultrasound/stim therapy.  All this talk and it really wasn't even bad at all.


Note to self:  "Nobody cares about your untidy trim job Amanda!  And nobody wants to hear you talk about how long you've been married and the fact that it isn't bikini season.  Nobody cares.  AWKWARD!"  


Good News:  

  • I'm done with my awkward appointment.
  • My beav is really only small steps away from walking out on the white sands of Hawaii.  
  • I caught this before it got too bad.  I just have to take it easy for a week or so and continue therapy.
  • My 2 year old son sat through 1 1/2 hours of clinic time.  I am so proud of him.  Definitely required some "mommy tricks" on my part so I'm proud of myself too!
  • Even though I can't run 70 miles this week (or shouldn't), I can still run easy miles and 50 miles this week is better than NOTHING!  :)  
Bad News:
  • No racing this weekend as I had secretly planned.  Was determined to have a good race and run that 41 something 10k like I know I can do.  But now I know one reason why things have been so hard for me...my body isn't working right for a reason! 
  • Graston therapy hurts like a _____ (you fill in the blank).  I will have bruises all over!  Good thing it isn't bikini season!

Do you make things awkward for yourself?  What is a most embarrassing moment for you?  This wasn't embarrassing for me.  Just a typical day in the life of Amanda.  :)  I have many many embarrassing moments though.  

Amanda

50 comments:

  1. Oh my. Well that would pretty much be my internal dialogue too I guess.

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  2. I can post this here and not be quite so embarrassed! Here is my awkward story. I went for my annual well-woman check, and had forgotten about my fairly recently pierced nipples until she went to do the breast exam. Instead of keeping quiet, I started explaining why I got them and what the rings meant and everything. She just laughed and said that they weren't the first she had seen. But I still felt like I had to say something, since we are almost the same age with kids the same age. I walked out thinking "Oh well, at least it wasn't a dull appointment!"

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  3. Amanda, I am the queen of awkward -- I feel your pain! I talk about my vagina more often than not and then realize afterwards how inappopriate I was and how uncomfortable I probably made everyone.

    I am also just awkward in general. I just keep talking when I should STOP. I wish people would just stop me!

    And I'm sure the Beav is just fine! My legs on the other hand, bad news. I put shorts on the other day and couldn't believe how badly I let myself go.

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  4. I cannot stop laughing! www.dashingdiva.net

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  5. And this is EXACTLY why I started reading your blog!!!! I love this non-filter yap yap in your writing! Oh, you make me laugh. You made my hubby laugh and making him read a blog is like pouring acid in his eyes! He was laughing out loud! Every now and again we get a patient like this at work. Highlight of my day. Had a lady in for denture impressions who was informing me the benefits of having NO teeth. I think she was embarrassed about not taking care of her teeth and needing dentures but she was digging herself the BIGGEST hole. My favorite patient of the day-ha!

    Sasquatch in a Quaker skirt:) OK-going to chat you up about your appt. outside of this comment which would turn into a book....

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  6. HAHAHAHAHA! I love it. Own your awkwardness, Amanda. It's awesome.

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  7. You crack me up! I love how you put it all out there. Who needs filters anyway?! Life would be a lot more interesting without 'em. :)

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  8. Crap - now I have to try to clean all of the coffee off my keyboard; you made me spit it everywhere. I thought that your internal dialogue was way too funny. You keep things cracking.

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  9. I swear, any reason that I have to show that area is cause for me to become freaked out and probably talk a mile a minute. Heck, I apologize to Bud when I haven't shaved my legs for a few days. He says he doesn't care, but I still feel like I've let myself go.

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  10. Look at all the fodder you gave that office today! Quite generous of you, I'd say!

    Yeah, my filter isn't always on, either, and it definitely leads to some awkward moments.

    Hey, 50 miles is far better than nothing (I'm just happy to be at 30!) so you will be fine!

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  11. oh my gosh too funny! i like to make light in awkward situations as well, but people don't usually find me funny and it's more so for self entertainment. people probably think that i'm crazy.

    glad you're being gracious to your body, i'm sure it will thank and repay you later.

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  12. I was just laughing so hard my dad came into the room and started reading over my shoulder. He got about 3 lines in and then covered his eyes and started yelling *I'm not reading this. I'm not reading this.* Thanks for that. I love making my dad uncomfortable. lmao.

