I want to be on super hero/hung the moon status too. Instead, I'm the one they see day in and day out. I'm the one who enforces the rules around the house during the day and makes sure they have consequences when they don't follow them. I'm the one that makes them eat their breakfast and get showered and dressed for school. The one that loses her cool when they continue to scream at each other for something completely ridiculous like eating the goldfish that fell on the floor or for using the marker that their sister wanted to use . I'm the one that makes them have quiet time so I can have a break. The one that says no to sugar and t.v. when they've had too much. I'm the one they see every. single. day. I love this, cherish it, and I know deep down they do too but by the time the weekend comes, I'm old news.
This morning I told the girls that I would be gone all next weekend for four days to go to Napa with my girlfriends. I kind of expected at least an "oh, we'll miss you mommy!" or "Why are you going?" or some sort of sign that they were bummed to see me go. Instead they cheered loudly and jumped on their Dad with a shout of "hooray!". What?! Now, just to be honest, I'm equally excited to have a break from them so I really do understand and know that they are just excited to be with their daddy but it still feels crummy to feel so easily discarded.
This was a long week with kids. It wasn't a typical week but one of those weeks where everyone, including me, was cranky, sick and irritable. I'm tired. I'm sick of hearing my girls fight and finding myself acting just like them. I'm sick of hearing the voice in my head mocking me with "Do as I say, not as I do" as I resort to yelling, knowing perfectly well that it isn't the appropriate parental response. This was just one of those weeks that I felt lost as as a mom and missed being the teacher in the classroom just a little. It was a week I missed having my students think I "hung the moon". This was a week that I needed a long run. A run where I could just pour all my stress out on the road and come back to myself and remember why I'm doing this and why I love it so much. Unfortunately, I'm not there yet with running so I can only think of the runs to come.
I know my kids love me and they know I love them. I love my job and am forever thankful for my lot in life. I know we all have those days and weeks where we find ourselves in a funk. After a little pity party and cry, I got away for a workout...elliptical and bike are better than nothing. Then I spent time shopping (for me) and grocery shopping alone, which felt heavenly! When I got back, my hubby had every item out of the refrigerator and was cleaning the shelves and wiping down the condiments. I think he really did hang the moon.
Check out this awesome refrigerator job! Thanks Hon!
There was really no reason for me to feel like an outcast. I was just emotional after a tiring week. The cuddles and shouts of joy that came my way when I walked in the door reminded me just how much my kids appreciate me. I know what it is like to have someone around that you don't see as often as you'd like and taking for granted people that you see every day. I know that I'm doing the best I can and that in the end it will all add up to great memories and a solid foundation of love. It's just easy to lose yourself in the day-to-day world of motherhood. Motherhood can seem like one of the most thankless jobs but it is also one of the most rewarding. I'm looking forward to the break next weekend and to coming back fresh. Maybe then, I'll also be the one who "hung the moon".