Saturday, June 4, 2011

Mini Race Recap...I came, I saw, I hit the wall!




The above picture is right before my marathon this morning.  Opened my card from Jenn...filled with such sweet words of encouragement.  Made me cry and smile all at once.  She included this awesome tat for me to sport during my 26.2.  The temps were already warm at 6 a.m.  I was happy then but not so much when I was running in 80 plus degrees by 9 a.m.  

I was feeling strong and confident about this race and my goals for a 3:15 or even better.  This was my e-mail to Ana Maria: 

So beautiful here! Perfect night's sleep! Sunshine and blue
skies for the first time in forever, heading off to the beach in a few. NO
reason to hold back and no excuses! I'm going for it! And for the first time
in my life I'm not scared to say that and I'm not giving myself an excuse NOT
to! wooo hooo. And if fall on my ass doing it then oh well, at least I went
for it! :) 


Well, I went for it!  First half of the marathon was 1:37.  
And then I did fall on my ass doing it!  
But I went for it.  

I hit the wall hard!  
BAM! 
No excuses.  
Just couldn't cut it today.  
Didn't have it.  
The heat,
My legs,
Needing water,

I've never felt more like QUITTING!  
At mile 15 I thought that I could go NO MORE! 
Every step was a battle.  
My 7:20-7:30 goal soon turned into a fight to hold on to a sub 9 min pace.  

Hardest race I've ever run in my LIFE!  
I found myself making a deal with that voice in my head,
Telling myself that if I could just finish then I would be proud and happy. 

But still felt a loss,
When it was all done
And a need to process, and be with my "Race Residue" for some time.

But it is what it is.  
I wasn't there today. 
I didn't have it.  
Took off too fast? Maybe.

I found myself stopping to walk for water,
Hanging my head in between my knees trying not to pass out,
Wanting to Quit,
For the firs time in my life.  
Never had a race that tested my will so much....a race that made me fight with all I had.  

Mile 24 and I didn't know how I would make it.  
Mile 25 and I had t close my eyes and remove myself from everything. 
Mile 26 and I didn't know if I could manage a run to the finish.  

Finally Done.  3:30:17.  I'll take it.  No use pouting and whining and saying What if.... I could have... I should have....

It was what it was.  I took care of myself.  I'm proud of myself for fighting and I'm so happy to be finished.  

Some Random pics and more a recap when I have time....










Best Father in law in the world! He took all the pictures.

Mother and Father in-law




Finish line.  I was dead.





Thank you for all your loving e-mails, videos (Raina), comments, and texts!!  Love you guys!
Amanda

67 comments:

  1. You. Are. Awesome!!

    Okay - you did a full marathon - and hit a wall - and finished about 40 minutes after I finished my first half marathon! Heck, I'm hoping I finish my next half in the time you raced today!

    And how cute did you look doing it??

    Congratulations!!

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  2. 3:30 and hitting a wall half way through?
    STILL super fast,even on an "off" day!!!
    although you didnt get the time you wanted,you did a GREAT ob fighting that mental battle battle and finishing!!!
    proud of ya!!!
    :D

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  3. Congrats on the race for more reasons than finishing! Awesome - what you overcame during the race. You looked super cute and your kids are just adorable and look so happy to see you!
    SUPER Congrats!
    If it's any consollation my last marathon I went out too fast too and paid for it in the end - BUT, if you don't give it everything you've got then you never know. On another day THE TIME YOU WENT IN THE FIRST HALF COULD BE PERFECT!

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  4. Wow, wow, wow! Amanda, I know it wasn't your goal, but that was amazing. Girl, I just looked back, and your 2003 marathon PR--before kids, when you surely had more time to train--8 years ago--is only 8 minutes behind this. You're amazing. You're going to hit your goal at some point, and when you do, it'll be all the sweeter for having fought and fought for it. Hang out with your residue all you want, but don't go hanging your head. You rocked that race, and if it rocked you a little back, well, you fought through it and came through a stronger person.

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  5. Amanda, YOU are a BEAUTIFUL person! Inside and out!!!

    It was HOT HOT HOT in the pacific Northwest today. God decided to flip the switch to summer yesterday, and that wasn't good timing for you.

    I know how hard you worked for this. You have every reason to be proud. Every reason.

    And you'll never wonder if you gave enough ...You did and then some.

    Enjoy the beach.
    Love ya, girl!

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  6. Ummm.... it looks hot and sunny in the pictures, so I can only imagine what it actually felt like wearing black! Way to hang it there! And, I love that your race bag has the Rogue brewery logo. I love Rogue!

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  7. So inspiring! 3:30 for a race that sucked is pretty bomb dot com if you ask me! You could have slowed down to a jog or walked and still finished in good time but you still pushed hard. Amazing girl, amazing!