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  13. Glad you caught it early and didn't let it get out of control... the beav and the injuries :)

    I'm impressed by your 2 year old, you must have had some amazing tricks. Sorry about the race and the mileage cut back but at least you're still running.

    Thanks for the laughs, I live vicariously through you and your lack of verbal filter... I filter way too much all the time.

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  14. So, so funny. Embrace your filter-less femininity!

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  15. Oh my lord, you had me laughing out loud!

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  16. I think I need to email you! I might have an extra filter you can borrow. But it's used and might not work too well :)

    Really glad you got in for a check up on this. Plenty of time to get better. Small things can turn to big things, but you nipped it in the bud.

    Hope you have a great week, friend!

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  17. On a related awkward note, I'm having laser hair removal and it's freaking awesome.

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  18. This is why I love your blog. You make me feel like I'm not alone. Did you read my blog today about flying off my treadmill? I'm not alone in my awkward self!

    Be proud and keep blogging about it and I will too.

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  19. One of the reasons I so enjoy reading your blog - please stay filter-less ;)

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  20. Oh, goodness, I laughed and laughed through this. :) And then I got to the part where you said "I caught this before it got too bad" or something like that and totally at first thought you were referring to your landscaping. lol. Then I realized you meant the injury.

    This is not an embarrassing me story, but your story made me think of it. You know I teach, and there are a decent number of kids at our school with mohawks. These tend to be the black kids, so we're talking curly hair. One of the other teachers one day remarked on how that particular hairdo makes her think of a bikini wax. Now that's what I think every time I see one of those hairdos.

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  21. haha, beaver jokes never get old :-). Reminds me of a funny story. My neighbor has a very large, furry cat that is black with some brown and orange highlights. One day a neighbor kid came over and the cat was on top of the fridge. He looked up in amazement and said, "wow, is that your beaver?" :-). Now, whenever we go to her house someone also has to ask how her beaver is doing today :-).

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  22. Oh Dear God this post was hilarious! I love you and your lack of filter! My filter lackage has gotten me into more than a few awkward spots as well. Especially at work. I'm the boss! I'm supposed to be the good example! Woops.

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  23. Man, that was funny! Thanks so much for the laugh.

    I've had a couple of awkward medical moments myself in the past. The first involved finding a breast lump when I was pregnant with my first. Of course I had to have it all checked out which involved going to the hospital for an appointment. The intern that they sent in to do the initial assessment of my huge pregnant breast was someone I'd gone to high school with. He didn't remember me but I managed to introduce myself while he was giving my breast a poke.

    The second awkward moment was when I had a miscarriage of my third pregnancy. Of course I had to go to hospital again and of course I had to get another high school compatriot - the really cute one that I'd had a crush on. And once again I introduced myself to him while he had his hand up my you-know-where. Will I never learn?!!

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  24. So the taping...

    They didn't have to tape your...you know...hair? Cuz THAT would really hurt to take off :P

    Arnica on the bruising!

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  25. after the day i've had, this post was THERAPY. This is what I love about you Amanda! this is why I tell people you are fun to have around...not b/c I want to make fun o fyou but b/c you keep things light and funny. always good times when Mandy is there! ha ha! be thankful you didn't have 6 mos of hair growth growing down your legs or something...........lol....and what is an arborist? I should know this, but I don't.
    xx

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  26. HAH! HAHAHA! This is the best post ever. If you and I were to ever hang out it would be an awkward apocolypse! So funny. (I'm sorry that you're hurt, really I am, but I'm just laughing so hard about the awkward!)

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  27. oh boy! My husband TOTALLY lacks a filter. He could care less, but it makes things really awkward for me sometimes. Our marriage counselor told us we should agree on a secret word or phrase that I can work into a conversation or simply blurt out out if he's embarrassing me too much :D

    So...I've been married for 11 years and my husband TOTALLY cares about the state of my winter coat.
    What can I say? I like to stay warm. He can visit me again in the summer if it's such a big issue ;P

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  28. I am totally discreet. You really are a filter-lacking weirdo, but in a good way, if that's possible. :)

    "Ward, there's something wrong with the Beaver."

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  29. I'm totally awkward too. I would have been TMI too. I do love doc's response though! An arborist! Hahaha. Hubs might wonder what you've been doing if you have bruises on your beav...

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  30. I can relate...i think the best part is that they did get a chuckle out of it...the worst is when you say something like that and you hear crickets! I find I hang around people that can handle my 'openness'...it kind of filters out the shy and meek.

