Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Taking the LOAD Off!

I'm up early this morning trying to catch even thirty minutes to myself before the whirlwind of a day starts.  It really isn't that early but lately I've been staying up super late trying to write and fit things in for myself that I didn't get to during the day. This makes is really hard for me, a person that already has a difficult time waking up early, to get my butt out of bed.    I don't know how you early morning runners do it.  I suppose I'm going to have to find out soon since I'm really not going to have much of a choice if I want to fit my mileage in.  

My. Head. Is. So. FULL!  
I mean scattered full.  
I have a million different thoughts 
To-DO Lists.
Deadlines, no matter how simple of a task, all due this week.
They've been piled on my counter
staring at me every morning.
The list getting
And I'm feeling more and more spread thin.
And more like eating my kids for dinner.  
My hat goes off to women that have a full-time job in addition to all the home stuff, kids stuff, and other stuff going on.  I suppose I wouldn't have this other stuff if I was working but there would always be STUFF!    

It is one of those weeks or several weeks that I'm feeling like I'm doing a lot of things just "okay" and nothing really
I know this isn't true and it is that part of my brain that comes out and wants to tell me that I'm not enough and that I need to be better.  That I'm falling behind and need to step up my game.  
I'm working on this people!  I know, I know....seriously I don't need to hear it from one more person that I'm too hard on myself.  Please don't.  If anyone knows how hard I am on myself, it's me.  Trust me, I know. I go to bed with a long list running through my head every night of ways I feel like I'm falling in the cracks. 

And the more my plates start spinning, The HARDER I am on myself.  

This morning I woke up with so much stuff in my head.  
To-Do Lists (we hall have them),
Tired mind,
Hurdles that I've already set up for myself to jump. 
Stuff that is keeping me from being that

I'm missing that part of me that just says whatever is really going on in my head and my life and lays it out there. Raw. That piece of me seems to be so darn guarded the past few weeks.  Not sure why I've all of a sudden decided to use my "filter" since I've come this far in life without it.  Not sure when I forgot that this is a blog where I share my REAL self and let people take me as I am.  Not sure why I haven't told you MOTHERS (the hood part of Runninghood) out there all about my crazy raging two-year old boy stories that make ME a CRAZY raging almost 33 year old, or the funny things that my kids say and do, the mini-me of a daughter that I have that is like looking in a mirror with the things she says, does, and how she looks, or the ALREADY pressure I feel in trying to keep up with the homework coming home and making sure I do the things that will help my kids stay on top of the crazy rat race of a game here in SUBURBIA.  I'm not quite sure why I've been so darn

Harder on myself 
it seems.  

I'm looking at the clock: 7:15.  I still have to make lunches, get my kids up and dressed and out the door by 7:55.  And here I am writing a blog.  But I feel like it is something I need to write this morning.  A public processing.  
A "putting it out there" blog to tell myself that I'm going to:

  1. Have GRACE with myself.  I'm going to end the day telling myself one or two things that I did GREAT at.  And I'm going to love myself for that.  
  2. Stop feeling so darn guilty for the things that I'm NOT getting to.  It's okay.  My kids won't grow up emotionally damaged because I didn't sit down with them and look in their eyes and tell them that I love them.  They won't grow up to be losers because I didn't read to them for one day or teach them something new.  THEY WILL BE FINE and they WILL LOVE me anyway. In fact, they will be better off without a mom that feels guilty...kids pick up on this stuff and it is NO good.  
  3. Get back to that filter-lacking, say it like it is and not care so much about what others think Amanda!  I miss this Amanda.  Greatly.  That is part of what makes Runninghood REAL.  
  4. Share more of the SHIT in my life...the crazy, shitty, hair pulling, screaming parts of motherhood that we all have and that MIGHT, just might make you feel better about yours.  
  5. NOT wear my Zensah compression tights on backwards when I go run my 8 miles at the gym today.  Yup, they are on the right way this time and they feel  SO GOOD after doing Jillian Michaels and a double jogger hill run yesterday.
  6. Get to what I can get to today and try to get finished with one or two things off my list instead of looking at the WHOLE picture.  If I can just tie up one writing project and then move on to the next then maybe, just maybe I'll have more clarity with the rest of the little things floating around on my mental and physical to-do lists.
  7. Go wake up my daughter and get this ball rolling.  I already feel better!  

Random Questions that I really want to know YOUR answer to:
1.  Tell me 1-3 women that inspire you. 
2.  What is a crazy motherhood moment you had recently?  Yesterday I let my 2 year old son skip a nap.  Bad news.  He wanted something for a snack and I was only offering him vegetables so he ripped the salad dressing from the the fridge door and smashed it on the ground.  Fun times.  And no, I didn't react the way all those perfect parenting books tell you that you should.  I did, however, react.  I may have a bald spot on the side of my head.
3.  What marathon training plan do you use if you are a marathon runner?  I'm thinking more and more of just letting my husband write my plan from the Jack Daniel's book.  He would also incorporate aspects from other plans.  I might also follow the plan in the Run Faster book by Hudson and Fitzgerald.  