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  8. You.are.the.shit. No doubt about that. So honest. I admire you beyond words.

    Sure would be nice if one could practice a marathon....1:37-great pace first half. Certainly right on pace for your ability and I'm proud of you for taking the risk and doing it. I'm pretty sure the second half was more impressive than the first half however, regardless of the time. True perseverance. Love your email to AM and how you totally lay it out there. No excuses, and not ONCE have I heard an excuse from you EVER. Honestly, you are one of the most inspiring people I've met. Not only because your a superb athlete, mother, friend but because you are vulnerable and true and make others feel like they don't need to be anything other that WHO THEY ARE!

    Beautiful pics! Athleta or Lulu or someone needs to get their hands on you!! My favorites are really the finish line one that just really paints a picture, the one in the chair after the finish and the one in your glasses with your daughter. You are such a beautiful woman, like Raina says, Inside AND out!

    Congrats Amanda! Boston bound! So proud of you!!

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  9. Congrats!!! I'm thinking like everyone else...thats a pretty awesome wall to hit!!! You looked like you were doing pretty good at the end. Btw..what type of shorts are those?? they look comfy.

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  10. YOU ARE INCREDIBLE!!! I love that tattoo. Girl, I could not run in that heat. It isn't fair how amazing you looked as you ran and afterwards.....gorgeous!!!! GREAT TIME!!!!

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  11. I'm hoping to have a time that good when I run my HALF marathon.

    PS - the pictures of you getting your massage on, with the minis around you are adorable! It's obvious that there is so much love going on!

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  12. Yes, I love those pics at the end of the race. One of the things I love about racing is the unknown, the multitude of emotions, the suspense. Sometimes everything clicks, and other times things do not go as planned. It was hot, you are not accustomed yet with the heat, and it was just not your day. But you did not give up. Races that do not go as planned are harder than those who go as planned, even though our finish time is slower. The moment you realize you can't get your goal is so painful an it makes is so difficult to continue pushing through. We learn so much about ourselves in those moments. You learned that no matter what is thrown at you, you can do it, you can contain the pain and push through it! You did that today! And the 3:15, it will come, you have the fitness, you just need "your day".

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  13. On the one hand, I totally understand feeling disappointment when you don't reach your goals, but you still completely ROCKED that marathon!! And your smile at the end tells even more of the story than your words, be super proud of what you accomplished!!

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  14. You are smokin fast even when you are slow! I know it wasn't quite your goal, but with the heat you had to expect some slow down.

    Love the tat too!

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  15. You are one hot mama! Congratulations on your finish! :) My mom ran a half this morning and wasn’t happy with her time and I told her the same thing I’ll tell you....

    .. time doesn’t (always) matter. 26.2 miles is 26.2 miles that you ran!!! Be proud. Way to go! :)

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  16. I'm off to bed as I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn so I need to eep this short but will email you later... I just wanted you to know I admire you for finishing what was a very tough race. Those weather Gods decided to throw a number at you and I am sorry you had to suffer so much. Your strength and determinion ot finish is so admirable, I have nothing but respect for you. Congrats girlie (and I'd have text you but I don't have your number :( ). Enjoy your victory, girl...wear that drop-dead gorgeous medal with pride!!

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  17. You should hold your head high for a race run well!! You had no control over the weather and unfortunately it didn't go your way today. You worked your tail off and no matter how hard you bonked, you ran it well. Way to dig deep, finish strong, and gut it out until the end....with an amazing time in my book! :) The wall is not a fun feeling (probably the worst) and I hope you (and I) never have to experience it again!!! It's so awful because not only are you dealing with the physical pain but the mental anguish as you watch your goals pass on by and there is nothing you can do about it but will to finish. Will to finish you did. Way to go!! You look amazing. strong. and happy. The pictures of your smiles and tears are the perfect picture story of the journey of a marathon. You are a rockstar, Amanda and you have so much ahead of you. Congrats on another marathon!!! Oh, and how cute are your in-laws?!!! Enjoy some rest and relaxation. Hugs.

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  18. OH MY GOSH!!! how could i forget?!!! Girl, you BQd!!!! A million congrats on that, Amanda. Not your goal time but an amazing accomplishment. BOSTON 2012!!

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  19. Ow that;s tough. I've been there - just wanting to die because dying would be easier than finishing this race but knowing you can't quit because you're just not a quitter. The photos are great. They don't show one ounce of disappointment.

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  20. Love your honest recap... love the pictures that tell the story. So proud of you for kicking your own butt early on... and sticking with it as hard as you could for as long as you could AND finishing in 3:30. You are amazing :)
    xxxooo
    XL

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  21. Amanda. Amazing job. And you looked gorgeous while doing it! Love that pink hat on you.