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  31. Ok graston(did I use the right word LOL) in your pelvic region!! OUCH! At that point all I was reading was blah blah because the to me sounds really really painful!

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  33. You crack me up Amanda! I have to ask though, what is graston therapy? It sounds painful and I hope you don't need it again.

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  34. ha ha so funny!!! I totally suffer from the filter issue as well so I can 100% relate to you. I ALWAYS speak before I think. dam it!!

    I am glad you caught this early and can still run.

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  35. ha ha so funny!!! I totally suffer from the filter issue as well so I can 100% relate to you. I ALWAYS speak before I think. dam it!!

    I am glad you caught this early and can still run.

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  36. You have to think they've seen it all! But I would have felt the same way, even if I might not have said anything.

    Catching up with your posts...congrats on the 10K PR, Amanda! Super fast and a nice medal for the AG.

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  37. I'm a fairly awkward person, but rarely feel embarrassed. It's more like I embarrass those around me. I'm told I use my loud voice when I should use my quiet voice. You know, like a toddler...I'll be all "what's the big deal I'm just talking about blah blah blah." While I'm simultaneously be shushed.

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  38. Ha ha! Funny (and so true) post. Considering my chiro is a super religious Southern Baptist your story has some very special meaning to me!

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  39. HAHA This is too funny! I can totally see where your coming from. In my eyes it's more awkward if no one says anything about the awkward moment so I just call it out and joke around and then everyone can have a laugh and lighten up about it.

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  40. hilarious. they probably live for people like you to break up the monotony. how's this for embarrassing? when they were prepping me for my third c-section the nurse asked me if they needed to 'shave' me down there? I replied, "i don't know...maybe." she looked and said something to the tone of, "oh ya, for sure. there are a lot of young girls that have it all cleaned up down there." first of all, since when am I not 'young'? i was 29 for crying out loud. second, apparently, I wasn't as 'cleaned' up as I thought. A big pregnant belly, gets in the way you know!! Lol.

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  41. i sooooo enjoy your filterlessness! please don't change!

    this whole thing was so funny. I hope your injuries heal quickly!

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  42. Oh Amanda - I love you! That is hilarious! I like his response as well - sharp! I am forever putting my foot in my mouth or being too "Dutch" as my friends say... But it just slips out!

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  43. But sweetie, it wouldn't be YOU if you didn't put your foot in your mouth now and then, would it? :) I definitely think I was the talk of my PT's dinner table after I'd go in some weeks, he was constantly rolling his eyeballs at me!

    Anyhoo, glad you got the hamstring situation taken care of quickly before it turned into something major. I know my hammie lets me know it's not overly happy but my PT says it's just an imbalance thing so I work on my hips and it really helps it.

    Sorry about the race :(. There'll be plenty of others out there waiting for ya...that sub 41 is IN YA girl!!

    xo

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  44. I totally would have obsessed about the bush too and made sure everyone else knew it was ok to make fun of the elephant in the room instead of the awkward hairy silence!!!
    You know you light up their day!

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  45. bahahaha! You successfully used Sasquatch in a post! this had me rolling

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  46. hahaha I am SO sorry I didn't read this sooner. hahahahahha GREAT story.

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  47. Ahh, so glad you call it a beav. That's the going term at our house too. :)

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  48. OMG, I laughed my way through this, because I can totally relate! I'm the SAME way...it's like you feel like you need to mention it because you don't want them thinking, "I wonder if she knows that she's all out of control down there". It's like pointing out a small zit on your face before other people notice it because you don't want them thinking that you don't know you have a zit on your face.

    I can't believe you can still run 50 miles even with an injury. I can barely walk 3 miles without feeling like I'm gonna keel over. You go, girl!

    If you want to feel a little better about this embarrassing experience, read this post of mine from awhile back....

    http://www.twosetsoftwins.com/2009/12/yeah-thats-just-little-bit-awkward.html

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  49. I feel your pain!!! I had been letting mine "grow out" for a few weeks so that I could finally get my "slip and slide" done since my hip surgery in late August. It is winter, and I had been wearing running pants to physical therapy for quite so me time and was getting away with that...and I should have known better!!! near the end of my session he told me to go change into shorts so that he could ultrasound that area of my hip.......UGH...I almost had instant diarreah and proceeded to tell him why I was so...well you get my drift, right?

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