  1. PLEASE tell me crazy stories about your 2 year-old so I don't feel like I'm on planet Mars with mine!!! It is like living with Sybil! A woman I admire is my Mom...more now that I am a mom then before I was one! Seriously I have no clue how she held it all together! She has been married to my Dad for 47 years...45 of which he has suffered from Chrone's Disease and has come close to death more times than I care to count. She took care of my grandmother in our house for 6 months after she had a major stroke at 91 until she passed away so that she could die at home. She is constantly giving to others and has been that quiet, unwavering support for EVERYONE in her life forever. And through it all I can honestly say that she has never complained, gotten angry over her situation, or asked for anything in return. She exemplifies grace and I love her! However even she chased us a few times with the wooden spoon so meltdowns must happen to us all!! Right?

  2. Oh Amanda, you are the sweetest and most sincere person. I know how you feel about being overwhelmed and having a gazillion "to do" lists. There are days when I don't know how I am going to make it through because I have so much stuff going on upstairs. Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy! Like you, I am my biggest critique. My mom always (to this day) tells me not to be so hard on myself. Sometimes its hard for me to let stuff go and just RELAX. Surprisingly, one of the goals I set for myself last week is to relax.

    I am so excited to hear about your new treadmill and your Boston training. If you want any advice about Boston, just let me know. It was one of the best weekends of my life and I can't wait to go back someday. You are going to rock your training- I just know it. If you still haven't decided on a training plan, let me know. I would be more than happy to share my plan with you. It has worked wonders for me.

    I was looking at Jillian's videos on Amazon last night. I just might have to buy one. I hope that you aren't too sore and walking all funny today. When I am sore, my hubby tells me I walk like a duck, WTH? Haha.

    I have so many women that have inspired me over the years. I would have to say the most inspirational would be mom, my aunt, and my best friend. They all have taught me so much and are great role models. :-)

    I hope that you have a GREAT day.

  3. I have to get out the door, so admittedly, I skimmed a bit. However, deep breath! Often when I feel myself shutting off and shutting down/guarding myself, I'm under attack from the enemy. He's a stinker and likes to isolate us. Don't give him that power. I believe that just by posting this very post, you took that back from him. Isolation sucks and makes us feel sucky... Praying for you today!

  4. Sorry your 2 yr old skipped the nap yesterday. I wish kids realized that in 20-something years they will wish they could take daily naps. I know I wish I could! I am actually looking around for a marathon training plan that suits me. I will probably write part of it myself using a combination of others plans. We'll see. Glad you got to write this morning. It will make you feel better the rest of the day!

  5. I think we all struggle with getting it all in, I am still trying to master the art of letting it go. I don’t have kids so I can’t even imagine what it’s like. My life is crazy enough with just dogs, house, husband, traing, job and family.

    As for random questions:
    1. Two women who really inspire me are my mom, who is hard working and dedicated and Jan Goodall because she lives her passion so completely
    2. No kiddos
    3. I used a really simple plan from about.com last time, this time I will be using a coach. I am nervous to give up control (type A much?) but I hope it will make me better!

  6. Sometimes filter-having is a good thing. It's important to be authentic, for sure, but that doesn't mean you have to put everything out there. I'm way open about ME, not so much always about my family (especially on my blog, rather than on my comments) because they have varying opinions about having stuff about them made public.

    Which brings me to my motherhood moment, when I opened my 17 year old's 1st quarter report card to find an F and a D after the quarter had been going really well. Part of me feels like a complete failure (why can't I stay on top of his stuff, what should I be doing to make sure he is doing better) and part of me is thinking, hey, you're practically an adult now, I can't wipe your butt forever. That report card pretty much took the wind out of my sails, and they weren't all that full of wind to begin with.

    Women I admire: I have this friend who's an amazing teacher, a great mom, and so disciplined about working out. She takes away all my excuses (I have a job...she does too...I have kids...she does too). The ladies in my bike club...fearless on the trails, kickass athletes, and yet they'll take the time to ride with complete newbies just because they want more women riding.

    Not training for a marathon, and I know the plan I used was not nearly as detailed as you're going to want.

  7. With a 4yr old and a 2yr old boy, both with Autism, I feel like my life is crazy on top of some more crazy! Share away!

  8. I think part of what makes us move each day is the hectic schedules we have. I am comming out of a rut cause I have been so busy that running has not been on my priority list. But at the same time it's crazy to think that I don't even know what I do with myself when I'm not so busy. I feel guilty a lot for not spending those moments with my son while I'm out running, but I have to remember that getting out and running helps me as a person. Helps me think, solve my problems for the day, week month, just gives me that alone time every mother needs.

