Returning to Running and Remembering Me

Okay, here I go!  I'm one of those people that has never understood blogging or had any desire to blog before until now.  What's different?  I'm on my second year of stay-at-home motherhood and finding myself with an overwhelming desire for an outlet or form of expression for myself....a way to use my brain and rekindle my passions...a way to not lose myself in motherhood but rather excel at it because of keeping myself passionately alive!  Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother!  It is what I always wanted.  I love everything it means to be home with my three children and watch them grow up.  I love being a part of their every day and being around to celebrate when they first discover the world! 

Leaving my job as a teacher has been one of the hardest decisions of my life.  I'm passionate about teaching.  Teaching makes me feel alive.  When I'm teaching and touching lives, I feel like I'm using my gifts. Being away from my job as a teacher has left me feeling waves of  being unmotivated and uninspired.  There are times I find myself forgetting about my passions for early literacy  instruction, writing, and what it is like to inspire learners.  I think that is what so many stay-at-home mothers struggle with...finding the balance between giving to your children and keeping yourself alive and passionate. 

So, that brings me to the running part of runninghood...Running has always been a way for me to be spiritual and passionate.  It is soul food.  Running keeps me whole, balanced, and deliciously excited about life! It is my outlet, my joyful prayer that brings me home to myself and reminds me of my gifts and passions! It is now, when I find myself unable to run that I feel the most lost in life. 

 I ran competitively in high school and college and I continued to run for fun and self fulfillment.  My running slowed down considerably once I started having babies and now that we're done, I find myself wanting to run more than ever.  I don't just want to run...I want to finally push past my limits as a runner.  I want to discover what I can do without the emotional barriers that limited me before.  I want to run to feel alive! I want to run to clear my head and remind myself of me. I crave running more than I've craved something in a long time.

A little over two months ago, while training for the Portland Marathon, I destroyed my hamstring from a fall in the forest at mile 9 of an 18 miler.  Okay, so "destroy" is a little dramatic but that is how it felt to me.  I completely tore one of the hamstring muscles and it has changed my pace in life quite a bit.  Going from running a considerable amount of mileage and being on track for a personal record in the Portland Marathon to not being able to do much activity at all left me feeling depressed, a little lost and needing something to fill the void in my personal endeavors.  This injury also lit a fire within me to do something great with running, my professional passions, and motherhood. What better way to focus on our goals and passions than to reflect and live within ourselves for a bit and what better what to do that than write! 

I'm on the mend...After 9 weeks of therapy with a sports chiropractor, lots of positive thinking and prayer, and an incredible amount of love and support from friends and family, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  My goal is to start running again by the new year!  I'm hoping that I'll not only run again, but I'll find myself running like I've never imagined possible.  I'm hoping for personal growth as a runner as well as a mother, educator, wife and friend. 

So, that's what this blog will be for me...an opportunity to reflect, set goals, and write about my journey as a mother, runner, educator, and student of life!   Here's hoping that this will help light a much needed spark in my soul!