    Congrats!

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  22. YAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAY!!!! I am so thrilled for you, you rock even more than I thought you did :)

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  23. Oh Amanda - you did an amazing job on a tough day and you are so incredibly fast even when you hit the wall! I know what it's like when you don't achieve what you had hoped for time-wise, but I think you really did put everything into this race and worked as hard as you possibly could to do this thing. Truly - that's all you can ask for. Time goals are dangerous - there are too many variables - but you really gave it everything. Go celebrate - you've achieved something amazing!

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  24. Great job Amanda. It was HOT out there!! You are so very fast. I cannot imagine keeping that pace for that long. WELL Done, girl!!

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  25. Congratulations Amanda! You finished what sounds like a very hard run. But I must say, you look fabulous in every photo! I'm sure you didn't feel fabulous, but you looked it! :)

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  26. Wall or not - that time is awesome!!!! Congratulations!! I love the medal or should I say glass award? Very cool.

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  27. Awesome job Amanda! 3:30 and you hit the wall?!? Amazing! Way to battle through some tough conditions!! Congrats!

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  28. I *almost* did this marathon!

    Congrats! Oh, and btw, you look way too cute and fabulous to have just run 26.2 miles.

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  29. Great photos! Maybe the time wasn't exactly what you wanted, but you were amazing! Can't believe that half in 1:37--so speedy!
    Congrats!!!
    :)

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  30. What great pics! And huge congrats!!! I know you didn't hit the goal you wanted, but your time is still GREAT and you pushed through during tough conditions. Be proud! Great job. :)
    hugs!

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  31. The time might not have been what you wanted, but that is still SO amazing!! Congrats on a great race!!

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  32. I'm sorry you didn't get the time you wanted, but that is still an amazing time and accomplishment! You should be so proud of yourself. And the pics look great! Congratulations!! :)

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  33. Girl, you are amazing. I know you were shooting for faster, but a 3:30 is FAST. Very proud of you!

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  34. Wow, you are the first marathoner to ever Hit The Wall :-) Not only was your time awesome, you pushed through the wall. I didn't see no DNF in this post. I say, Congrats.

    That being said, I also empathise with not achieving your objective. I guess you can be disappointed and proud at the same time.

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  35. Congrats!!! You look so happy in all the pics :) love it

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  36. OMG - you look so great (before AND after the race!) Congrats - your time is AWE.SOME. in my book!! I totally love the tatoo - I want one... my first 26.2 training starts tomorrow!! And kudos to your FIL - great photos!

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  37. Inspiring. Both your fabu race and your rockin' arms! Congratulations!!!

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  38. Love the tat. If I was to ever get a tattoo, it would have something to do with the marathon.

    Sorry you didn't hit your goal time. I know the feeling. A 3:30:xx is still a great time IMHO.

    When I have a marathon turn out like yours, I end up with even more resolve to make the next one turn out different.

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  39. You are AMAZING!
    Congrats! You did freaking awesome.
    Love all the photos!

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  40. Good job going for it! You are so awesome. As much as I was enjoying the warm weather yesterday, I was thinking about you and how hot it must be to be racing in it. Way to power through and finish strong. You look great in your pictures and so happy with your family. Hope recovery goes well and quickly. I can't wait to read more about it. I think you rock!!

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  41. You should definitely be proud of yourself. Maybe you didn't meet your initial time goal, but you still ran a very impressive time on a hot day! You are going to hit your goal sometime soon! I have tremendous respect for and faith in your abilities. I am in awe of you!

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  42. You still did awesome. I had a 20k yesterday. As I'm ready the recap of your race I would of thought you were with me when I ran my race yesterday. I was good till 6 miles after that I just did not have anymore energy in me and I could not get enough water. The heat and humid temp took a toll on me. I am just glad it wasnt an marathon, because I dont know where I would found the energy to go any futher than I did. You ROCKED that marathon. Their will be another one with much cooler temps next time. Amanda, Congrats on a great finsh gir.

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  43. You finished....with a smile!!! It's never easy!! BIG HUGS, I'll check back later :) !

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  44. For a hward race you posted a GREAT time, wow oh wow seriosuly impressive. Love all the photos you are so fit and athletic looking. STUD MOM!!

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  45. Hi;-)

    Nice job! Way to go! and fantastic time- both the experience and your race time;-)

    ;)

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  46. Congrats on your marathon! I think you did really well despite hitting the wall at the end. It happens to all of us so we can all relate. You will ROCK the next one. Rest and recovery well.