    For your questions..
    1. A woman that inspires me each and every day is a woman named Lisa Hallett. Her husband was in my husbands company commander (in the Army) and their unit was deployed for Operation Enduring Freedom 2009-2010. Her husband, Captain John Hallett was killed in action a month after they deployed He never got to meet his 2 week old daughter at the time and also left behind two small children. With all this heart ache, Lisa has been such a strong inspiring woman. She is done everything she can to keep her husband memory and the other 40 soldiers that died alive. She started up the group Wear Blue: Run to Remember as a way to cope with the stress of deployement and the tragedy it too often leads too. You can read more about the group and her at www.wearblueruntoremember.org But I would say she is #1 on my list for inspiring women.

    2. This past weekend my son and nephew were playing in the garage and decided to get on my husbands motorcyle, they ended up dropping it (no one got hurt) I was not home, was actually out running a race and got the text of what they had done. Well the bad thing was they lied about it and blamed it on our dog. One I was relieved no one got hurt, but was seriously pissed they lied and continually lied about it. I to just take a breather moment, but they finally confessed after I seperated the two and asked them what happened. Ugh kids!

    3. I have used Hal Higdon in the past, but for my spring marathons next year I think I'm going to try Run Less Run Faster plan, or at least a variation of it. I want to break 4 hours :)

  9. I have 3 little boys.

    When do I not have a crazy parenting day? :)

    You need to add "laugh" to that list of yours. I swear, sometimes it's the only thing that gets me through the day. :)

    I admire a local mother of soon to be 11 KIDS who is a swim team mom, like myself. 11!!!!!! And she's so mellow. I find myself watching her at meets in awe.

  10. First of all. You are nothing short of AMAZING! Every part about you and every part of your blog. I am so looking forward to your crazy stories too! I can so relate to the 2 year old boy craziness (throw in a hormonal 17 year old girl and WHOA!)

    For your questions:

    1) I am not just saying this because its your blog but YOU! You were my first "friend" on here. YOu are so strong, incredibly beautiful, talented, completely passionate, and always the first to support, give advice and be there for everyone. I strive daily to be the type of wife/mother/runner/PERSON you are. You help me be a better person and I thank you for hta from the bottom of my heart!

    I am also inspired by my sister. She is one strong woman and has overcome so much. My true best friend and life without her would be meaningless. She is my rock and honestly my "soul sister".

    2)The craziest story I can come up with is Liam with a dutch bros not so hot. He decided he wanted to "shake it up" and all over the tv and dvd player and electronics it went. Needless to say, I was not the perfect parent and did not react as the books would say, but it was a learning experience for both of us. He now is very careful with his Dutch Bros cups :)

    3) Cant help much here but be here for you when you figure it out and cheer you on! YOu so have this Amanda and we will (I will) be right here backing you every second of it!

  11. I love #'s 1,2 & 4.


    Can I just tell you - yur comment made my day. Thank you. You are so awesome.

    You're amazing woman.
    I love the Z comp story. ;)

  12. the woman I admire the most is My grand mother: she had 16 kids, no twins and they all turned up to be great people, my mother is #15.

    Marathon training..well of course I dont know! but I do follow Hal Higdon's plans for my halfs.

  13. So, I would really like to give you a hug and I won't whisper you're too hard on yourself in your ear, I promise.

    Hope the run went well:)

    Women that inspire. This would be WAY too long of a comment.

    Crazy motherhood moment. My one daughter BURNED my other daughter's arm somewhat intentionally fighting over the flat iron this morning. I'm pretty sure this is CRIMINAL.... Mommy went a little "whack job" and almost needed to add vodka to her orange juice...

    Really hope your day is going well!

  14. You are who you are, a work in progress, like everyone else. Yes, just be yourself, you are enough, you don't need to run a crazy fast marathon or to do anything amazing to be enough:)

    Crazy mom moment - every single day. My son went to school in shorts and t-shirt today, and it is freaking cold. Why? he wants to have a 'sick day" like his kinder teacher had yesterday...I learned to pick my battles..

  15. Man, of all the stuff in this post, the only thing I can think to comment on is the fact that you have your pants on the right way. THANK GOD.

    Also, I LOVE YOU with, and without, your filter. :)

    The training plan. I would trust Waylon. I am leaning towards JD too, but with some modifications...I think you know what they are.

    Crazy kids here. Nathan is 6 and throwing temper tantrums about school stuff. I just don't get how to stop it, but I know why he does it.

    Anyhow, I have t get back to work here, but so glad to read your post today! :)

  16. Hey--the fact that you get out of bed everyday says something! And then you run, take care of family, and try to keep everything going.

    Just tick a few things off your list and be happy with what you've accomplished, and not what you didn't get to.

    And most important of all, take a few seconds to make sure your clothes are all on the right way before you hit the gym. I discovered my shirt on inside out the other morning while running on the treadmill. Lovely.

  17. i hear ya sister! i'm actually thinking about taking another computer cleanse. that really helps me to CLEAR and not feel so...scattered. sometimes i get so inspired by what i see in the internet world that i get all confused and feel like i have too many ideas. take care, friend!

  18. I have to young boys ( 4, 2) and there are many many moments and many many days where it is HARD. I am also a SAHM, which means, mommy is with them all the time. Today actually, on the playground, my 2 year old tackled my 4 year old to the ground, bite him, then held on for dear life all while screaming. This all happening while other parents looked on. Mother of the year. I couldn't get out of there faster.
    I run my first marathon in Feb- run with Donna, to finish breast cancer in Jax Beach, FL-
    Using an on line training program from a local running store.
    Very excited, very nervous.
    I can't say I have one women I look up to. But I am always inspired by women to make themselves better, each day. Still remember who they are, in spite of children, in spite of growing older, in spite of everything.
    We can do this, women are amazing.

  19. Ragging 33yrs old:)....it always amazes me how my 2 daughters can turn a generally easy going being into seriously scary, head spinning crazy 36yr old:)
    I think its okay, even essential to ones well being to be filtered every now and again. Perhaps its a survival mechanism to keep some thoughts to ourselves. at least thats the way I am sometimes, and I find it helps me to find MY balance. We as individuals can ONLY be the ones to find OUR balance,(but with care and nurturing from our friends&family).

    Women who inspire me: 1:My mother, there are never enough kinds words/memories/love that can express my feelings and inspiration that I get from my mama.
    2:I'm new to the whole blog world and there are so many inspiring women athletes who are chasing their goals and each and every one has their own story that they share for us all to experience. YOU are an inspiration to me....to live fully, to DREAM and to capture/record our daily journeys (i.e. journaling...FYI I love my running journal and have started one for each
    of my daughters)

    I'm training for a 1/2 marathon in Dec, with a coach, but I've starting research some other training plans that work with the way my brain does. I'll probably stick to 1/2 for a while, but I must say I'm really inspired by all the women training for Boston or a BQ.

    Were you at the 24hrs fitness in beverton around 10:30?

    You have a fantastic blog, so much hits home!

  20. I won't say what you asked not to say. I will say this.

    I have a 4 month old and 24 month old and I share your pain. We all feel like failures sometimes but are doing the best we can with what we have. Some days as long as no bones were broken, nothing caught on fire and everyone ate something I call it a win.

  21. Thank you all so much! I love all of these comments so much. Wendy, maybe....:) were you? e-mail me amandaodum@hotmail.com

    Tamsj, wish I knew how to contact you. I love your words.

  22. I love number 4. Please share the shit. I share my shit all the time and somehow it smells better out in the open. It certainly feels better to get it off your chest. And it's nice to know that you're not the only one who's ever had to deal with it. And that you're not alone.

    Here's my share of the day. Iven and I had a fight last night. It's been a really stressful time and I'm a stress head and just wanted him to share the load a little. He ended up yelling at me. I couldn't eat dinner and the awful person deep inside thought that it was just as well he was 10 years older cause he'll probably die earlier and at that point being a widow seemed like a really nice idea.I know that's horrible but that's just how I think when it's tough. I know it won't last so you don't need to worry about me and the fact that my carving knife is in for sharpening. (maybe blunt would have been better ...)

  23. 1. Tell me 1-3 women that inspire you. I am inspired daily by women around me. Recently I have taken on clients that have never really worked out. One of them was almost 300 pounds. She pushes and pushes and has lost close to 20 pounds. She now takes spin classes twice a week and strives to be an athlete.

    2. What is a crazy motherhood moment you had recently? I dropped my 5 year old off at her dance class left her there so I could quickly run an errand. My car broke down. I was panicked because she would get out of dance and not know where I was. I borrowed a friend's car and then IT broke down. It was a long adventure for the kids and me.

    3. What marathon training plan do you use if you are a marathon runner? I write my own plans using RRCA guidelines. I am using more and more concepts from FIRST, which has three key runs instead of tons and tons of mileage.

  24. THIS is the Amanda I love!!!!!!! and Yes...sadly...when you tell me about the crazies going on in YOUR house, it makes me feel NORMAL too!!!! and yes, I feel guilty for everything...is it true kids pick up on this? how do I stop? do I PRETEND i don't feel guilty? I lay in bed everynight thinking about all the things I DIDN"T DO with them:( ugh...such a terrible mind space to be in. help!
    I love you, you are great and the REAL RAW Amanda helps us all deal with our Sh** too so keep her coming!! I love you girl!