    Thanks for coming over and saying some nice things :)

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  47. Gosh Amanda.. I sure hope I get to meet you one day. You are such an incredible inspiration!!!!!!!! ((hugs))

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  48. Congrats on finishing!!! I'm going to be running in the second 5k I've ever run on Saturday, but I weigh about 30lbs more and my first was before my 2 most recent babies were born. I am just going to be proud I finish. I think you did awesome, and I really love the pics!!! Your blog is awesome and inspiring!!! You'll meet your goal next race, I know you can do it!

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  49. I'll take a 3:30! And your jacked arms please, too :) I love the no-holds mentality. Sometimes you just have to go for it!

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  50. Ok, that's an amazing time for someone who hit a wall! You are incredible. Way to fight for it when the going was tough. Hot and marathons just dont' mix!

    All that said, I know you are disappointed and I'm sorry about that. But be proud of yourself, know that you have your goal time in you, and come back another day to get it. Congrats Amanda!

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  51. Wow, thats still really impressive! Sorry you didn't have the race you were hoping for.

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  52. Sounds like the race overall went great! No race can be perfect in terms of pacing and everything, especially a marathon which is so weather dependent. a 1:37 first half and 1:53 2nd half does sound tough for the 2nd half. You said that you haven't ran a marathon since 2004, it is so hard to pace a marathon. Enjoy the after marathon glow for a while!

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  53. I said a lot through my text, but wanted to reiterate how proud I am of you!! You did not give in. Race day can bring you anything, and if it wasn't for your stellar training, you would have had an even harder time.

    3:30 is still SOOOO fast (I know speed is relative), but if you can do that when you feel less than 100% and mother nature turns on the heat lamp, I know you can run even faster in the future.

    I hope you were able to enjoy the weekend with family and friends. What a journey!

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  54. Congratulations on your marathon! I think even though you didn't hit your goal of 3:15 you still accomplished so much and achieved another goal - getting back to running marathons! and on top of all that you overcame a major injury while doing it (and with 3 kids!) all things to be extremly proud of! I hope you are enjoying your accomplishments.

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  55. CONGRATS Amanda on a GREAT race!! I had a friend out there and heard it was just HOT. You pushed through and finished with a great time even though it wasn't what you hoped. Those days seem to make us the strongest. Congrats again!

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  56. You are an inspiration!!! :)

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  57. Hey, I know it wasn't the time that you wanted... But you still ran a KICK ASS TIME in the heat! Can't do nothin' about the weather, girl. I feel ya. I had the same issues in my April marathon. Hot + ooops, forgot about those hills. Yikes.

    You are amazing!!!! You didn't give up! Proud of you.

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  58. I think you deserve to be on the cover of Runner's World! Wow! 3:30 AND you hit the proverbial wall?! 3:30 is my goal in chicago and that would never happen if there was any sort of wall. You're amazing!! The pictures all turned out beautifully too. You rock.

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  59. i'm still amazed by you. Your face says it all. Bitter sweet feeling girl. You got plenty of more time to race a 3:15. Way to push through!

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  60. You look great girl!!
    Hey...running when you just feel like sitting is just has hard as running fast!! Be proud!
    Take care of yourself and relax for a couple days at least!!

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  61. Ahh, this is almost a flash back to my marathon experience from last fall where it was my first marathon in 2 1/2 years and the race went basically the same way. There are controllable and uncontrollable things on race morning, and the weather is never in our control.

    BUT you are back in the game lady. 3:30 is a good clip, ESPECIALLY when you haven't ran a marathon in 7 years! You have only begun to open the door to your abilities here, and like you said somedays we can show up to the line and it just isn't our day. The best part about this is that you proved to yourself that you are a fighter not a quitter. You fought for every second of that race and overcame the doubt, and that is the most challenging part of a marathon.

    Your "race residue" may stick for awhile, I know mine did. But the things it will teach you will be far greater then you can imagine. It is a hard thing to swallow when 24 weeks of blood, sweat, and tears do not hold up to our expectations. After awhile the wounds will heal, and this will become your fuel for the future.

    I have a lot of admiration and respect for you, and I also believe that you are an amazing woman that is capable of truly amazing things. You accomplished something that some people can only dream about, and that my friend makes you a hero in my eyes.

    Enjoy your recovery and the beach, you've for sure earned some RNR!

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  62. You did fantastic. I heard the conditions were less than ideal. My good friend also did this race and said it was HOT.

    You really did awesome!

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  63. Congratulations on this run!!! You live, you run, you learn. And what are walls for if not to run into them anyway.

    btw...if I had your legs, I'd cut mine off.

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  64. Those are some happy-looking photos post-race, great job!

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  65. YAY! SERIOUS congratulations!!!

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